Imaginary Conversations

[Mike413]

I just want to put out here a few make believe examples of real life situations. Things like this actually do occur but these specific examples are fictional.


Me: Hey Joe how are you?

Joe: Ok.

Me : so what's new Joe? What's going on with you?

Joe: Not much

Me: Wow, sorry to hear that.

Joe: Uh huh.

Me: So what do you like to do?

Joe: not much.



Jeff: Hi!

Amanda: uh hi.

Jeff: What's your name?

Amanda: Amanda

Jeff: You seem nice. What brings you out today?

Amanda: I'm here with my friends.

Jeff: So, what do you like to do for fun?

Amanda: not much


My point here is that we often find ourselves in situations where we give, give and give and don't get back anything. We make the social investments but get zero return.

Are these people high maintenance? Maybe.

So what do you think is a way to get people invested in you? How do you get people interested? Body language? Insults? Showing interest?


Jim: Hey Bob, what's going on?

Bob: Not much dude.

Jim: So what did you do today?

Bob: Not much dude

Jim: Wow you are really boring

Bob: yep

 

[Seosa2]

It's funny you mention this, because one flaw I think I have is that I try and show a lot of interest in people but aren't always clear in doing so. By that I mean, I'll be talking to somebody and talking about a variety of topics but will forget to ask, "How are you?", "What've you been up to lately?".

 

[Drama]

Hi Mike, how are you?

 

[Nikki]

That last example is one I get all the time, except I'm the one saying 'not much'. I never say it to shut people or the convo down....the simple fact is, that I never go out or doing anything. If I say what I have been doing, like crafts, or art, they are not interested anyway or I get 'you doing that "still"?' I get very uncomfortable being asked 'what's up' or 'what's been happening' because nothing happens in my life. Once I have been asked once, they know what I have been up to....

Meh, not sure that makes sense.

But if, I get to ask what the other person has been doing etc, I'm much more comfortable

So I guess maybe I AM boring lol.

 

[Mike413]

Hi Mike, how are you?

I suck that's why I posted this!

 

[Adryan]

I don't know why but I'm a expert in this area, I don't study each person, no... is simple... when I meet a person, I act as I really am... I don't know... just go to my way

my trick is: I ask you, later I tell you "well, ask me anything you want" and I answer you, I talk about my life, later you talk about you life... and if you tell me that you study math, I will say "oh this is amazing! I hate the maths, jaja" and later I will say "but once in class, my teacher said me a mathematical problem that I have not solved yet... maybe you could solved it!"

this is my way: take the positive side and give all smooth and pleasant conversation, this happen myself alone, I don't know why but it is amazing, and this makes my happy because I can speak with all people and all people say "wow you seemed a idiot but you're a good guy"

You understand it? just speak! not think "mm I should speak about this with him... or about that with her..." NO! just speak! about the first word what you think, and the other person will feel very comfortable and you also because you will be yourself.

Greetings!

 

[Mike413]

I once saw a young man approach a young woman in the library(both seemed to be about maybe 15 or 16). This isn't really important but I'll mention it anyway. The young man was of African American decent while the girl was white(European decent). I could tell the girl was excited about him talking to her by the way she acted and when she talked to her girlfriend on her cell phone(ooh some guy approached me).

However, one thing he said I found to be very interesting. He said to her something like "I was wondering if you want to be friends." I never or at least rarely hear about adults asking this. So I'm wondering if it's actually ok for an adult to ask someone if they can be friends with someone. My feeling is it might seem strange or awkward to most people but the reality is you are getting to the point and trying to screen for those who might just be wasting your time or something.

 

[murmi97]

I once saw a young man approach a young woman in the library(both seemed to be about maybe 15 or 16). This isn't really important but I'll mention it anyway. The young man was of African American decent while the girl was white(European decent). I could tell the girl was excited about him talking to her by the way she acted and when she talked to her girlfriend on her cell phone(ooh some guy approached me).

However, one thing he said I found to be very interesting. He said to her something like "I was wondering if you want to be friends." I never or at least rarely hear about adults asking this. So I'm wondering if it's actually ok for an adult to ask someone if they can be friends with someone. My feeling is it might seem strange or awkward to most people but the reality is you are getting to the point and trying to screen for those who might just be wasting your time or something.

