Insecurity Is Destroying My Oppurtunities

[AFrozenSoul]

This is kind of a rant so feel free to tune it out. I just wanted to say something.

Why is it that my insecurity is destroying all my hopes? I spend a couple of days building myself up. Trying to become more secure and happy and bold. Then my fears of rejection, or destroying something that is already good, get the better of me. I get confident and happy, then I let my fears get the better of me. It always seems to happen to me.

I become resolute and determined, hell even confident. However, it is just card house. The winds of my self-hatred and insecurtity blow it over with ease. Whether it be determination to get a new job. Or determination to try and get a girlfriend. I get so very nice and confident and then it all crumbles into nothingness.

Why does it have to work like this? Why can't I just be confident in myself. Confident in what I feel. Why do I have such a terrible fear of rejection? How come I want to give up long before I even get a chance to begin? Why is it that I am always content with less? Why is it that I comprise so I can have something good but not something great? Why don't I want to take the chance at having something great? Why am I too scared to reach for true happiness? What the fresia is wrong with me?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

There's nothing wrong with you.
Stop condem yourself or beating up on yourself.
You're internalizing all of these things as using it against you.

Fear it just a feeling. Everybody has feelings of fears. Hopefully this take the whatever morbid or moral perceptions about fears.
Courage is not without fears. I hope that makes sense. Everyone has insecurities.
It's taking actions or steping forward inspite of the feelings of fears.

Sometimes fears are good for us...it keeps us safe. Such as being fearful of a rattle snake. In this way fear works for us.
So bascailly fears is just a feeling built into our system as a survive instink to protect us.

Our consious mind also generate fualts perceptions or compensate in order for it to function.
In other words...our consious mind pretty much wants to keep everything the same..our enviorment,
our surrounds, our routine, our habits. And it use fear as perimitter to keep us our comfortzone or it can operate.
Alot of people have a hard time adjusting to changes

Do a little bit of reserch about fears...about how your brain function.
Read up on fears...how people had overcome or face thier fears.
There's simple suggestions...Simply follow the instructions.

Learn to identify your emotions..sometime people get fear and entiscipations mix up.
Becuase your heart is pumping faster...blood presure gose up.
Learn how to be an observer of yourself...not a judge.

Make a list of fears you have..comfront them or experience them as an excersize.
In this way you'll get familar with feeling those fears. The more you face them the more
your mind will adjust or You'll simple get used to feeling fears and not trip out so hard.
It bascailly just go through you if you don't latch on to it, dwell on it, focus on it, run with it. (it passes)
Simply recognize it, process it, then let go.
The process might take days, weeks, months or years...previously.
If you practice facing and experincing your fears...you'll simply process faster and faster.
It also depends on the level of emotional attachments you have.
Simply excersize processing and letting go...over and over again. Then just reshift your focus to your confidence or get back on track again.

You are not your feelings...
You're identifying yourself as your feelings.

You just gotta keep on practicing at holding hold to your confidence..no matter what.

It's like what I'm going through at the moment...I having some set back...sometimes I feel rejected.
But oh fucken will....
It's like this...happiness is an inside job. I love myself plenty. I'm a good person I know I am.
As much as I love her. I love myself a thousand times more.
My love for her comes from inside of me...not from her.
My love for me comes from inside of me...not from her.
I love her....get it? And there's plenty of love inside of me. There's oceans of it.
I can be happy with or without her. I'm ok with me ..with or without her.
I don't need her fucken permmision to live or breath..I'll do whatever the fresia I want. It's my life.
It's her fucken lost not mine. I deserve to be treated with love , dignity, and repect. If she's not willing
or is not able to treat me in such ways...will fresia her if she can't take a joke. I'll find someone who will.
She's just another human being.
Beside..it's not like I havn't had sex with hundreds of time already. And it's not like I havn't made her seen god or screaming "oh god..oh god"
I'm the honeysuckle !!! She aint the only chick that asked me out. i had plenty of women throw themselves at me.
Beside..she's not my only ex..that consider getting back with me or called me in the middle of the night here lately..tell me I'm one of the sweeties, loving, gental, caring man.
Everyone of them said..the grass wasn't greener on the other side and they kind of messed up. hahahaaaa
Will...I have plenty of confidence now...hearing that from 4 different women. So it must be true.

