DeadDreamsWhispering
Well-known member
Seriously. I don't understand why so many women my age and older seem to think I don't have a right to my own (perfectly consensual and legal) preference. Throughout my late teens and 20s I struggled with some fairly big psychological issues and I think they really affected me on a romantic level with women. Quite a few women weren't interested in me which is normal for a lot of men but I also think I missed quite a few opportunities just through 2nd guessing them or just not recognizing a woman's interest in me. As a result I feel like I really missed out almost entirely on sexual and romantic experiences at that age.
Recently though, in my early 30s, I've felt myself start to progress in life. I finally found my life's calling back in October when I decided I was going to start writing music for video games and film fulltime. I'm still not earning much money at all but a short film I did the music for is going to be shown at two international film festivals over in the US and the UK and I'm doing the composing and sound design for a bunch of video game projects I'm excited about. I know things are on the right path long term. I started Brazilian Jiu Jitsu in my late 20s and while I'm not good at it, it has me in much better shape than I've pretty much ever been in. I've felt myself gaining a bit more confidence as well, the idea of talking to a woman I liked the look of but didn't know used to give me a lot of anxiety but it doesn't seem to bother me so much now. I'm not a male model in looks but I don't think I'm physically unattractive either.
I don't mention any of these things to boast, just to explain why I think it is I'm turning a corner in life and getting to a much better place. I'm hoping to finally find a long term partner and to put it bluntly, I'm not interested in anyone my age. It may be because I feel like I missed out on the experiences I wanted to have when I was younger (or maybe I'd feel the same regardless, who knows) but I only feel any strong attraction for women around the early 20s mark. I've actually recently felt interest from younger women on one or two occasions but the situation/timing have simply been out. I don't know if anyone here reading this is going to post something like "You can't say that for sure, you might meet someone your age who you really want" but no, this isn't going to happen and I'm not interested in arguing it here so please don't make any of those posts suggesting it might. I think maybe I should clarify that if I were to get with a woman in the age range I want, I'd have no issue with her aging over time (we all do) but it matters to me a lot at the start of the relationship and there isn't actually anything I can do to change that. It's just how I feel.
I recently opened up to a childhood friend of mine (who is a woman the same age as me but in a long term relationship and with a son) about how I felt about this thinking that because she was a childhood friend and not affected by my dating preferences in any way shape or form that she'd be happy for me and as a friend would want me to go for what would make me happy. I guess I was wrong for trusting her because all I got after that, both in person and in online conversation was sanctimonious judgement about how I'm misogynistic for having that preference and how it makes me immature. How about how her and her partner chose to work and compromise on things that weren't perfect about each other. Okay but what on earth does that have to do with me? Any relationship requires compromise in some areas but that doesn't mean I have to compromise on my age preference and the fact is that I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than to do that. By the end of it, she'd got so self righteous and condescending (whilst claiming the whole time that she had empathy for me) that I just got to the point where I felt I needed her out of my life despite the fact we'd known each other since we were 2 years old and removed her off Facebook.
To me, the mentality behind her comments seem to boil down to this idea that men my age are somehow morally obligated to date women our age which I think is just the female version of a guy who thinks women owe him sex. And tbh, a big part of the reason I'm posing this is because I'm seeing older women all over the internet spew bigotry at age gap couples where the man is older and I'm honestly sick of it. I think that no one owes anyone anything in dating and again I'm saying that as a guy who hasn't done well romantically so far at all. I guess this is a venting post because this isn't the first time I've felt judged over this and I'm sick of seeing it everywhere.
Recently though, in my early 30s, I've felt myself start to progress in life. I finally found my life's calling back in October when I decided I was going to start writing music for video games and film fulltime. I'm still not earning much money at all but a short film I did the music for is going to be shown at two international film festivals over in the US and the UK and I'm doing the composing and sound design for a bunch of video game projects I'm excited about. I know things are on the right path long term. I started Brazilian Jiu Jitsu in my late 20s and while I'm not good at it, it has me in much better shape than I've pretty much ever been in. I've felt myself gaining a bit more confidence as well, the idea of talking to a woman I liked the look of but didn't know used to give me a lot of anxiety but it doesn't seem to bother me so much now. I'm not a male model in looks but I don't think I'm physically unattractive either.
I don't mention any of these things to boast, just to explain why I think it is I'm turning a corner in life and getting to a much better place. I'm hoping to finally find a long term partner and to put it bluntly, I'm not interested in anyone my age. It may be because I feel like I missed out on the experiences I wanted to have when I was younger (or maybe I'd feel the same regardless, who knows) but I only feel any strong attraction for women around the early 20s mark. I've actually recently felt interest from younger women on one or two occasions but the situation/timing have simply been out. I don't know if anyone here reading this is going to post something like "You can't say that for sure, you might meet someone your age who you really want" but no, this isn't going to happen and I'm not interested in arguing it here so please don't make any of those posts suggesting it might. I think maybe I should clarify that if I were to get with a woman in the age range I want, I'd have no issue with her aging over time (we all do) but it matters to me a lot at the start of the relationship and there isn't actually anything I can do to change that. It's just how I feel.
I recently opened up to a childhood friend of mine (who is a woman the same age as me but in a long term relationship and with a son) about how I felt about this thinking that because she was a childhood friend and not affected by my dating preferences in any way shape or form that she'd be happy for me and as a friend would want me to go for what would make me happy. I guess I was wrong for trusting her because all I got after that, both in person and in online conversation was sanctimonious judgement about how I'm misogynistic for having that preference and how it makes me immature. How about how her and her partner chose to work and compromise on things that weren't perfect about each other. Okay but what on earth does that have to do with me? Any relationship requires compromise in some areas but that doesn't mean I have to compromise on my age preference and the fact is that I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than to do that. By the end of it, she'd got so self righteous and condescending (whilst claiming the whole time that she had empathy for me) that I just got to the point where I felt I needed her out of my life despite the fact we'd known each other since we were 2 years old and removed her off Facebook.
To me, the mentality behind her comments seem to boil down to this idea that men my age are somehow morally obligated to date women our age which I think is just the female version of a guy who thinks women owe him sex. And tbh, a big part of the reason I'm posing this is because I'm seeing older women all over the internet spew bigotry at age gap couples where the man is older and I'm honestly sick of it. I think that no one owes anyone anything in dating and again I'm saying that as a guy who hasn't done well romantically so far at all. I guess this is a venting post because this isn't the first time I've felt judged over this and I'm sick of seeing it everywhere.