Is being opinionated my downfall ?

[Juels000]

I have been told many times I am opinionated, I do not see it this way, yes I have an opinion but I do not force it on others and respect that everyone has their own opinion even if sometimes I do not like it. I do not rant and argue when I think someone else should have the same opinion as me, yet people still say I am. I was told this again yesterday. Is this why I have no friends? and what can I do to change this?.

Am i not allowed an opinion? should i just be quiet and not say anything to anyone, I am a strong person who has been through a lot and will not take no crap off people but does this come across as having an attitude, aggressive and opinionated? My social skill are not good so advice would be appreciated as I would like to be a better person so I may have some friends.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I have been told many times I am opinionated, I do not see it this way, yes I have an opinion but I do not force it on others and respect that everyone has their own opinion even if sometimes I do not like it. I do not rant and argue when I think someone else should have the same opinion as me, yet people still say I am. I was told this again yesterday. Is this why I have no friends? and what can I do to change this?.

Am i not allowed an opinion? should i just be quiet and not say anything to anyone, I am a strong person who has been through a lot and will not take no crap off people but does this come across as having an attitude, aggressive and opinionated? My social skill are not good so advice would be appreciated as I would like to be a better person so I may have some friends.

if your opinions are different to most people then 'yes' it probably is the reason why you don't have many friends. It's the same as having different interests / hobbies.

 

[Stonelands]

I have different opinions to many people about many things. I've alienated some people I knew in high school through posting about them on Facebook. Most of the time nowadays I am relatively good at biting my own tongue but they still come out once and a while.

Without knowing you it's kind of hard for me to tell if you're responsible for alienating friends or not.

 

[Badjedidude]

All I can say is that while everyone is allowed their opinion, sometimes we just have to choose our battles and not give our opinions if we know there's a possibility that we'll lose a friend over it.

Having an opinion =/= Giving voice to an opinion.

Like I said... choose your battles. If there's an argument going on and you take a stance that others don't, then by all means communicate your idea and engage in the conversation. But if you're the type to constantly voice your opinion of a great variety of issues, then be warned that a lot of people will interpret that as you being argumentative, a know-it-all, or just self-absorbed -- no matter how you look at it.

I know it sucks and you might feel like you're having to moderate yourself, but that's just the reality of interacting with others. I think if we all constantly gave voice to our thoughts, we'd all alienate ourselves from everyone we know.

 

[Juels000]

I have never been a sheep and do not follow what others do and have always stood alone and I think it is part of the problem people expect others to be similar but I could never do that, as a female I do not like shopping I do not spend hours in hairdressers and do not buy loads of clothes and makeup, I will not wait on a guy hand foot and finger the list goes on, I'm just me and it seems like people do not like this about me I am supposed to like all of the above but its all a waste of money and time to me and I do get very negative responses and yes friends in the past have tried to change me without any luck and have gone because I won't do what they do or want me to do and yes i do have different opinions to others but i do try so hard not to force it on others. So am i supposed to be something i'm not just because society says I should? just to have some friends or am i just picking the wrong sort of friends ?

 

[Badjedidude]

So am i supposed to be something i'm not just because society says I should? just to have some friends or am i just picking the wrong sort of friends ?

Probably the latter.

If they can't understand who you are and why you say/do the things you do, then why are they your friends?

Try to find those who can understand and deal with you as you are.

That's really all I can say without knowing you better. Hope it helps a little.

 

[Juels000]

Thanks for your replies, and Badjedidude I think living in a small town doesn't help if some don't like you they all follow so its now hard to make any friends but i do try and be so positive about it and try and be a better person not for them but for me

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Having an opinion and being opinionated are two different things, in my book. Someone who has an opinion can share it but accepts that it could be wrong and will share their opinion when asked about that topic. Someone who is opinionated will make sure that others know their opinion is right and cannot be wrong.

Example, my sister asks me "Do you want a hit of acid". I share my opinion of "No that is not my thing". Or I can be opinionated like my other sister "No acid is a drug and drugs are bad for blah blah blah blah blah".

Being closed-minded is a turn off even to other closed-minded people.

 

[Dr. Strangelove]

I've been accused of being a "know-it-all." A problem might arise at work and I'd have a solution immediately or sometimes I might explain how somebody's solution is incorrect (Professionally and politely) but people simply don't like being told when they are wrong. That being said, I've learned to keep my mouth shut about things and that is probably what the OP should consider doing. Just be the fly on the wall like most of us are haha.

 

[ardour]

Holding different opinions isn't an automatic barrier to friendship. A couple of my friends have vastly differing views to mine on some fairly controversial issues. It's never got in the way. Maybe you're a little too emotionally involved and can't tolerate an opposing view (despite what you've said.) Referring to people as "sheep" is kind of a give-away.

