is love out there?

[cool_breeze]

Well, here it comes. Another thread. A few people come to mind right now.

sunbeam, Mazda13bRotary, Lonesome Crow

It's sort of related to Mazada13bRotary's thread Does anyone do long term anymore? Also, sunbeam you sound kind of like a girl version of me haha. I have a fair amount of friends, can get some attention from women, get told I'm good looking fairly often, get told I'm smart, interesting, etc. I can get dates fairly easily. The problem is after a date or 2 I usually realize the girl isn't my type or she will say the same about me. This has happened a LOT. It's like despite good characteristics I'm just too unique or something. I don't know. I hardly ever find someone who is good for me it seems though.

Some of you might be familiar with my problems. So what have I done lately? I've had sex with 3 girls in the last 2 weeks or so. It's not really as glamorous as it sounds but it's sort of fun. So I'm either going to keep getting better at having sex whenever I want or I don't know. That's a change. Before I would basically wait for love, which hardly ever seems to happen. It's kind of too bad. I would still like to think that really deep romantic love is cool. Maybe I'll just try to try as many girls as possible now. I don't know...

I still don't really like slutty girls who will just f--k anyone. I had at least some connection with these girls...

Well that's about it. I'm trying some stuff at least. Any other ideas?

I am not seeking someone perfect, I am open minded, tolerant, ready for compromises but I still can’t feel this magic spark, I’ve never felt this chemistry that take place from the first moments of meeting, I didn’t feel it in second or third meetings. I just felt nothing. This nothingness is very paintful, it’s like I m out of any feelings, what is pretty depressing, because I don’t wanna be like that anymore, and but there is nothing what I can do about it either.

Sometimes I feel I don’t belong to the world I live in, there s nothing worse than hear hey you have beauty, you have brain, you have guys in the palm of your hand, just pick one, stop complaining and being so picky . Oh God, I can’t heart it anymore, hate it when people say like that to me. I am not picky!

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Well...somewhere in my relpy when I was living with Jennifer. I did say
" lets see how long this is ganna last?" lmao

Jennifer and I broke up. It was actaully my fualt. I didnt put forth the effort into that relationship. Jennifer was very sweet , kind and loving to me.....

Anyway..yeah I kind of get ya about being a man whore.lol
I had a lot of fun with lots of women for around a year....
The reason why I did that was becuase I got really T off at my ex wf. Thats my reason away...but yeah it was fun but I could never make a deep connection or wanna committ to anyone again....

Then Renae called me oneday... She was my HS sweetheart and ex fiance...

anyway..I kicked Tracy to the curb and took of with Renae in January.

Renae and I have lots of issues...
So we seaprated...
Then I ran into Jennifer the first day I got back to CA..but I still have lots of emotional tides or bonding with Renae...

So Im putting my life and heart on the line again. I broke up with Jennifer and Moved...

---

Renae and have been talking on and off through all of this...
She called me this morning.
I love her very much. She loves me too.
I believe in that. I believe in our love ..

In a weird way Renae and I are in a long term...long term relationship...
If we get back together again..which is what Im hoping for and the posibilites are there. We sort of on the same page.
This will be our 5th time....
I guess in a way..if I see it differently or the bigger picture. Renae and I love each other lots cuz we're still willing to give our relationship anotther chance...time and time again. Thats lots of love. Lots of forgiveness. Lots of faith. Lots of hope. Lots of understanding.

---

For me...I believe I ltruely love Renae very much. As I said., shes was the woman I wanted to married and be with for the rest of my life from the beginning...

I was think it contributes to me not wanting or have a hard time connecting with other women. Or Ill try to turn other women into Renae or pick someone like her...ultimatelty that dosnt work...Or its like learning to Love someone....
Ive nevered had to learn how to love Renae. Ive alway loved her...
Maybe..Renae and I need to learn how to build a healthy relationship or work through hard times with each other instead of breaking it off all the time...
I hope that makes sense.

---

Another factor of why guys like u and I meet women all the times is becuase we dont put those women on pedestals.

Renae is on that pedestal..for me.
Shes the ultimate woman or Mrs right for me. The love of my life.
Once u have the best...the rest
is like second best....

Like they say...dont settle for second best. (honeysuckle like that gose in my head.lol)

 

[cool_breeze]

Ya. This is kind of a new thing for me. Having sex so quickly. You are lucky because you were in love with Renae at one point. I have never really been in love. I am advancing through my 20s (not too much left), and have had some relationships, dated girls, had sex with a few. None of it was really love though. So what am I supposed to do? You Lonesome Crow and some other people basically said until love sex is just going to have to do. I don't know... So I am trying different things now I guess... I always wanted to have sex with a low number of girls and just love them completely (and them love me also). Life doesn't seem to be like that (or at least my life). So maybe I'm the opposite now. I don't know...

