I'm so tired

[Guest]

I'm so very, very tired.

I used to believe everything in life could be achieved through willpower, patience, and determination. I'm starting to think differently.

I don't know why I'm bad with people. I used to be very, very fat. I though that was the problem.

I'm not fat anymore. Very fit in fact. I love exercise. But I'm still terrible with people.

I tried to go out, say "hi" with a smile on my face to 50 strangers in one week. I felt good. Nothing came of it though. It was very hard to do.

I think I'm a good person. I like to think I'm special. I go to a good school, have won several awards in both academics and athletics, and I'm hard working at my job. My boss thinks I do good work.

But I'm terrible with people. Women, especially.

While at school, I wonder how other kids get invited to parties, how they have such good connections, how they get each other's phone numbers. I could never figure it out.

I'm not going to lie, I find it very hard to force myself to become very interested in other people. I wish it wasn't so, because I know for a fact that for success to occur in this lifetime, it's all about who you know, not what you know.

I'm fortunate to say that I've had one very good friend in my life. He was my friend before and during my middle school years.

I actually got invited to a birthday party recently, in fact. By sheer luck, I ran into one of the few acquatiances who knew someone who knew someone that was having a brithday party. I introduced myself a couple weeks before. She seemed nice. Her friends didn't like me though. I don't know why. Again, I know I'm a good looking person. I don't say this to be vain, but to say people don't like me because of my looks would be a lie. They don't like me because of my personality. And I don't know why.

Tonight I went to her party and I had the most unwelcoming vibe. All her friends either glared or ignored me. I went up to wish her a happy birthday, and thank her for inviting me. She barely remembered me. I think she though I was some random person crashing her party. I left within 10 minutes of arriving. I know when I'm not wanted. It's a familiar feeling.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

I've spent my whole life trying to figure it out. And I don't know what it is. I've read books, joined clubs, sports, done hypnosis, seen therapists, asked people I know (they just say it will come with time), done personal, crazy exercises in self confidence.

Sometimes I think my genetics are flawed for social contact.

I'm very tired of trying to figure it out. And trying to fix it.

So very tired.

 

[Guest]

Wow, I feel much better posting this. Still would like to figure it all out, though =/.

Thanks to whomever created this.

 

[Pebblette]

Wow, your situation sounds EXACTLY like mine. Sure wish I knew who you were and could email you. Why don't you think about becoming a member?

 

[Cooljohn]

Hi guest. Welcome. Please please register. We'd love to have you as part of our community. Most of us here have similar problems. We're here to support each other.

Well I for one can empathise with you. I go through this a lot.

Sometimes I believe that people may be envious of you or spreading rumours about you for some reason of the other and what you're experiencing is not really about you at all.

The sad part is that I've noticed on this site (and I'm sure you will too) that the majority of people here seem to be good, genuine, talented and very intelligent people. There seems to be a common thread running through us. Is there possibly some sort of correlation between loneliness and people with such characteristics?

Do you know about bullying? When you surf the net again search for "bullying" and especially "workplace bullying." There is a stereotype that bullies are these large neaderthal-like individuals who prey on vulnerable people. Actually, bullies come in all shapes, sizes and colours. They prey on more confident, intelligent, diligent, kind, generous, etc. people. Sometimes I wander if bullying in the workplace and in schools are microcosms of greater social ills.
Guest, don't think that your lack of success in social interactions is as the result of genetics. Try to observe people better and see what's happening around you. Good luck. If you need to chat, please pm me.

 

[lilyelk]

I know I was the subject of MAJOR bullying especially throughout the school years. It was awful. It is hard thing to shake; sometimes I don't think that stuff totally leaves you in your adult life when you have been beat down enough as a child.

Ironically guest, people have never had any problem telling me what they find odd about me. In many respects this is a product of my personality - I am practically void of any sort of temper so for better or worse people feel at ease to tell me exactly what they think.

I am a bit opposite of you. I am interested in people so much that I will retain and listen to everything about them but then have the worst time sharing myself. I am that person in the office that no one really knows anything about; but is pleasant enough and remembers important stuff about you.

I have been told that I come off as unapproachable at first so I work on that. It is mostly because I am shy and overwhelmed by tons of people. In fact; I sort of don't get small talk, although I have gotten better at it. I am perfectly happy being quiet. Because I have heard this enough from enough people who got to know me but at first couldn't figure out what to make of me; I make an effort (ok, some days better than others) to work a little bit more on my first impression skills.