My confidence comes from inside of me..it too is an inside job.

Will priase yourself everytime you face your fears or a fear.
Everytime you accomplish something...no matter how big or little..Tell you're self "Cool or good job,
great you over came that"...don't wait for other people to praise you. Be your own parent.
Bordom is actaully a good thing...becuase it's your mind telling you it's time to change
and move on to different things.

You gatta learn how to be your own best friend. Have a good/positive internal dialog with yourself.
Be your own life's coach. Be your own CEO of your life. Be your own boss to your life. Be a loving god to yourself that will love you uncoditionally to yourself.
Br your own guiding light. Be your own guiding angel.
You live with yourself 24/7s..it's only commonsense that you be kind, loving, forgiving, encouaging, caring, compassionate, non judgemental to yourself.
You can't give what you don't have...Have these things within yourself first and it'll expand outward.
You won't be a vacaumme..but rather a light shining outward

 

[AFrozenSoul]

I guess I am condeming myself because I let my fear control my life. I have always been like that. I honestly do not know if there is anything I can do about it. Fear keeps me safe, it keeps my friends with me. It keeps me from being a hypocrite. I do not feel like I accomplish anything any more.

I don't know, my feelings are just crushing me.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

You are not your feelings...
Think of your feelings as the lights on your dash board.

This is what helped me....

Make a list of postive things you've done in your life...
Anything...any accomplishments..no matter now big or small you think they are..
Simply just make a list...don't aynalize it...Just make a list.

maybe you're just burnt out? Maybe you just need a break and just go play. Have a good time whatever it is.
Maybe just get some rest. Let your mind rest. Give yourself a break.

Have you suffered anytype of set backs or rejections lately?

Think of building your confidence as like rolling up a spool of strings...if you drop the spool then you'll simply have to roll up more stings.
It's maintaining your confidence through adverst circumstances or set backs that actaully builds or stenghten you confidence...becuase you'll
simply go through whatever even if the situations didn't turn out your way...your confidence is not shaken. And you'll resolve back to simply
forgiving yourself or loving yourself again (positive dailog with yourself) then move forward but stronger. In other word..you'll just shake it off , it's just bumps on the road,
or it's all good. You gotten in the habit of not dwelling on set backs.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Aside from annoying set backs at work, no I haven't. What is killing me now is a potential future rejection of a female. Fear of being dropped into her friend zone, never to return. Fear of ruining what could have been a good friendship.

Lets just say the kind of fun I need requires lots of time and rejection to get. I cannot just go out and have that fun as much as I want. Not to mention I have an annoying roommate who would get in the way of my fun. A some what obsessively broken heart also gets in the way of achieving that kind of fun.

I that the bumps have worn me down. I have yet to have the kind of success that will repair my soul. We can all say that adversity makes us stronger. However, if you face nothing but adversity. It is like driving a car without every getting maintenance. The car will wear down and eventually stop running.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Why is it that my insecurity is destroying all my hopes?

Because you allow it. Be yourself and accept it. I would think you'd be more confident if you just accept who you are. "I is what I is, and that's who I am." I think it's more appreciated if you just be yourself. That way, you don't have to pretend to be something or someone you're not. You won't have to put a facade on. Or lie to cover up a lie that covers up another lie. Don't be half-assed with things. If you have certain intentions with something, go for it. And be honest with yourself. Be honest about all your goals, hopes and intentions. There's really no sense in lying about it. The truth will be uncovered eventually anyway.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@VanillaCreme:It is so very hard to be yourself when you are alone. I know myself won't win me any friends or lovers. Most people are repulsed by the kind of attitude I have with life. Even if I accept myself, I will still be alone. Which is why I need the facade. That way I can at least try to have something or someone.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Ahhh..man.
Don't trip out too hard...as i say. Give yourself a break.
Stop worryinh about it.