It's still annoying that women seem to like me but on the other hand very few of them seem to be my "type"...

 

[AFrozenSoul]

There are plenty of women who go long term. Do you not really read any female posts on this forum?

So I saw a similar thread on another forum I am on. So can I ask, how do these dates go? What exactly do you do on these dates. In the case of this other guy. He spent the entire time interrogating the female. All he would do is question her and try to qualify her. So I explained to him how while it is important to qualify her. It is even more important to have fun. If you are having fun she will feed off your emotions and have fun with you. Then you will feed off of her fun and have fun in return.

However, the opposite is true as well. If you do not seem to have fun, she won't have fun. Her negative attitude will influence you and you will not have fun. Maybe she is the girl for you. However, you are so focused on the interview that you she is not having fun.

In my opinion, the fact that you cannot get past one or two dates says that you are trying to hard to find a woman to marry on date number three. Humans bond over laughter and fun. That is why people who seem to have nothing in common fall in love. Because in the end they have fun.

 

[beans]

Humans bond over laughter and fun. That is why people who seem to have nothing in common fall in love. Because in the end they have fun.

I see what you're trying to say about being too serious and interrogative. But I've been to single parties where I meet guys with great great sense of humor. They made me laugh so hard I was creating some abs. It was good fun. But hell, I don't think I'd want to get involved with them. Which means, they were good to have around as a friend, but to be in a serious relationship with them? Nuh uh. To marry them? Hell no. Because I see some things in them which makes me think they will not be a suitable partner. Or that they are not bf material. So there are definitely other things that women look into other than the guy being able to laugh and have fun.

 

[Badjedidude]

Yup. It's out there.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

yeah...try different things, Only you....yourself konws what will work or wont work for you.
Dont let your age or what other poeple say determind what you do or want out of life.

I was 42 when I started dating different women again.
Yes at first I felt all the guilt or the so call society pressure.
A 40 year old guy dating women half his age and all he wanted to is have sex.lol
I went without sex prior to that for almost a year and it drove me batttier than batman.

I was in a LT with Sherry for over 12 years. I took freaken advice of not getting into a relationship
for a year. Well fresia me, that didnt work out too good for me. I got more freaken lonely and depressed.
THIS IS WHERE I MESSED UP. I WAS TAKING ADVICE FROM OTHER PEOPLE( OLD IDEAS AND UNWORKABLE BELIEFS)...MY SHORTCOMINGS...ALL THOSE "SHOULDS, SHOULDNTS, U CANT DO THIS OR THAT...LIVE THIS WAY OR THAT WAY". I GAVE UP MY POWERS TO OTHERE PEOPLE AND PAID A TERRIBLE PRICE FOR NOT BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR THINKING FOR MYSELF OR BELIEVING IN MYSELF.

And it the very same lesson Renae and I still need to learn.
We both paid a terrible price and our duaghter as will...
We let other people( adults) make decisions or was perswayed to make decision pretaining to giving up our daughter up for adoptions. The pains, hurt, and guilt continues to huant
Renae and I when it pretains to our duaghter.

Theres a saying in recovery...
"what works for me might kill you. What works for you might kill me"

IDK...Jennifer is GF and wife material more than Renae....

I was actaully going out with Tracy and different girls when Renae got a hold
of me again. I know your not suppose to make decisions based off of your emotions...
but WTF is LOVE?????
Anyway....for the first time in my life for a long time my heart exploded.
I felt alive. I feel I can breathe again. i wanted to jump out of bed every morning and live.
I love Renae so much I would cry...tears would just flow out of me cuase i love her so much.
I get goose bumps all over my body. No other woman had never made me feel this way
or gave me goose bumps aside from Renae.

Renae and I have a lot of romance and passionant moments.
Stuff like the first time we saw each orther again,,,I drove hundreds of
miles to meet her half way,,,,I got lost. She got lost.
So we finally met in a liitle gas station out in the middle of nowhere.
We just held each other very tight and couldnt stop kissing for 1/2 hour...people
where just watching us. We didnt care what the world thought.

The first time we went out on the town...We went to an arcade.
We were having more fun than the kiddies...Laughing, joking and having
a good time.

Renae and I also cuddle lots...lots and lots of body contacts.
Ill also get her flowers all the time. I'll play my guitar or write music for her...etc
I'll either come up with peoms or saying.

