Impatient with finding someone

[Asterli]

There is a question I just want to run by this forum.

I sometimes experience the feeling of impatientness in finding someone. Though I'm still relatively young, I feel and want to settle down on my age. It's kind of my main purpose in life.

I don't live or work in a womens world and I blame it on that. That's a little bit where my impatient thoughts come from.

I have several resources that I use in finding someone but I'm really curious about what the general thought is here about this subject.

 

[Electric_Fusilier]

You know, I can relate to this. Having been divorced (well, a split in a relationship which was effectively a marriage) over Christmas last year, I've recently found a massive need to be in a relationship again. I've had a few dates, but I found I had a problem - a tendency to develop crushes, even after only a single date. Thankfully, I've had the good sense not to pursue them. There was one person, however, who I did get a massive and debilitating crush on; we're still friends (as she apparently got a crush on me) but I'm finding it particularly difficult to put her out of my mind.

I get what you're saying about the idea of time running out; I myself am 38, and whatever youthful bloom remains is obviously fading now (along with my hairline, lol) Funny thing about getting older - time seems to run faster. I would say my problem with these crushes stems from this, as well as still being a bit raw from my split, a high degree of vanity, and ... well, just plain old fashioned loneliness.

I've recently taken it up on myself to stay out of the dating game for a while, until I feel more or less emotionally stable enough to resume. I only hope it doesn't take years! It's difficult, though - today I'm really feeling the pinch of not having a date to look forward to. Kind of a slightly sick, nervous feeling in my stomach. Still, I think I'm doing the right thing ... though I'll happily stand corrected, lol!

 

[Asterli]

You know, I can relate to this. Having been divorced (well, a split in a relationship which was effectively a marriage) over Christmas last year, I've recently found a massive need to be in a relationship again. I've had a few dates, but I found I had a problem - a tendency to develop crushes, even after only a single date. Thankfully, I've had the good sense not to pursue them. There was one person, however, who I did get a massive and debilitating crush on; we're still friends (as she apparently got a crush on me) but I'm finding it particularly difficult to put her out of my mind.

I get what you're saying about the idea of time running out; I myself am 38, and whatever youthful bloom remains is obviously fading now (along with my hairline, lol) Funny thing about getting older - time seems to run faster. I would say my problem with these crushes stems from this, as well as still being a bit raw from my split, a high degree of vanity, and ... well, just plain old fashioned loneliness.

I've recently taken it up on myself to stay out of the dating game for a while, until I feel more or less emotionally stable enough to resume. I only hope it doesn't take years! It's difficult, though - today I'm really feeling the pinch of not having a date to look forward to. Kind of a slightly sick, nervous feeling in my stomach. Still, I think I'm doing the right thing ... though I'll happily stand corrected, lol!

I think it is the right thing to do Electric_Fusilier. Sadly, I can't feel what you are feeling right now but take some time for yourself to figure things out before casting yourself on something new only not wanting to feel lonely. Maybe things won't turn out as you hoped and then your heart will be destroyed again in a short time.

Take your time and when you feel you are ready go out there again!

 

[freedom]

i think that all if not most of us young bucks on this site can relate to what you're saying. i sure can. it's the toughest thing to remain patient in your quest to finding that special someone, but you have to remember that your patience will pay off in the end. don't rush to settle down with someone for the sake of settling down. that's like being hungry for pizza and baking a pizza just for the sake of baking! i think you should do the following exercise. sit down with a pen and paper and describe in detail your ideal woman. describe everything from the way she looks to the way she should make you feel. describe every little detail about your ideal woman. it's probably going to take you a few pages. the point of this exercise is to outline exactly what you want. once you know what you're looking for, it's going to be much easier to be patient. you'll brush off any other women that don't fit in to your description. this will keep you from settling down with someone that you're going to regret later in life. on the flip side, if you can't describe your ideal woman, then maybe you're not ready to settle down. it's just something to think about. i wish you the best.

