Hello. I'm not really sure where to start with this (I signed up a couple days ago but have been writing and re-writing this post, trying to figure out how best to say what I want to say clearly and without too many words. Here goes.
I'm 25. I've never had a relationship with a girl. I was abused as a kid, emotionally (told I was stupid, worthless, would never amount to anything) all the time, but also physically sometimes when my dad got into a bad mood. My mother wasn't in the picture after their divorce.
Now I feel worthless, like I can't do anything right. Like I have to be perfect all the time. I have trouble believing that I could ever have any kind of productive relationship, romantic or otherwise. I have plenty of friends - several of which I would call "close" friends - but I still don't talk to them about some private things, like my depression and loneliness. I feel like it's too much to ask anyone else to listen to.
Oh, and I don't talk about my relationship/dating (or lack thereof) history with other people, friends or no. I skillfully avoid the topic being brought up, or if it's brought up among other people, I'll avoid letting the conversation being drawn to me. On the rare occasion it does, I'll make up some lie and then get off the topic as quickly as possible. Two of my friends do know, though, and the few other long-time friends (from back in high school) I have can most likely guess. I don't let the subject come up with new people I meet, although the longer I'm friends with someone, the more difficult it typically gets to keep them from talking about it.
I'm not really sure where else to go with this without turning this post into a lengthy tome. Anyone have any questions so I can direct this better?
I'm 25. I've never had a relationship with a girl. I was abused as a kid, emotionally (told I was stupid, worthless, would never amount to anything) all the time, but also physically sometimes when my dad got into a bad mood. My mother wasn't in the picture after their divorce.
Now I feel worthless, like I can't do anything right. Like I have to be perfect all the time. I have trouble believing that I could ever have any kind of productive relationship, romantic or otherwise. I have plenty of friends - several of which I would call "close" friends - but I still don't talk to them about some private things, like my depression and loneliness. I feel like it's too much to ask anyone else to listen to.
Oh, and I don't talk about my relationship/dating (or lack thereof) history with other people, friends or no. I skillfully avoid the topic being brought up, or if it's brought up among other people, I'll avoid letting the conversation being drawn to me. On the rare occasion it does, I'll make up some lie and then get off the topic as quickly as possible. Two of my friends do know, though, and the few other long-time friends (from back in high school) I have can most likely guess. I don't let the subject come up with new people I meet, although the longer I'm friends with someone, the more difficult it typically gets to keep them from talking about it.
I'm not really sure where else to go with this without turning this post into a lengthy tome. Anyone have any questions so I can direct this better?