Here's an interesting dating experiment I came across that I thought I'd share (this is not mine btw).
After the 2nd experiment, so many women wrote to me that I shut it down. I don’t like deceiving people, even online, so I don’t feel good about this, but I had to know in the name of science. Hopefully sharing this true story will absolve my conscience:
I’ve had a profile on okc for a long time, and I changed it around several times, but it was never very successful. No girl ever wrote to me once, and the response rate to messages I sent was lower than typical from what I read here. I needed to know: was I just wasting my time carefully perfecting the text of my profile and crafting clever messages to women when it’s really all just about looks?
So I decided to put up fake pictures. I did some random FB searches, found a good-looking guy who didn’t hide his photos, and stole a few. He looks “all american”, muscular, square-jaw, unshaved for exactly one day, and blonde. I put up the new photos, and didn’t change a single other element of the profile, which had been the same for over two months.
Instantly, women began to message me almost daily. I thought I had picked a guy who would rate an 8, but I did a search on okc for guys in the same age-range and same area, and I realized that my guy was probably more like a 9 – more attractive than most of the competition.
Right away I felt bad about wasting women’s time with a fake profile, but I also had a moment of self-pity realizing the incredible success of this guy who was like me in every single way expect better looking. So after a couple of weeks of daily messages, I decided to add this message to the “You should message me if” section at the bottom of my profile:
You shouldn’t. I definitely will not write back to you. Not because you’re not good enough for me, but for another reason. Women of okcupid, looks aren’t everything. I recommend that you experiment with writing to some guys who are less attractive.
If I was a girl and I read that, I’d think, “What a ******-bag! Get over yourself.” Or I’d think, “This must be a fake profile.” Or I’d at least think, “Well, no point in writing to this guy.” I honestly thought this would ensure women wouldn’t waste their time on me. It just goes to show that I don’t know honeysuckle about female psychology.
The experiment was over, so I didn’t check the profile for a couple of weeks. Meanwhile, I had turned email notification off. When I logged in again, my box was flooded. I had been getting twice as many messages, sometimes 4 per day. Mostly from very cute girls.
The unattainable guy must be obtained!
I even got messages from a couple of girls who the less-attractive me had written to long ago and had never written back.
Here are some typical messages I received:
you said not to message you, so I’m electing to “wink” instead. Hopefully that won’t be too much of an affront to your rules.
You sounded so sweet and loving, but then you tell the ladies not to write because you are too good looking? Wha?
you seriously won’t email any girl back? talk me through your reasoning.
My favorite:
you said not to. I always did have a problem with doing what I’m told
Though I could have learned even more, I lived up to my promise not to write anyone back. That would be ******* with people, which was never my intention.
What’s the lesson here? The 1st experiment isn’t too surprising: if you’re hot, nothing else matters. The results would be more interesting if I had picked fake photos that were slightly less attractive.
The 2nd unintentional experiment shows the being arrogant and unobtainable is absurdly effective (although maybe only if you’re hot). By the way, most of the women who wrote me had a high match %, and seemed both smart and not shallow. The materialistic hotties did not write to me. Indy girls and masters program graduates did. One who winked at me says she’s a feminist on her profile.
For those of you who would say, “Well, not all women are the same”, I agree. One girl called me out saying, “I smell a fake profile.” What a cool chick! I would have written to her from my new real profile, but honestly she’s not my type physically. Yep, I’m just as shallow as anyone. I’m not pointing any righteous fingers. Just helping you be honest with yourself about how the world works.
EDIT The last thing I want to do is discourage anyone from trying to find dates. As someone said, find your best photos and keep at it. If you’re taking away from this, “the world is cruel, so why try?” that’s not coming from me.
Personally, I feel better knowing that online dating success rides so very very much on appearance – something that I can’t change. That means I don’t have to torture myself wondering things like, “Do I sound boring? Did I make a spelling mistake? Am I supposed to mention that I like sports?” So many posts on r/okc ask for critiques of wording, and most of it is pointless speculation. Better to spend that time messaging women.