-freedom

 

[Asterli]

i think that all if not most of us young bucks on this site can relate to what you're saying. i sure can. it's the toughest thing to remain patient in your quest to finding that special someone, but you have to remember that your patience will pay off in the end. don't rush to settle down with someone for the sake of settling down. that's like being hungry for pizza and baking a pizza just for the sake of baking! i think you should do the following exercise. sit down with a pen and paper and describe in detail your ideal woman. describe everything from the way she looks to the way she should make you feel. describe every little detail about your ideal woman. it's probably going to take you a few pages. the point of this exercise is to outline exactly what you want. once you know what you're looking for, it's going to be much easier to be patient. you'll brush off any other women that don't fit in to your description. this will keep you from settling down with someone that you're going to regret later in life. on the flip side, if you can't describe your ideal woman, then maybe you're not ready to settle down. it's just something to think about. i wish you the best.

-freedom

Thanks for the advice freedom! I'm going to do that to begin with!

 

[Badjedidude]

Impatience shows.

P.S. That was my shortest response ever. Enjoy it!

 

[Electric_Fusilier]

^^But if you are patient, the impatience will not show for long.

My apologies. Zen mode today. Hope it'll wear off soon...

 

[Badjedidude]

^^^Haha... touche.

 

[Asterli]

Impatience shows.

P.S. That was my shortest response ever. Enjoy it!

LOL Badjedidude, you have a sharp eye

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Whenever I feel like that I begin to wonder if I'm better off adopting a puppy . First you have to be wild in order to settle, infact don't consider it settling, consider it taming or domestication and leave it up to a woman to see if they can deal with such a feat.

Some people are just addicted to relationships, key signs are making plans for the future i.e. questions about marriage/children when you barely know each other. This means that they aren't even interested in YOU, they just want to be in a relationship badly and that's not fair for both.

Thanks for the advice Wandering stranger. I need someone solid first and then take it from there.

 

[eris]

I looked in your profile and I saw that you are 27. That was the age I was when I found someone, so I can understand your impatience. I used to actually get a little pissed when I thought about how I thought it was my turn. I hadn't been with anyone before since I was 20, and that wasnt a very good relationship.

Please don't give up, even if you are in your thirties....there might be someone coming.

 

[ShybutHi]

I looked in your profile and I saw that you are 27. That was the age I was when I found someone, so I can understand your impatience. I used to actually get a little pissed when I thought about how I thought it was my turn. I hadn't been with anyone before since I was 20, and that wasnt a very good relationship.

Please don't give up, even if you are in your thirties....there might be someone coming.

I hope it gets better and easier as you get older or i am going to be alone my whole life i think.

 

[change 4 good]

There has got to be someone out there for you Asterli...you have a heart of gold...why, if I wasnt so old I would snap you up in a second! lol
On a serious note, I am certain you will find the woman of your dreams soon!

ShybutHi, you are still so young. There must be someone out there for you too! I am 42, been single for a year and wonder how I am going to get on being that much older. However, I am not ready for the scrapheap yet!

 

[ShybutHi]

ShybutHi, you are still so young. There must be someone out there for you too! I am 42, been single for a year and wonder how I am going to get on being that much older. However, I am not ready for the scrapheap yet!

Maybe there is, maybe there isnt. The problem is that i am terrible at socialising with people i dont really know and especially terrible if it comes to a women im attracted to i just get complete mental block, anything that does come out im sure makes me sound like im a complete retard.

So, even if there is someone i could potentially click with the chances of me actually talking and meeting them are basically non-existent.

 

[change 4 good]

So, even if there is someone i could potentially click with the chances of me actually talking and meeting them are basically non-existent.

I hear what you are saying SbH, thats my biggest fear. Being socially anxious does not help when it comes to finding friends or a new partner. I do the whole mental block thing when I am with people...just sit there like a prize lemon unable to utter a word. I can often blurt out a 'yes' or 'no' but that doesnt help much when it comes to needing to keep a two way conversation going.

Oh dear...good luck to us...I think we need it!

 

[bookbinder]

i think you should do the following exercise. sit down with a pen and paper and describe in detail your ideal woman. describe everything from the way she looks to the way she should make you feel. describe every little detail about your ideal woman. it's probably going to take you a few pages. the point of this exercise is to outline exactly what you want. once you know what you're looking for, it's going to be much easier to be patient. you'll brush off any other women that don't fit in to your description. this will keep you from settling down with someone that you're going to regret later in life. on the flip side, if you can't describe your ideal woman, then maybe you're not ready to settle down. it's just something to think about. i wish you the best.