Renae too was very much in love with me...She would tell everybody that Im her
BF or man. She was glowing. She felt very much the same as i did...alive and can breath
again. You also have to understand...We moved to northen nevada.
I was the only asian dude in town. Still lots of biggotry and hatred exist.
I met an eskimo one night..he freaken hung on to me as if I was his best freind.lmao
Renae didnt give a fresia. She's also a very pretty woman. Guys were chasing her but
She loves me and wasnt ashame of loving me. We hold hands in public everywhere we go.
Sometimes we would make out in bars and dance the night away as the world watched.
Some people on this forum dont read or see this part of the relationship Renae and I have...
becuase of all the sexy pics. Renae and I are really good in and out of bed.lmao
Lots of very passionate sex everywhere...such as in elevators or in daylight on a bussied road.
The fun factor meter gose way..way off the chart.lol

Yes...she's my type. Shes so much like me in so so many ways. Soulmate material.
Renae and i also have a lot of emotional bonding. We first met when we were only in our teens.
Kind of like...parants to child bonding when a child is a toddler...I hope that makes sense.

 

[LostInside]

There is this horrible cliche that "there is someone for everyone"

that should come with an *

*unless you don't look like what society deems acceptable

 

[cool_breeze]

There are plenty of women who go long term. Do you not really read any female posts on this forum?

...

In my opinion, the fact that you cannot get past one or two dates says that you are trying to hard to find a woman to marry on date number three. Humans bond over laughter and fun. That is why people who seem to have nothing in common fall in love. Because in the end they have fun.

You're probably just trying to help. I'm talking more about chemistry. I'm not really talking about "getting past" anything. A lot of women like me and I can get positive attention from women almost every time I leave the house if I want to. And the ones I go on dates with usually have a good time. But there's no reason to force it if there's nothing there. If after a couple dates there's not really a spark, why bother? I think I'm probably more unique than a lot of people also. I also mentioned that I've been getting sex easier lately and been more open to that, and have had some relationships in the past, etc.

A broader aspect is that we live in an increasingly promiscuous, hyper-capitalist society which really isn't working. A major proof was 2008 and you can look at all kinds of statistics about economics, relationships, etc etc.

My major irony is that in general women seem to like me but hardly any seem to actually fit me for "love." Men and women consistently say I'm good looking, nice, interesting, etc. Sometimes it's kind of hard to hear those compliments. I'm tall, in shape, found attractive even by men... I think it just comes down to uniqueness basically. Finding someone who's right for me...

Anyway thanks for the replies and good luck to you guys also. Time for bed...

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Lol well sex is easier to obtain for you, but I still have not had any and I am going on two years now. I would much prefer to be in your situation. Wanna trade places? You can be sexless and womanless, and I can have a bunch of empty meaningless sex. Sounds like fun right?

I still think you are the biggest roadblock in your quest to find a mate. There are really two things that I can see being your problem.

The first thing, you have a god complex. I see this in the way you describe yourself, as a very attractive guy. I also see this in the way you talk about how easy it is to get sex. You are clearly the superior human in these interactions. All these women are beneath you. They are lucky you are willing to put forth the effort to even glance at them. As such you are searching for a goddess. A woman who thinks equally high of herself. The problem is that those women are few and far spread. Most of them are just as skeptical as you are.

The second thing I can see is that you are actually scared of love. I think the main reason is you are scared of being a broken man. Lets say you find love, in your eyes. Yet she does not feel the same way. You are likely to end up the same as many of the men on this forum. The way you talk about sex and how easy it is to meet women. Shows to me that you have little respect for any guy on this forum. Meaning it would be terrible if you became like one. I also think you are scared of falling in love because you will lose the freedom you have now. If you feel the urge, you go out date and get laid. Otherwise, you live your life. Being in love takes away that freedom. Another persons life becomes your priority. Meaning you have to participate in that life, even if you don't want too. You have to sacrfice your life and time to be with this person. I think you are scared by this more than anything.

You sound like an entitled spoiled brat. You sound like the 5th generation of a rich family. A family that has always been rich and therefore takes it for granted. You have always been on the top, when it comes to women. Thus you do not really appreciate what you have. Like I said, I would gladly switch places with you. However, I would make sure to add the condition that we can only switch back if I want too. Meaning there is a good chance you would never get your life back.

How about this, why don't you start dating women you would not want to have sex with? I mean then you can focus purely on getting that chemistry you desire.

