Isolation

[lookatbrightside]

I'm sure there are people that wouldn't mind talking to you here.
Just stay open and keep trying.

If there is, I don’t know where they are ...

---

i gone to marriage site and got my spouse there, i'm not lonely now. though i don't have friends but at home i got my best friend that is my spouse that can make everything possible also can bring out my potentials, my life support system, my love, my everything.

there are many scammers, be patience, in a year i got my love one.

If you were happy to do that, then good for you. But it is not for everyone. 

Have been using dating sites since 2000, and, just like trying to meet people in “real life”, it has not been a success at all. Not one reply. No responses except from scammers ... and even they have dried up, thankfully, but they are usually pretty quick to spot anyway. 

Patience would be OK if I was actually meeting people. But I can’t find anyone. And I know you are happy with it, but, paying someone to be with me is not my idea of love.

i applied the marriage site for free, and i marry my loved one without paying my spouse isn't scammer of course   

we meet like normal people only with the help of internet.

alright, if anything good for you good to try, take care.

Hmmm. I doubt it was free. Nothing like that is free. But whatever.

---

it is free for sign up also there is membership that's pay, i guess i'm destine for free sign up and yes it isn't for someone like you maybe your face or whatever.

 

[Cucuboth]

I'm sure there are people that wouldn't mind talking to you here.
Just stay open and keep trying.

If there is, I don’t know where they are ...

---

i gone to marriage site and got my spouse there, i'm not lonely now. though i don't have friends but at home i got my best friend that is my spouse that can make everything possible also can bring out my potentials, my life support system, my love, my everything.

there are many scammers, be patience, in a year i got my love one.

If you were happy to do that, then good for you. But it is not for everyone. 

Have been using dating sites since 2000, and, just like trying to meet people in “real life”, it has not been a success at all. Not one reply. No responses except from scammers ... and even they have dried up, thankfully, but they are usually pretty quick to spot anyway. 

Patience would be OK if I was actually meeting people. But I can’t find anyone. And I know you are happy with it, but, paying someone to be with me is not my idea of love.

i applied the marriage site for free, and i marry my loved one without paying my spouse isn't scammer of course   

we meet like normal people only with the help of internet.

alright, if anything good for you good to try, take care.

Hmmm. I doubt it was free. Nothing like that is free. But whatever.

---

it is free for sign up also there is membership that's pay, i guess i'm destine for free sign up and yes it isn't for someone like you maybe your face or whatever.

---

Wow. OK.

 

[Sker01]

[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]It feels like the isolation is getting worse. 
[/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]Yes, I do go out and do things. Go to work. Go to gym. Go to bowling league. Go walking. I have done volunteering in the past, and done courses at university, TAFE, and at community college. 
[/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]I just don't meet people though. Don't make friends. Don't make connections. Don't have any chance for a relationship. It has always been like this, and seems to be getting worse. Even online it just feels like I don't fit in anywhere. Don't "click" with anyone. Most of the time it just feels like I am intruding on conversations, and, even if I'm not, it just seems like I am invisible. i always thought the internet was supposed to bring people closer together, make it easier to connect, that there was somewhere for everyone .... [/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif] [/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]But not for me, I guess. 
[/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]Therapy has never helped. Neither has medication. I feel like I just need help to find somewhere to belong. Help in actually meeting people. But there is nobody to ask. I think that is adding to the isolation and increasing frustration, knowing I need some help in these things, yet, having asked in the past, now knowing that there is nobody to ask ... and nobody who will. 
[/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]It adds to the thoughts, the feelings, of being really, truely, alone. 
[/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]And it is scary.[/font]

Greetings, friend!

If you want to find somewhere to belong, first you need to know what you like. Don't try things for feeling that you're obliged to it in order to become more sociable. Try things just to find out what you like. Trying and learning about different subjects, to take part in experiences like voluntaring, can come in handy as subjects in a conversation.

Start to go out more. Sometimes is ok to go out alone. I do it very often, even if I have friends. There's no shame in it. Walking, even alone, is a great way to know your hometown and the environment you're in.

And even if you can't interact in a group try to interact with a single individual first. First, you introduce yourself by telling him/her your name and asking their back (if you wish, I can teach you a couple of introduction lines better then "hi", through DM). And the key to have great conversations with people is simple: Now knowing what YOU like, find out about what THEY like during the conversation. Movies and tv shows reveal a lot about someone. Ask: "Have you seen any tv shows/movies recently?" "What was the last you saw?" "Did you like it?" "What's your favourite?" "Why is it your favourite?", then talk about yourself. 

Sometimes knowing what a person likes can be difficult, especially with shy people, but that's ok. Not every conversation can be great, some can go miserable and you need to have that in mind at the beginning of every conversation. If it doesn't work, don't despair. Try to learn what went wrong and try to correct those mistakes. And sometimes is not even your fault, is the person's that's just not willing to talk in that moment. To avoid those cases, disregard people who're reading books, looking into their cellphone or using headphones. 
Regarding subject, if the person likes football, and you like football as well, even better. If you don't like football, or don't know much about it, ask them to explain why they like football, the rules of the game in general, favourite players, things like that. Just an example. But always show empathy. Shake your head in approval. Think about all the good there is in this world (not much, but still...) and look happy. Small trick: In a conversation, adding the person's name in the end of most sentences you say can have an amazing effect in bringing the two close.

If you feel uncomfortable with your tone of voice, think about one or two persons with an amazing voice, like actors (I'm thinking Morgan Freeman or Sean Connery ahah). Try to impersonate his tone and then mix it with your own.

You may think some of the content in this reply is stupid, but it's the best I've got. Send DM if you need anything else. Hope it helps!!