I disagree with this. While it's important to know a few general qualities that appeal to you (such as intelligence, humor, etc), sitting down and unpacking every little aspect is a waste of time and paper.

Finding women is not like shopping for groceries. You don't get out your list and check off items. Not only are you unlikely to find a woman that meets your checklist 100%, but most of the things on your "list", unless they're surface, superficial items, can only be found through extended interaction with the person.

All you need to do is to place yourself in as many situations where you can meet people you relate to. It doesn't necessarily have to be conclaves of folks hungering for romance; it could be angry mobs with torches and pitchforks if that's you thing. The point is that you don't always have to go hunting for a mate; if you're out there meeting people and interacting with them, the relationship you're looking for will find you. It's not optimism, it's just common sense.

 

[mintymint]

i think you should do the following exercise. sit down with a pen and paper and describe in detail your ideal woman. describe everything from the way she looks to the way she should make you feel. describe every little detail about your ideal woman. it's probably going to take you a few pages. the point of this exercise is to outline exactly what you want. once you know what you're looking for, it's going to be much easier to be patient. you'll brush off any other women that don't fit in to your description. this will keep you from settling down with someone that you're going to regret later in life. on the flip side, if you can't describe your ideal woman, then maybe you're not ready to settle down. it's just something to think about. i wish you the best.

I disagree with this. While it's important to know a few general qualities that appeal to you (such as intelligence, humor, etc), sitting down and unpacking every little aspect is a waste of time and paper.

Finding women is not like shopping for groceries. You don't get out your list and check off items. Not only are you unlikely to find a woman that meets your checklist 100%, but most of the things on your "list", unless they're surface, superficial items, can only be found through extended interaction with the person.

All you need to do is to place yourself in as many situations where you can meet people you relate to. It doesn't necessarily have to be conclaves of folks hungering for romance; it could be angry mobs with torches and pitchforks if that's you thing. The point is that you don't always have to go hunting for a mate; if you're out there meeting people and interacting with them, the relationship you're looking for will find you. It's not optimism, it's just common sense.

Yeah, I don't think any of us are smart enough to predict the kind of person we will fall for. It's kind of silly to restrict yourself with a detailed list like that. I think it only helps to close your mind, when you should be open to accepting all new opportunities heading your way. That said... here's a link to related thread which I did post on

 

[Asterli]

There has got to be someone out there for you Asterli...you have a heart of gold...why, if I wasnt so old I would snap you up in a second! lol
On a serious note, I am certain you will find the woman of your dreams soon!

ShybutHi, you are still so young. There must be someone out there for you too! I am 42, been single for a year and wonder how I am going to get on being that much older. However, I am not ready for the scrapheap yet!

Thank you for your understanding and your really nice compliment change 4 good!

---

i think you should do the following exercise. sit down with a pen and paper and describe in detail your ideal woman. describe everything from the way she looks to the way she should make you feel. describe every little detail about your ideal woman. it's probably going to take you a few pages. the point of this exercise is to outline exactly what you want. once you know what you're looking for, it's going to be much easier to be patient. you'll brush off any other women that don't fit in to your description. this will keep you from settling down with someone that you're going to regret later in life. on the flip side, if you can't describe your ideal woman, then maybe you're not ready to settle down. it's just something to think about. i wish you the best.

I disagree with this. While it's important to know a few general qualities that appeal to you (such as intelligence, humor, etc), sitting down and unpacking every little aspect is a waste of time and paper.

Finding women is not like shopping for groceries. You don't get out your list and check off items. Not only are you unlikely to find a woman that meets your checklist 100%, but most of the things on your "list", unless they're surface, superficial items, can only be found through extended interaction with the person.

All you need to do is to place yourself in as many situations where you can meet people you relate to. It doesn't necessarily have to be conclaves of folks hungering for romance; it could be angry mobs with torches and pitchforks if that's you thing. The point is that you don't always have to go hunting for a mate; if you're out there meeting people and interacting with them, the relationship you're looking for will find you. It's not optimism, it's just common sense.

Yeah, I don't think any of us are smart enough to predict the kind of person we will fall for. It's kind of silly to restrict yourself with a detailed list like that. I think it only helps to close your mind, when you should be open to accepting all new opportunities heading your way. That said... here's a link to related thread which I did post on

Ok mintymint I responded on the link you sent me. Look what I wrote!