Okay, so granted, I'm not new here, but I'm actually coming here with an introduction and a request for some help on a homework assignment. 
My homework assignment is to write an intellectual autobiography of myself (aka, an introduction of myself to the teacher). I wrote one, but it's rather atypical, and it could be completely awful.
Sooo, I was hoping you guys could read it and give me some feedback on how to improve it. The main thing I'm wondering about is whether or not I should cut out the first paragraph.
Thank you sooooooooooooooo much in advance.
Your objective feedback is truly appreciated.
Here's the autobiography:
I suppose I’ll start my autobiography by noting that I’m exactly the type of person who finds it impossible to start an autobiography. It’s a certain mixture of indecisiveness and writer’s block, amplified by the maddeningly overwhelming sense of obligation (admittedly self-imposed) to compress the entirety of one’s life down into a nifty little summary. Nonetheless, I’ll proceed under the preliminary condition that I’ll make no such attempt at any all-encompassing effort.
I was born June 3rd, 1989, in a hospital in the city of Orange (or so I’ve been told). My father named me “Matthew”, after the Matthew in the quite-popular book, The Bible. I’ve lived the majority of my life in Irvine, enjoying a typical American childhood of intense domestic turmoil and inane children’s television programming. My spare time was often spent in front of paper – reading, writing, drawing, and even the occasional origami escapade.
Starting in my middle school years and continuing on till present day, music has played an incredibly active role in my life – it began as a casual hobby but eventually became a lifestyle. My perpetual search for new musical revelation has often brought me into new, unfamiliar territories of genre, collectively spanning geographically across the globe and historically across hundreds of years.
Still, my activity of utmost satisfaction is not listening to music – but rather, writing it. Be it for solo piano, a jazz ensemble, a rock band, or an entire symphony orchestra, writing music never fails to draw me inward, looking into the introspective depths of my true self, and extracting the melodies, harmonies, and rhythms that my soul has to offer. On a less spiritual level, it’s an incredibly potent way of alleviating stress (not to suggest that composing doesn’t have it’s own unique frustrations).
I also enjoy literature a great deal. My works of preference tend to stay within the twentieth century, and although I haven’t really had the pleasure of binging on any specific genres, I will note that “emotional disillusionment” seems to be a common theme among my favorites. While I do quite often enjoy writing poetry and occasionally dabble in short pieces of prose, I’m regretful to admit that I’ve not yet had the patience to write a complete novel. This is an aspiration I plan to fulfill sometime before I die (although it would be quite pleasant to be able to do so afterward as well). Other interests of mine include visual art, films, comedies of all mediums, sensationalistic historical events, and exercising.
As someone of my generation, I feel it necessary to mention how the Internet has heavily affected the individual I am today. As someone who has spent much time visiting forums and other online vehicles of human expression, I’ve encountered many individuals whose opinions have bothered and upset me, including many comments championing elitism, ignorance, racism, and other ideologies that I’ve actively grown to distance myself from. However, in addition to pushing me towards the confines of misanthropy, the Internet has also provided me an unparalleled opportunity to empathize and identify with humanity. Reading online articles about tragedies characterized by callous human cruelty and pitifully unnecessary victimization (such as war atrocities, recreational torture, and abuse of the mentally ill) has made me both deeply sympathetic of human suffering and deeply disgusted by human cruelty.
As for the future, all I can offer are uncertain musings. The supposed plan is to eventually work my way up to a PhD in Psychology, but the practicalities of life may suggest otherwise. I’ll end this autobiography by mentioning that I’m also exactly the type of person who finds it impossible to end an autobiography, for reasons I’m sure we can all relate to.
My homework assignment is to write an intellectual autobiography of myself (aka, an introduction of myself to the teacher). I wrote one, but it's rather atypical, and it could be completely awful.
Sooo, I was hoping you guys could read it and give me some feedback on how to improve it. The main thing I'm wondering about is whether or not I should cut out the first paragraph.
Thank you sooooooooooooooo much in advance.
Your objective feedback is truly appreciated.
Here's the autobiography:
I suppose I’ll start my autobiography by noting that I’m exactly the type of person who finds it impossible to start an autobiography. It’s a certain mixture of indecisiveness and writer’s block, amplified by the maddeningly overwhelming sense of obligation (admittedly self-imposed) to compress the entirety of one’s life down into a nifty little summary. Nonetheless, I’ll proceed under the preliminary condition that I’ll make no such attempt at any all-encompassing effort.
I was born June 3rd, 1989, in a hospital in the city of Orange (or so I’ve been told). My father named me “Matthew”, after the Matthew in the quite-popular book, The Bible. I’ve lived the majority of my life in Irvine, enjoying a typical American childhood of intense domestic turmoil and inane children’s television programming. My spare time was often spent in front of paper – reading, writing, drawing, and even the occasional origami escapade.
Starting in my middle school years and continuing on till present day, music has played an incredibly active role in my life – it began as a casual hobby but eventually became a lifestyle. My perpetual search for new musical revelation has often brought me into new, unfamiliar territories of genre, collectively spanning geographically across the globe and historically across hundreds of years.
Still, my activity of utmost satisfaction is not listening to music – but rather, writing it. Be it for solo piano, a jazz ensemble, a rock band, or an entire symphony orchestra, writing music never fails to draw me inward, looking into the introspective depths of my true self, and extracting the melodies, harmonies, and rhythms that my soul has to offer. On a less spiritual level, it’s an incredibly potent way of alleviating stress (not to suggest that composing doesn’t have it’s own unique frustrations).
I also enjoy literature a great deal. My works of preference tend to stay within the twentieth century, and although I haven’t really had the pleasure of binging on any specific genres, I will note that “emotional disillusionment” seems to be a common theme among my favorites. While I do quite often enjoy writing poetry and occasionally dabble in short pieces of prose, I’m regretful to admit that I’ve not yet had the patience to write a complete novel. This is an aspiration I plan to fulfill sometime before I die (although it would be quite pleasant to be able to do so afterward as well). Other interests of mine include visual art, films, comedies of all mediums, sensationalistic historical events, and exercising.
As someone of my generation, I feel it necessary to mention how the Internet has heavily affected the individual I am today. As someone who has spent much time visiting forums and other online vehicles of human expression, I’ve encountered many individuals whose opinions have bothered and upset me, including many comments championing elitism, ignorance, racism, and other ideologies that I’ve actively grown to distance myself from. However, in addition to pushing me towards the confines of misanthropy, the Internet has also provided me an unparalleled opportunity to empathize and identify with humanity. Reading online articles about tragedies characterized by callous human cruelty and pitifully unnecessary victimization (such as war atrocities, recreational torture, and abuse of the mentally ill) has made me both deeply sympathetic of human suffering and deeply disgusted by human cruelty.
As for the future, all I can offer are uncertain musings. The supposed plan is to eventually work my way up to a PhD in Psychology, but the practicalities of life may suggest otherwise. I’ll end this autobiography by mentioning that I’m also exactly the type of person who finds it impossible to end an autobiography, for reasons I’m sure we can all relate to.
