Indian gay openly like me. What to do?

[Peter.EU]

Hallo,

so I am in India, Kashmir. As title says, I get very much attention from Indian males. They seem to be very hospitable...some of them too much. First I tough they want to rob me or something but now I am starting to understand that homosexuality here is very openly expressed. They often invite me home, hug me (Kashmiri tradition, btw.), shake my hand and are very very helpful. What is great but I cannot reciprocate their feelings. I am 100% straight and if I don't count some weird feelings I had when I was 13 I never ever liked member of same sex in this regard.

I want to be polite and nice but I don't want to get into trouble or awkward situations. You know girls, how some nice guys are - they think when you accept their hospitality or compliments you owe them something .

1) am I doing something wrong?
2) what to do? How to accept hospitality yet explain them where they stand...

I heard that homosexuality in Islamic culture is quite common. The reason is polygamy and since many men are doomed to single life, their accepted homosexual relationships. Maybe this might be the reason why it's so easy to find male mate here.

 

[Case]

1) am I doing something wrong?

Probably not. I think you might be right about how some people think that being nice means an indicator of interest. Then again, I can't know for sure since I'm not there watching how you act.

2) what to do? How to accept hospitality yet explain them where they stand...

Always accept hospitality politely, but if someone propositions you, you can just say, "No. I'm straight." If a more subtle approach is preferred, mention past girlfriends in polite conversation or talk about picking up women. But I always felt that the direct approach is best.

I heard that homosexuality in Islamic culture is quite common. The reason is polygamy and since many men are doomed to single life, their accepted homosexual relationships. Maybe this might be the reason why it's so easy to find male mate here.

That's interesting to hear. I always read that Islamic law was much harsher about homosexuality. Maybe India is not as strict? (I know we can't really discuss religion here, so that's as far as I'll go with that subject.)

 

[Peter.EU]

Really? actually Islam here seems to be very strict for me. I have no idea about Islamic rules but people here are very religious. To my taste maybe too much. for instance, their prayer starts at 3 AM in the ENTIRE city and carry on until dawn. It is hard to sleep here during night...

anyway, thank you for tips. I should mention that I never had such open and often proposals anywhere else. In EU I met few people during my entire life that I knew they are gay or bi. Here I can find somebody almost on daily basis.

 

[FPL2014]

It surprises me a lot that people are so overtly gay in your surroundings...

or maybe you're too young and are confusing their kindness for homosexuality???

In any case, if you're straight, just be frank and tell anyone who approaches you the simple truth. Just be careful not to hurt anyone's feelings unnecessarily. Treat others as they treat you.

 

[Peter.EU]

maybe I know what is the case: rumor spreads fast here and I am very noticeable among locals. 2 weeks ago I hanged out with one friend that is openly gay. People probably made some wrong conclusions about it. Also my another friend introduced me one 17-years old girl. I was quite upset, not my type and what the hell? Maybe another conclusion?

Today morning I went off my house and some "gentleman" whistled: "Hey handsome!" I am pretty sure I am not mistaken. On the other hand today I met one suspiciously friendly journalist. Brilliant guy, I certainly accept his invitation to nice cup of English tea and learn more about Kashmir .

this or than it is time to settle this confusion once and for all.

 

[sk66rc]

Common courtesy goes both ways... If their actions are not an immediate threat to you physically, I would just ignore it... If they start doing stuff that makes you uncomfortable, be straight forward & honest... Something along the line of "Thank you for your kindness & I'm flattered but I'm straight..." would go a long way... If they persist, then basically that tells me they don't respect your personal space & you as a human being... That's that... Do what you feel is the right thing to do at that point...

 

[Veruca]

Hey Peter. Homosexuality is actually against Islamic laws and punishable by imprisonment in some countries. I dont know where Pakistan stands on this but I do know that being honest isnt going to help your situation. Also, hugging, shaking hands and engaging in physical touch are all not signs that men here are showing romantic or sexual interest in you. In India, Bangladesh and Pakistan, this is the culture. People are friendly and they have a strong sense of comradeship so they hold hands and hug etc to show this.

Being invited home is also a norm in this part of the world and doesnt necessarily mean sexual interest. It is the culture to cook for and eat with guests. So unless someone does something really pointedly romantic like trying to kiss you or literally take you to bed, Id advise you to enjoy the hospitality and not say something to offend them. Of course there are some gay men there I am sure but openly suggesting that they might be that could endanger their lives and yours. So better to just be polite I think.

If you would really like to be sure no one mistakes your sexual orientation, youcan perhaps say that you have a girlfriend back home or something.

Hope this helps and that you have a good stay! Kashmit is a beautiful place I hear!

 

[Peter.EU]

yop, Kashmir is called Indian Switzerland. This is just feeling, and I can see that. Yup, they have romantic intentions and I am sure no straight man would whistle just like than on the street "hey handsome" Message is very clear.

Yes, I don't wan't to create awkward situation so I just mention something politely about my sexuality in respect with girlfriend or something. I am sure no one will feel hurt, I just don't wan't them to feel silly. Mostly because they actually MIGHT have a reason to think that: 2 weeks ago I accompanied one very nasty gay. Long story, I had to because of my work. It could be easily mistaken for friendship or something.

I'll settle this once and for all. Thanks for advice.

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btw I can often see males hugging, holding hands and doing rather romantic gestures on the street. I have feeling that in this part of the world homosexuality is much more public expressed than in EU or US. Also one missionary told story about poor males in Islamic countries: they cannot offer to "buy" women (actually it is not a purchase; it's a gift for her family) so they are doomed to either single life or homosexual relationships.