Im in so much pain

[myownbf]

Hey guys.
I havent been on the forum since i joined cause ive had so many crazy things going on in my life. I am so tired of being alone & having no one love me that i cant take it anymore. I was forced to move by my landlord cause he wants money that i dont owe. Earlier this year i suffered a heart attack that left me out of work for close to 3 months. I had no income coming in during that time & emptied my funds trying to keep up with all my bills. My rent was 800 monthly but i paid 200 weekly which means i overpaid by 800 for the year. The landlord says he wont go through the year to credit me, so im left trying to pay rent & save to move which is impossible. I have no one in my life to share these burdens with & i hate going to bed alone every night. I dont go out cause i hate seeing couples. I always end up comparing myself to the gemale trying to find some reason they are more special than me & i ask how can they find someone when i cant find nothing. Whats so special about them that they are married & what is it about me that i cant even find someone interested in dating me....... the few guys that ive dated in my lifetime all married the girl they dated after me. My marriage was a joke that i never even considered a marriage cause i didnt love him & he certainly didnt love me. If was for the kids only on my part. All my friends at work are married & always want to tell me about the things going on with their spouses. I DONT WANT TO HEAR it cause at least they have someone to talk about. All i have are problems after problems................

 

[myownbf]

Maybe share your secret to this new outlook so i can stop feeling so bad. Ive spent so much of my life feeling this way & am tired of it. I try telling myself that God knows there is no one that will give me the love & faithfulness that i want in a relationship so he wont send me anyone but that doesnt help. Actually it makes me feel worse to think that cause i feel he(God) gave me life & put the desire to share love with a companion inside of me but forsaked me to live my life alone & lonely.

 

[Enchanted Girl]

*hugs* I've been there before and thought very similar thoughts in my life before.

It's not true that there is no one out there who could give you that love and faithfulness that you desire, but a lot of people do struggle to find that person for long periods of time in their lives.

Don't let the pessimism control you though because it can make you stop trying and then you get stuck where you are completely.

I hope you get completely better though and that your life starts getting better as well.

 

[Wandering stranger]

Maybe share your secret to this new outlook so i can stop feeling so bad.

I read a post that changed my life, I will link it to you.


http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=10801

After reading this a few times in a row, I felt better about myself , I shouted at the top of my lungs " I AM ******* AWESOME" twice, something clicked in my brain.
Whenever I feel the least bit down I say with utter conviction and determination " I... am.... FUUUUUCKING AWESOME!" (well while driving). Sometimes I have to find my voice but when I do it automatically mellows me out and forces the tears away. I've changed alot, I'm not afraid to treat people like honeysuckle when they do it to me and if you are kind I will treat you like a rockstarglamour queen in public even if you are a stranger. I've devoted my life to looking like a ********* and changing my physical appearance because I am sick of getting my heart broken and shitted all over, it's my turn to do the heartbreaking.

Of course I don't believe the part I typed about breaking hearts but hey one can dream.

 

[Yukhi]

Hi and welcome to the forums myownbf!!

The right person will come along in your life. Just wait for it cuz great things are bound to happen to those who wait. I hope everything becomes alright for you myownbf.