After the 2nd experiment, so many women wrote to me that I shut it down. I don’t like deceiving people, even online, so I don’t feel good about this, but I had to know in the name of science. Hopefully sharing this true story will absolve my conscience:
I’ve had a profile on okc for a long time, and I changed it around several times, but it was never very successful. No girl ever wrote to me once, and the response rate to messages I sent was lower than typical from what I read here. I needed to know: was I just wasting my time carefully perfecting the text of my profile and crafting clever messages to women when it’s really all just about looks?
So I decided to put up fake pictures. I did some random FB searches, found a good-looking guy who didn’t hide his photos, and stole a few. He looks “all american”, muscular, square-jaw, unshaved for exactly one day, and blonde. I put up the new photos, and didn’t change a single other element of the profile, which had been the same for over two months.
Instantly, women began to message me almost daily. I thought I had picked a guy who would rate an 8, but I did a search on okc for guys in the same age-range and same area, and I realized that my guy was probably more like a 9 – more attractive than most of the competition.
Right away I felt bad about wasting women’s time with a fake profile, but I also had a moment of self-pity realizing the incredible success of this guy who was like me in every single way expect better looking. So after a couple of weeks of daily messages, I decided to add this message to the “You should message me if” section at the bottom of my profile:
You shouldn’t. I definitely will not write back to you. Not because you’re not good enough for me, but for another reason. Women of okcupid, looks aren’t everything. I recommend that you experiment with writing to some guys who are less attractive.
If I was a girl and I read that, I’d think, “What a ******-bag! Get over yourself.” Or I’d think, “This must be a fake profile.” Or I’d at least think, “Well, no point in writing to this guy.” I honestly thought this would ensure women wouldn’t waste their time on me. It just goes to show that I don’t know honeysuckle about female psychology.
The experiment was over, so I didn’t check the profile for a couple of weeks. Meanwhile, I had turned email notification off. When I logged in again, my box was flooded. I had been getting twice as many messages, sometimes 4 per day. Mostly from very cute girls.
The unattainable guy must be obtained!
I even got messages from a couple of girls who the less-attractive me had written to long ago and had never written back.
Here are some typical messages I received:
you said not to message you, so I’m electing to “wink” instead. Hopefully that won’t be too much of an affront to your rules.
You sounded so sweet and loving, but then you tell the ladies not to write because you are too good looking? Wha?
you seriously won’t email any girl back? talk me through your reasoning.
My favorite:
you said not to. I always did have a problem with doing what I’m told
Though I could have learned even more, I lived up to my promise not to write anyone back. That would be ******* with people, which was never my intention.
What’s the lesson here? The 1st experiment isn’t too surprising: if you’re hot, nothing else matters. The results would be more interesting if I had picked fake photos that were slightly less attractive.
The 2nd unintentional experiment shows the being arrogant and unobtainable is absurdly effective (although maybe only if you’re hot). By the way, most of the women who wrote me had a high match %, and seemed both smart and not shallow. The materialistic hotties did not write to me. Indy girls and masters program graduates did. One who winked at me says she’s a feminist on her profile.
For those of you who would say, “Well, not all women are the same”, I agree. One girl called me out saying, “I smell a fake profile.” What a cool chick! I would have written to her from my new real profile, but honestly she’s not my type physically. Yep, I’m just as shallow as anyone. I’m not pointing any righteous fingers. Just helping you be honest with yourself about how the world works.
EDIT The last thing I want to do is discourage anyone from trying to find dates. As someone said, find your best photos and keep at it. If you’re taking away from this, “the world is cruel, so why try?” that’s not coming from me.
Personally, I feel better knowing that online dating success rides so very very much on appearance – something that I can’t change. That means I don’t have to torture myself wondering things like, “Do I sound boring? Did I make a spelling mistake? Am I supposed to mention that I like sports?” So many posts on r/okc ask for critiques of wording, and most of it is pointless speculation. Better to spend that time messaging women.