 

[Fvantom]

There is this horrible cliche that "there is someone for everyone"

that should come with an *

*unless you don't look like what society deems acceptable

Society and its bullshit has nothing to do with love, to be honest, someone who doesnt follow societys superficial standards is probably more likely to find real love

 

[IgnoredOne]

Relationships are in many ways, a degree of tolerance and understanding as well as the potential for hope. If you're looking for some magical vibe which will immediate testify to a permanent connection, I think that you'll be disappointed.

 

[LostInside]

There is this horrible cliche that "there is someone for everyone"

that should come with an *

*unless you don't look like what society deems acceptable

Society and its bullshit has nothing to do with love, to be honest, someone who doesnt follow societys superficial standards is probably more likely to find real love

If you are outside of the societal norm in America. If you look different in a manner that is considered very unattractive that person could very well be destined to life-long singleness

 

[the-alchemist]

I am not seeking someone perfect, I am open minded, tolerant, ready for compromises but I still can’t feel this magic spark, I’ve never felt this chemistry that take place from the first moments of meeting, I didn’t feel it in second or third meetings. I just felt nothing. This nothingness is very paintful, it’s like I m out of any feelings, what is pretty depressing, because I don’t wanna be like that anymore, and but there is nothing what I can do about it either.

Sometimes I feel I don’t belong to the world I live in, there s nothing worse than hear hey you have beauty, you have brain, you have guys in the palm of your hand, just pick one, stop complaining and being so picky . Oh God, I can’t heart it anymore, hate it when people say like that to me. I am not picky!

O.M.G........

This is so true for me, for me it is 100% exactly the same. In the past I could feel this spark but now, I cannot feel this spark anymore. I can go on dates and have fun but I can't take it to the next level, I cannot feel this chemical spark that comes for other people. It's so painful for me...

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Thats becuase that spark or feeling comes from within us. Other people or outside soruce
just trigger that feeling.
The same process also is true with our pains or sufferings....
Poeple dont really make us happy or hurt us..All they do is trigger feelings we have within ourselves.

Maybe its just a simple matter of allowing whatever woman you like to trigger those feelings.
Or you can simply trigger those feelings yourself.

In so many ways, that's why peaple like you and I draw women to us...becuase we're
happy go lucky already for the most part.

Just like tonight...I was talking to a chick I've never met. I was in a good mood already
so she just decided to chit chat with me...joke around and laugh and get to know each
other better. In so many ways...she's my type of woman just from what she's told me
about herself or her personality. She's capiable of being Mrs. Right....if I allow her or bond
with her.

Guys like you and I intuitive know or by default we dont hang around chicks thats being a *****
or in a bad mood. If we hang out...theyll associtate us with thier negative feelings.
So to a chick thats feeling down...we might come off as being irogant cuz we dont try to fix those women.
We move on to the next. So it looks like were players to women that's messed up in the head or feeling sorry for themselves.
In other words we dont do the fucken friendzone thing or become emotional tampons.

To dudes that cant get dates...they'll see us as heartless pricks or badboys. But we already know...that's thier god **** problems.


For the most part...It's actaully very simple...I CHOSE TO FALL IN LOVE or LOVE RENAE.
Its more of a personal chioce or committment....Yes that spark that Renae can easily
trigger just being herself helps. Thats becuase I associate Renae with those feelings
I have and not other women. Im picky...very, very picky. So what...
I know what I want and Ill get what i want. Whatever it takes.

 

[Bread]

I think it's all down to random chances, of which an infinitesimal amount are comparable to what most folks would call 'love'. I think lust is much more common and evident in society, whereas love very nearly borders on being a idealistic notion.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I think it's all down to random chances, of which an infinitesimal amount are comparable to what most folks would call 'love'. I think lust is much more common and evident in society, whereas love very nearly borders on being a idealistic notion.

Can you define what your definitions or idea of lust is?

Lust , desire, wanting arnt these all the same feelings?
A feeling of LACK so you strive for whatever it is that you want
or missing from your life.

Do you not lust for good health, happiness, wealth and love just the same?

Isnt lust just another idea or notion...just the same?

Or Lust to you is some kind of sinful forbidden sexaul act the people should feel ashame or guilty about?

 

[Bread]

Lust as in sexual lust. Plain and simple. Biology, not ideology.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I guess...its mating season all year round for some people?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Idk....I see couple out and about.
I see lots of young couples with babies or kids.
Where im living at or family orianted settings places. Even the night life are full of committed couples having dinner or just having out...

I havnt really stayed out late..late as I used too...when the single crowd comes ou N play... Where those same bars or resterants turn into parrty..party until you drop.

Just going through different phases or stages in my life.