Insomnia and middle of the morning ramblings

[shadetree]

Its dark outside, its been that way a while now. The past 5 days its been raining my sleeps been messed up. I litterally havent seen the sun in a week and just really beginning to weigh kind of heavily on my sanity.

Im on disability stuck at home and dont really go anywhere.No friends outside the internet. I need to change this and find some sort of social group, maybe go to the park SOMETHING anything to get the F out of this house.

Im married to somebody who i love but i dont have anything at all really in common with and that makes me even lonelier.

Woke up the other night to an empty house everybody was gone, no note nothing. And they do this constantly. Adds to that feeling. Its not so much the being alone, im used to that. I just really hate how once youre lonely its like this huge giant boulder rolling down a hill and you cant seem to stop its momentum.

I did reconnect with my old online gaming group and i get on teamspeak with them and we play a FPS game called dirty bomb and i actually feel "normal" when im hanging out with them. But this past week i took a break because that hidden stress from real life and all this time alone the anger etc was slipping through and i didnt want to end up snapping because i got mad at the game and have some sort of mental break down and scare them away. They know im pretty fuct up anyway and are ok with it but i dont want to go all serial killer on them lol. So i stepped away and took a break for a while.

Then during that time my sleep got screwed up so now im up when everybody else is asleep and that adds to the feeling of isolation. I read somebody elses post about coming across as desperate and i can really relate to that. Since ive been gaming with those guys again i remember who i really am when im not this "creature in the cave" Its just all these mental issues like depression, anxiety, loneliness, theyre all like quicksand and the more you struggle the deeper you sink.

I just wish i could get better at treading water and not sink in the first place i guess. Not really looking for advice unless you got some of that magical kind ill always take that...... Just needed to write this down and feel like somebody was listening and could maybe relate.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, if you did, and i hope everybodys doing okay.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I'm sorry to read about this shadetree. :\

I have felt isolated before, and lonely. It doesn't help the depression or anxiety or any other issues you might be experiencing. All I can say is that, try to keep yourself occupied, even if it's just being online, if that's the easiest thing you can do to keep distracted.

I don't really have magical advice to give you, but if you're feeling lonely, come talk to the people on the forum. Or come to the chat room. It might help some.

Hang in there, shadetree. *hugs*

 

[shadetree]

I'm sorry to read about this shadetree. :\

I have felt isolated before, and lonely. It doesn't help the depression or anxiety or any other issues you might be experiencing. All I can say is that, try to keep yourself occupied, even if it's just being online, if that's the easiest thing you can do to keep distracted.

I don't really have magical advice to give you, but if you're feeling lonely, come talk to the people on the forum. Or come to the chat room. It might help some.

Hang in there, shadetree. *hugs*

Thanks Ladyforsaken i appreciate it, trying really hard to keep my mind occupied but the worst part of this is that its hard to even concentrate when it gets this way.

 

[SofiasMami]

It's ok to ramble, we're here to listen
I hope things get better for you soon.

-Teresa

 

[constant stranger]

Is that picture from near where you live? It's an older gas station / store right? Out in small town, American countryside eh?

I live in small town country in Nebraska. These kinds of locales can be as lonesome as huge cities, in their own way. I've lived in both environments.

Well I don't have any answers for you either shadetree, but it suits me to listen to you ramble or rant if that's what you need to do. I guess that's one of the functions of this forum.

 

[shadetree]

It's ok to ramble, we're here to listen
I hope things get better for you soon.

-Teresa

Well i managed to almost get my sleep straight today so thats a start. Thanks for listening

---

Is that picture from near where you live? It's an older gas station / store right? Out in small town, American countryside eh?

I live in small town country in Nebraska. These kinds of locales can be as lonesome as huge cities, in their own way. I've lived in both environments.

Well I don't have any answers for you either shadetree, but it suits me to listen to you ramble or rant if that's what you need to do. I guess that's one of the functions of this forum.

No its a photo i found online but theres a lot of places like that around here. Its a really small town where i live too i appreciate the thought, thanks for taking the time to reply.

 

[SofiasMami]

I actually thought that interesting little house was your house at first - then I realized you can see right through the back of it lol
And glad to hear you got some sleep

-Teresa

 

[ladyforsaken]

I'm sorry to read about this shadetree. :\

I have felt isolated before, and lonely. It doesn't help the depression or anxiety or any other issues you might be experiencing. All I can say is that, try to keep yourself occupied, even if it's just being online, if that's the easiest thing you can do to keep distracted.

I don't really have magical advice to give you, but if you're feeling lonely, come talk to the people on the forum. Or come to the chat room. It might help some.

Hang in there, shadetree. *hugs*

Thanks Ladyforsaken i appreciate it, trying really hard to keep my mind occupied but the worst part of this is that its hard to even concentrate when it gets this way.

That's understandable. You gotta keep trying or do something that you know will get your attention and focus, even if it's just for a short little while. Otherwise, try coming online and chat with people. I think that also helps.