I'm at the bottom, now what?

[StatueInTheRain]

Right now, I think I have everybody else beat in the loneliness department.

I'm new here. The reason why I'm here is because I don't have any friends. I don't have a significant other, either. Now, the realization that I'm all alone has hit me like a freight train.

I feel like I'm at the bottom. I thought I was coping with my loneliness but I was really digging myself a hole. I've dug the whole as deep as I could get it, and there's no more room to dig, so now I'm just standing here looking around with the shovel in my hand. It's really dark and cold down here, because the hole is so deep that sunlight just doesn't reach the bottom.

The way that I have coped with loneliness seemed to work great, until it just stopped working. My way of dealing with it was that I simply decided I wasn't going to live in reality. I became a compulsive liar. I've only had one girlfriend in my entire life, but I didn't have any feelings for her.

At the time, I believed the "fake it until you make it" philosophy. So, I just made up a girlfriend and I told everyone about her. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but doing something wrong once makes it easier the next time.

Now, I still only had one girlfriend in my entire life, but I've had five phony ones. I spent all of my time dreaming about my imaginary life and I convinced myself my own BS was true. As long as I was able to convince myself my own BS was true, I thought I was really happy.

Anyway, I don't believe myself anymore. I'm no longer able to lie to myself, and the loneliness is crushing. My coping mechanism quit working all of the sudden. I can't escape from it. No matter where I go, it follows me.

 

[condemnedsoul666]

Welcome, hope you can start to feel better sometime soon

 

[Jilted John]

Hi and welcome Statue,maybe we can throw you a rope and help you out of that hole!

 

[roguewave]

Hey welcome to the board! Have you ever taken the Myers-Briggs personality test? There are some online sites that can help give you a general idea of your personality type. I mention this because you sound a lot like me and that test helped me to understand myself better. It might be worth a shot.

 

[swanlake]

Hi statue welcome to the forum.

 

[StatueInTheRain]

Hey welcome to the board! Have you ever taken the Myers-Briggs personality test? There are some online sites that can help give you a general idea of your personality type. I mention this because you sound a lot like me and that test helped me to understand myself better. It might be worth a shot.

I took one of the free ones on line. I got INTP.

 

[mana]

Hey mate and welcome.

You are not at the bottom, you just think you are. you have two legs, two arms, you can see and hear smell and taste. you can think and communicate. and you are FREE.

so you are not in the bottom.

true, loneliness sucks. it feels like a ******* hole deep in the stomach and any of us here feel like honeysuckle about it.

I think once you find someone to talk to and someone to advice you things would get better.

if you can please tell more about yours social and family issues, life routine etc....

 

[roguewave]

Hey welcome to the board! Have you ever taken the Myers-Briggs personality test? There are some online sites that can help give you a general idea of your personality type. I mention this because you sound a lot like me and that test helped me to understand myself better. It might be worth a shot.

I took one of the free ones on line. I got INTP.

I was IN also but not TP. I forget my overall score.

 

[StatueInTheRain]

Hey mate and welcome.

You are not at the bottom, you just think you are. you have two legs, two arms, you can see and hear smell and taste. you can think and communicate. and you are FREE.

so you are not in the bottom.

true, loneliness sucks. it feels like a ******* hole deep in the stomach and any of us here feel like honeysuckle about it.

I think once you find someone to talk to and someone to advice you things would get better.

if you can please tell more about yours social and family issues, life routine etc....

I don't know exactly how to write more about my social and family issues and life routine, but I'll give it a shot. My parents are divorced and they live in other states. I talk to them frequently, but I hardly ever see them. That's how I got away with living an imaginary life. I was happy living in my dream world, but it was phony happiness, not the real thing, but better than reality. Now, I'm ashamed to talk to my parents because I've embarrassed myself.

My social issues are that I don't have a social life. I drive a truck for a living, and that's all I ever do is drive this **** truck around the northeast US picking up and making deliveries. It provides a good middle class income while the rest of the country is unemployed and in the streets, but it takes away a social life. I don't know how to make friends. When I was a kid, friends just happened. Something changed, I grew up. Now, nothing happens.

The truck is my home. It's far from a warm inviting house in the suburbs, complete with a wife, and Christmas decorations, and gifts under the tree. No, that doesn't exist for me, but my home is far better than home being the Homeless Castle in Brooklyn. That was the result when I tried to quit this job and do something else.

I get home every weekend, at least my company thinks I'm going home. The address on my license is a private mailbox. It's a really good address, though.

Fun is something I would love to have, but I'm single, and that precludes me from having fun. If one believes everything they read on the internet, one must learn to have fun by themselves before they can attract someone else. I just don't believe everything I read on-line. All of the things I would have fun doing just aren't fun when done alone.

I want to take a vacation. I love travel, both domestic and foreign, but what's the fun in that when you're on vacation, and still all alone? I can be all alone at home, it's a lot cheaper. Then I can come home and upload my pictures of just myself in places around the world, all alone.

I want to go out to nice restaurants. Table for one? Please! Everyone else is enjoying it, and there I sit alone, looking out of place.

 

[roguewave]

I know this is not helpful so I apologize in advance, but I find people dining alone in restaurants to be intriguing.

 

[StatueInTheRain]

I know this is not helpful so I apologize in advance, but I find people dining alone in restaurants to be intriguing.

Actually, that was helpful. Now, I don't so bad about dining alone.

 

[Fitz]

I did the exact same thing as you, I lied about having a girlfriend. My friends kinda believed me but they wanted proof.
I had gotten this text from a girl, I used to hang out with alot when I was younger. I despise her now, but she texted me "I love you". One of her hilarious friends must've sent as a joke or something, because she also said she was a lesbian in another text. She royally pissed me off, but the I love you text came in handy to show the lads. I even made up a whole story about this girlfriend, and they bought it like complete suckers. I'd rather I had a real girlfriend, but what can you do. It got them off my back at least.