I got totally rejected not too long ago. And she's like the world to me.
I'm not saying it dosn't hurt...it dose alot...but it's not the end of the world or the end of me.
I'm so...so much bigger than my pains or fears. I'm not my pains or fears...I feel pains and fears.
It's not I've havn't been stood up, rejected , messed over, used and all kinds of stuff...
But there's been plenty of women in my life that fines me adorable and loveable.

It is this...I can hold my head up high. I threw my heart out there and I took that chance
and risked of getting hurt...but I tried. I gave myself a chance. if i didn't take the opportunity
that was given to me...i wouldn't be able to live with myself either.
I had to that. I just had too.

Right, wrong, good, bad or indifference...onething for sure the woman konws I have balls...

 

[VanillaCreme]

@VanillaCreme:It is so very hard to be yourself when you are alone. I know myself won't win me any friends or lovers. Most people are repulsed by the kind of attitude I have with life. Even if I accept myself, I will still be alone. Which is why I need the facade. That way I can at least try to have something or someone.

Well, you could change yourself. I'm not the one for changing who anyone is as a person, however, you appear to be unhappy with it, so, change it. If you're unhappy with something, make so it changes. Anyone is capable of working to better themselves.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@Lonesome Crow: I try to give myself a break. However, when I do something like that I just end up sitting and going no where. I fall asleep and life passes me by. It already happened once.

Given this female is my second potential female in 3 years. It is hard to just hold my head up if I get rejected. Mainly because I don't know if there will be any others for years to come. It is not like I go out and meet females every day. The only other females I know are co-workers. Who treat me like their geeky best friend who couldn't meet a girl if his life depended on it. Only one female has loved me and she left me because of a title. Now I have another one who I want to love me. I don't want to scare her away with advances she may or may not want. I guess I would rather settle for only having a friend then having no one.

I fear for myself that rejection is the end of me. Because I am weak, I am tired, and I am heart-broken. If I take a break, my heart won't heal. I won't get better, and I will fall into a far darker place than I am now.

@VanillaCreme: That is what my facade does. It takes a my dark cynical life and puts a smile on it. It tries to make me appear content with life. I am trying to change, however, change requires acceptance of things that I am not sure if I am ready to accept.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I know what you're saying belive me I do...
but don't beat up yourself or think that there's something wrong with you.
This is what I do..I can't afford to beat up myself..it dosn't get me anywhere but a bad place and space. Been there and done that.
I can't afford to go into my depression or negative thinking...I did that. I paid a heavy price and suffered in my own prison.
The only good thing that came out of that was...I know...know not to go there today no matter what happens in my life today.
I recognize the wronging signs.

I'm not exempt from self defeating thoughts or feelings going through me. I just don't run with them.
I just let go of them.

I'm not saying it dosn't hurt to get rejected. It hurts like a son of a ***** as a matter of fact.
I don't drink or get high on top of that...so I feel everything. Sometimes I cry if I need to. It's ok crying is not
going to kill me or make me less of a man. it actaully makes me a stronger man becuase I'm not afriad to cry.
I basically treat my crying that same as my fears. I just accpet it. I don't fight. I know I'm hurted..but it's ok
becuase crying is part of the healing process. It bascailly gose through me and passes. I don't walk around
all day whining or feeling bad about myself or life sucks. I just don't anymore. I'm done with that...I did that too.
It didn't get me anywhere.

Lol...sometimes I act like a geek or silly. I'm playful and I like to crack stupid jokes...mmm I'm not afriad of being a geek.
I'm not afriad of being me. fresia it...I have a good sense of humor.