 

[MTrip]

Badjedi gave some great answers; I can't really improve on them. Unfortunately for you, it is true that most people are akin to herd animals. This is necessary to a degree. If everyone was an opinionated outspoken nonconformist, organized society (as well as peaceful relations) would be **** near impossible. Social conformity does serve a purpose. Doesn't make it any less irritating, though.

You need to find friends who accept you for who you are, instead of wanting you to fit into the Anytown, USA girl mold. Perhaps some research on a more cosmopolitan place to live is in order?

 

[Bluey]

I have been told many times I am opinionated, I do not see it this way, yes I have an opinion but I do not force it on others and respect that everyone has their own opinion even if sometimes I do not like it. I do not rant and argue when I think someone else should have the same opinion as me, yet people still say I am. I was told this again yesterday. Is this why I have no friends? and what can I do to change this?.

Am i not allowed an opinion? should i just be quiet and not say anything to anyone, I am a strong person who has been through a lot and will not take no crap off people but does this come across as having an attitude, aggressive and opinionated? My social skill are not good so advice would be appreciated as I would like to be a better person so I may have some friends.

I have plenty of times said nothing or agreed with something I know to be wrong many times for the sake of peace.
Not long ago I was asked by my sister why I agreed with another person about something I know to be wrong. She said I should speak what I know to be true. Most of the time this is a waste of time and achieves nothing but getting into a petty argument with someone about something that won't change anything anyway. Then a few weeks later I did speak my mind to my sister and her BF and got into a petty argument. Ironic realy!
People want you too be opinionated only when it suits them.
I would just say be yourself and have an opinion. You can with reasonable people speak your mind tactfully and truly and be respected for it.
Its just a shame there are not too many reasonable people about

 

[HappyYogi]

Hi Juels

My first feeling from this post was a feeling of judgment. From your writing you are essentially calling everyone not like you or everyone who doesn't appear to be unique as "sheep". This would put me off. It comes across that you have a chip on your shoulder or that you cannot see the uniqueness in all (although some are definitely unconventional).

This isn't meant as a criticism. You sound like you would be very interesting and fun to talk to. I am just relaying the "tone" I got reading this post.

I have never been a sheep and do not follow what others do and have always stood alone and I think it is part of the problem people expect others to be similar but I could never do that, as a female I do not like shopping I do not spend hours in hairdressers and do not buy loads of clothes and makeup, I will not wait on a guy hand foot and finger the list goes on, I'm just me and it seems like people do not like this about me I am supposed to like all of the above but its all a waste of money and time to me and I do get very negative responses and yes friends in the past have tried to change me without any luck and have gone because I won't do what they do or want me to do and yes i do have different opinions to others but i do try so hard not to force it on others. So am i supposed to be something i'm not just because society says I should? just to have some friends or am i just picking the wrong sort of friends ?

---

Regarding opinions and "hot topics". My opinion is (lol that is funny) is to be conservative as to when and how you express your opinion. Not all conversations need to be controversial. We live in a time of political polarization. Almost every social event there appears some individual who needs to loudly express their views. I often do not agree but I often say nothing. I only say something if it's necessary or I've been asked personally or if I feel safe to do so. Most of the time I just register my feelings with no enthusiasm or response. Why do I do this? I love meaty topics just as you do but the truth is many will simply like you less if you don't agree with them. And it's very uncomfortable to talk such controversial things when you barely know someone. I'd say do it with those who want to discuss these things with you and do it very gingerly, considerately...carefully choose your words.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I generally do the opposite. I state my opinion strongly, and then question myself hours later.

 

[HappyYogi]

I guess I wanted to add a bit more. Opinionated people can be tiring. I don't know what it is...maybe because you feel they are dominating you or being confrontational l but I feel they can be oft putting. Maybe because it doesn't feel light and fun or maybe because it makes others feel uncomfortable if they don't share the same views.

Having said that many like stimulating conversation. I believe it's the way and when you voice your opinion that matters. You need to make sure others are ready for it and want to engage in controversial topics, otherwise, it might not be fun for them. You can have a stimulating conversation just tread lightly without getting too heavy and make sure no one feels put down in anyway.

There is this guy who comes to my meet ups. He is always, always, bringing up controversial topics and asking people pointed questions. No one likes it, it's irritating. To him it's his way to have fun perhaps but what he doesn't realize that even intelligent people don't like to play the game with him, it's not fun. I hinted strongly at him to cool off and be lighter and guess what? He listened and he was much much better the second time around.