I think it depends who you're talking to. I wouldn't want someone to ask that of me, but I have a very strict definition of the word friend and feel that it's best when it happens organically (and very much don't want to be straddled with someone incompatible with me, because I gave my word). But then others have all the love in the world and don't mind loose and fleeting connections. I don't mind them either, but bringing such an oral agreement of friendship in to it, doesn't make it loose in my view.

 

[Hopetracer]

You are right, it seems you should tell to some people directly that you like to hear from them. I think when you want to talk with others about a topic it might help if you determine you are interested to hear others' ideas by asking questions like "What do you think about...?" or "What's your idea about this matter?". At least it lets you know whether the other person is interested in the topic or not.
I had friends in the past who told me after talking over half a year "Do you even like talking to me?". Now I remember to tell people I've known for a long time that I enjoy talking to them if that's how I really feel.

 

[a lonely person]

If someone doesnt want to talk to you, maybe you shouldnt bother him. Or maybe you are just asking wrong questions, try being more specific, I mean "whats going on with you"? thats like asking him to make the conversation himself, he could say anything about anything.

 

[daughter of the moon]

If someone doesnt want to talk to you, maybe you shouldnt bother him. Or maybe you are just asking wrong questions, try being more specific, I mean "whats going on with you"? thats like asking him to make the conversation himself, he could say anything about anything.

Agreed. Try to not use so many worn-out empty phrases like "How are you" or "What's going on with you". Even if your interest is real, those phrases are so washed out that it MAY seem like you're just trying to say something without really wanting an in-depth answer.
Try humor! Humor almost always works
I mean it's hard to give specific advice right here, it really depends on the situation. Try to be unexpected by asking slightly deeper questions than the average person
And of course it always depends on chemistry, so don't be discouraged if it doesn't work with 8 out of 10 people. Sometimes you click with someone instantly, others you could be locked in a room in with for a week and still not find some common ground for conversation. It's normal. Don't interpret anything into it

 

[Mike413]

How about these?:

"So what's new with you?"

"So what have you been up to lately?"

"So, what's been keeping you busy lately?"

I'd much rather have someone ask me those than "what do you?" or "how are you" or any other cliched and worn out questions like you guys say.

 

[a lonely person]

What? those are almost the same. You dont need to ask "how are you" to make a conversation either. I usually say "how are you" like a complement to saying "hey" to someone I know, when he/she passes by, not really expecting an answer or hoping to make a conversation.
You cant have generic questions if you want to start a conversation, or you can but it would be a generic conversation... If you are at work try asking something semi-relevant (i mean, its not like it has to be the perfect question) about the job the person does, or maybe that person doesnt like his job, then that would be a bad conversation topic. If you are at a university theres the usual "whats your mayor" "howcome did you choose (insert mayor here)?" "what do you do like to do in your free time?" etc, and you can always make coments so its not only you asking questions, like "really? I wanted to study that first, but XXXXX (whatever)" or "yea im studying law because my parents wanted me to study a "real" career, but I always wanted to be a stripper", the thing is those are not generic examples, you have to find something to say depending on the person.

 

[Drama]

How about these?:

"So what's new with you?"

"So what have you been up to lately?"

"So, what's been keeping you busy lately?"

I'd much rather have someone ask me those than "what do you?" or "how are you" or any other cliched and worn out questions like you guys say.

Ouch...
May I ask you 'how are you not?'

 

[Stonelands]

How about these?:

"So what's new with you?"

"So what have you been up to lately?"

"So, what's been keeping you busy lately?"

I'd much rather have someone ask me those than "what do you?" or "how are you" or any other cliched and worn out questions like you guys say.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v102/Fornost/Forum Stuff/news_198.jpg

 

[Dr. Strangelove]

I work retail so I have to sell stuff for a living. When talking to customers it is best to ask open ended questions as opposed to questions that can be answered with a yes or a no. For example instead of asking "Is there anything that I can help you find?" ask "So what brings you in today?" So when it comes to small talk, that you want to expand beyond small talk you might want to ask questions that probably can be answered with more than one word.
"Hey I saw XXXXXXX this weekend, what did you think of it?"
"I went to XXXXXX and I liked it, have you been? How do you like the way they did XXXXXXXXXXXXX?"
Or for those of us who mostly stay home.
"I saw XXXXXXX on tv, what did you think of it?"
"Did you hear about so and so in the news? How do you think he was able to get away with it for so long"

Obviously to ask these questions you have to have at the very least a vague idea of what the other person is into.