What i mean by taking a break is...go out and have fun...do what you like to do.
I enjoy music...sometimes I'll just strum my guitar...that's something a woman can never give me.
Music comes out of me from inside of me. I also get into R/C modeling. I love aviations. Sometimes
I design my own air frame or modify them. It's another creative side of me. A woman can't give
me these things. I also love drawing or art. These were the things I did as a child before girls came
into my life. I play music when I was 8 years old. I also build model airplans, read and reserch about
avaition. I drew for as long as I can remember. Aside from just having fun with these activities...it also
allows me to be creative. It also makes me a more balance or complete person.
The paradox of that is...my creativity are some of things that women finds me attractive or it's something
I'll have in common with the women that I'm attracted to. My ex-gf sang like an angel...it was some of the things
I found her very,very attractive or sexy beyound just her looks.

 

[Ursus Veritas]

Name me something you are insecure about. Then do it. Force yourself too. I was insecure about my knees (They are like mixed up a little) so i wore shorts to the beach everyday for a month. Little steps to get over it.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@Lonesome Crow: I guess the question is how do you get over your own negative thoughts. They seem to be a hurdle I cannot over come.

Crying is another problem I have, I cannot do it. Well when I am sober anyway... even then when I am drunk I cannot really cry. I can get tears out, but I cannot just break down... like I need too.

I am also finding that the things that I loved to do are no longer that appealing. I am just tired I guess. I really love video games. However, I have not been able to motivate myself to play any recently. I think about all the stuff I want to do. Then I cannot bring myself to do them. Everything seems very pointless. Any advice on how I can over come this?

@Ursus Veritas: Talking to females, is something I am very insecure about. To the point I am terrfied of it. It feels like forcing myself to do something like that would be like forcing myself to rip off my own arms.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

It's not as complicated as you think.
I don't overcome my negative thoughts..I just let them go through me.
I don't aynalize them.

I wish I still have the article about the negative inner vioce. That as very benificial to me. It helps me alot.
Maybe you can google it?
As i said...I just had to sit still for a while...basically everyday for an hour at a park bench...outside of my house.
It kind of like meditation ..but not really. I simple just made a commitment to myself to have an hour of peace
and learn how to be an observe of my mind. I starter noticing my negative vioce going in my head.
"life sucks, I'm not good enough....etc" sometime it was a vioce of my father's becuase he used to scoll me
and critizise me all the time"
I simple just ask my negative inner vioce to stop...for it no longer serve me.
The vioce is neatraul as stated in the artical. I bascailly just replace the old tape.
It didn't go away over night.. The more I recognize it..the more I catch myself.
I simply started to have a positive inner dialog within myself. Kind of like talking to myself.
Bascailly I'll tell myself "ok that was total bullshit my head is telling me (old negative thoughts)
now can you please just knock the honeysuckle off and be positive" " I love myself". " I can" "I'm good enough"
" I derseve to be happy" "oh okay..that was totally wrong you goofed, do better next time, there's nothing wrong with you."

Bascailly instead of having a negative inner vioce. Have a positive inner vioce.
It's the same vioce...you can simply replace the message.

i actaully made that committment to myself for 90 days....Graully it became my habit or my thinking process.

or you can try the sedona methdoe
It'll bascailly tell you to just drop it, let go, release negative thoughts and feelings..It takes practice just like
anything else. It had help me a great deal..becuase i was going through a longterm relationship break up
and someone I love died almost back to back. It sent me into a spiral becuase i was trying to figure everything out...
but all that did was drove me crazy. I felt really bad about myself. And i had a lot of guilt and regrets becuase Jenni's death.
All those things left me feeling negative about life in general. I felt very, very tired of living. Yeah...bascailly just like you.
I didn't have the drive to do anything and I felt very depressed all the time. I had a hard time accepting those things that happened,
espeacially Jenni's death.

After listen and applying the sedona methdoe for a month. I notice changes and releaved.
Poeple started noticing the changes in me
I still practice it alot and I still listen to the lessons when I want to or need to.

i also listen to ultimate confidence...all day long on my MP3...it gose into great depth of negatives thinking, facing fears,
guilt, shame...etc. Even this requires that I listen to it for at least a month everyday so that my mind will obsorb it...
For the first couple of weeks...it gave me a headache...that's becuase my mind or old thinking patterns was still trying to fight it.
I still listen to it when i need to..kind of like preventive maintenance or positive re-enforcements.


As you said..you built up your confidence before. You just stopped practicing it.
In a way that's like a baby step..as Ursus Veritas.

Another way of doing it...is "oneday at a time." or an hour at a time.
You can start your day over again anytime you want....
When I first go clean and sober..I had a lot of shittie days.lmao

It's the same as your self confidence...you can restart it again anytime you want.

it's the samething as taking baby steps or breaking things down into small chunks.
Kind of like you can't eat a stake all in one bit. Just take a little bite at a time...eventaully you'll get there.

here's the serinity prayer..applied with fears.

I have to accept that i have feelings of fears. I can't change that.
I'll take the courage to not react to my fears negatively but rather take positive actions...this I'm capiable of doing.
I'm wise enough to know the difference.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@Lonesome Crow: Just let them go through me. I guess I can just say that is to difficult when I know them to true. It is hard not to think about them... sorry I am just repeating myself.

What was the name of the article It is hard to google it if I don't know the title.

I guess my problem is that I am impatient. I may be young, but I feel my life has long since passed me over. I don't want to wait around for 90 days to fix myself. Just like I am very demoralized about spending the next year trying to get in shape. It feels like no matter what I do I am losing time.

Ultimate Confidence eh? I guess I can try and find a torrent of it.

As for my confidence, it goes up as quickly as it falls down, it feels almost fake most of the time.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Anything worth having is worth working for and fighting for. And if you don't want to do that, then there's nothing else anyone else can do. You must not think it's important enough to work and fight for.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

@Lonesome Crow: Just let them go through me. I guess I can just say that is to difficult when I know them to true. It is hard not to think about them... sorry I am just repeating myself.

What was the name of the article It is hard to google it if I don't know the title.

I guess my problem is that I am impatient. I may be young, but I feel my life has long since passed me over. I don't want to wait around for 90 days to fix myself. Just like I am very demoralized about spending the next year trying to get in shape. It feels like no matter what I do I am losing time.

Ultimate Confidence eh? I guess I can try and find a torrent of it.

As for my confidence, it goes up as quickly as it falls down, it feels almost fake most of the time.

Just google negative inner vioce or over coming the negative inner vioce

yeah..that's where I got ultimate confidence.lol

ahh...don't trip out on that...some people say "fake it til you make it."
It's part of the process...
That's becuase you're making changes and a part of you is not used
to it yet. It'll be natural to you if you keep on practicing it.

After a while..you'll just tell a girl as a joke..you need lots of practice
in kissing so you can get it right.lol
Then she'll actaully kiss you.
It depens how you say it...not what you say.

Also try The power of the NOW

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@VanillaCreme: You are probably right, I come here and whine and *****. But in the end I can only wonder do I really care about the change? You raise a good point, I probably don't think what I am crying over is worth the fight. I want to believe that it is, but I guess... well I don't know what I guess. I need to think on it.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Lmao....I'm tell'in you man. Having balls turns women on..That's what Nilla is trying to tell ya.

Like i said...right, wrong, good, bad or indifference. She knows I have the balls. I make her blood boil oneway or the other

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@Lonesome Crow: I am going to reply to both of your posts with this one.

The first one: I guess I can try faking it, kind of hard when what I want is to lose weight. As for the joke, about kissing, I guess after a couple of months I can try it. Just get friend-zoned and slowly work my way into her heart.

The second one: Having balls eh, hard to have something I have never really had to begin with. I also feel guilty about saying I want to be friends, via the net, and then go out and try and hit on her. When I don't even know if she is interested... that is not the point of this thread. If you would be willing to advise me I can send you a PM.