 

[Cucuboth]

[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]It feels like the isolation is getting worse. 
[/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]Yes, I do go out and do things. Go to work. Go to gym. Go to bowling league. Go walking. I have done volunteering in the past, and done courses at university, TAFE, and at community college. 
[/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]I just don't meet people though. Don't make friends. Don't make connections. Don't have any chance for a relationship. It has always been like this, and seems to be getting worse. Even online it just feels like I don't fit in anywhere. Don't "click" with anyone. Most of the time it just feels like I am intruding on conversations, and, even if I'm not, it just seems like I am invisible. i always thought the internet was supposed to bring people closer together, make it easier to connect, that there was somewhere for everyone .... [/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif] [/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]But not for me, I guess. 
[/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]Therapy has never helped. Neither has medication. I feel like I just need help to find somewhere to belong. Help in actually meeting people. But there is nobody to ask. I think that is adding to the isolation and increasing frustration, knowing I need some help in these things, yet, having asked in the past, now knowing that there is nobody to ask ... and nobody who will. 
[/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]It adds to the thoughts, the feelings, of being really, truely, alone. 
[/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]And it is scary.[/font]

Greetings, friend!

If you want to find somewhere to belong, first you need to know what you like. Don't try things for feeling that you're obliged to it in order to become more sociable. Try things just to find out what you like. Trying and learning about different subjects, to take part in experiences like voluntaring, can come in handy as subjects in a conversation.

Start to go out more. Sometimes is ok to go out alone. I do it very often, even if I have friends. There's no shame in it. Walking, even alone, is a great way to know your hometown and the environment you're in.

And even if you can't interact in a group try to interact with a single individual first. First, you introduce yourself by telling him/her your name and asking their back (if you wish, I can teach you a couple of introduction lines better then "hi", through DM). And the key to have great conversations with people is simple: Now knowing what YOU like, find out about what THEY like during the conversation. Movies and tv shows reveal a lot about someone. Ask: "Have you seen any tv shows/movies recently?" "What was the last you saw?" "Did you like it?" "What's your favourite?" "Why is it your favourite?", then talk about yourself. 

Sometimes knowing what a person likes can be difficult, especially with shy people, but that's ok. Not every conversation can be great, some can go miserable and you need to have that in mind at the beginning of every conversation. If it doesn't work, don't despair. Try to learn what went wrong and try to correct those mistakes. And sometimes is not even your fault, is the person's that's just not willing to talk in that moment. To avoid those cases, disregard people who're reading books, looking into their cellphone or using headphones. 
Regarding subject, if the person likes football, and you like football as well, even better. If you don't like football, or don't know much about it, ask them to explain why they like football, the rules of the game in general, favourite players, things like that. Just an example. But always show empathy. Shake your head in approval. Think about all the good there is in this world (not much, but still...) and look happy. Small trick: In a conversation, adding the person's name in the end of most sentences you say can have an amazing effect in bringing the two close.

If you feel uncomfortable with your tone of voice, think about one or two persons with an amazing voice, like actors (I'm thinking Morgan Freeman or Sean Connery ahah). Try to impersonate his tone and then mix it with your own.

You may think some of the content in this reply is stupid, but it's the best I've got. Send DM if you need anything else. Hope it helps!!

Ummm. Kinda did say, in the second sentence of my original post, that I go walking, and have done volunteering. Have done classes and courses. They might be good things to talk about, but you actually have to find someone who is willing to talk with you first. 

Sometimes it seems like the record is stuck in a groove here. You explain that you have tried something, and then someone still goes and suggests it.

 

[nostalghia]

You keep shutting everyone down and dismisses what they have to say. Try to think if you do that in real life too, if you do then it's probably the reason.

 

[Sker01]

[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]It feels like the isolation is getting worse. 
[/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]Yes, I do go out and do things. Go to work. Go to gym. Go to bowling league. Go walking. I have done volunteering in the past, and done courses at university, TAFE, and at community college. 
[/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]I just don't meet people though. Don't make friends. Don't make connections. Don't have any chance for a relationship. It has always been like this, and seems to be getting worse. Even online it just feels like I don't fit in anywhere. Don't "click" with anyone. Most of the time it just feels like I am intruding on conversations, and, even if I'm not, it just seems like I am invisible. i always thought the internet was supposed to bring people closer together, make it easier to connect, that there was somewhere for everyone .... [/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif] [/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]But not for me, I guess. 
[/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]Therapy has never helped. Neither has medication. I feel like I just need help to find somewhere to belong. Help in actually meeting people. But there is nobody to ask. I think that is adding to the isolation and increasing frustration, knowing I need some help in these things, yet, having asked in the past, now knowing that there is nobody to ask ... and nobody who will. 
[/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]It adds to the thoughts, the feelings, of being really, truely, alone. 
[/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]And it is scary.[/font]

Greetings, friend!

If you want to find somewhere to belong, first you need to know what you like. Don't try things for feeling that you're obliged to it in order to become more sociable. Try things just to find out what you like. Trying and learning about different subjects, to take part in experiences like voluntaring, can come in handy as subjects in a conversation.

Start to go out more. Sometimes is ok to go out alone. I do it very often, even if I have friends. There's no shame in it. Walking, even alone, is a great way to know your hometown and the environment you're in.

And even if you can't interact in a group try to interact with a single individual first. First, you introduce yourself by telling him/her your name and asking their back (if you wish, I can teach you a couple of introduction lines better then "hi", through DM). And the key to have great conversations with people is simple: Now knowing what YOU like, find out about what THEY like during the conversation. Movies and tv shows reveal a lot about someone. Ask: "Have you seen any tv shows/movies recently?" "What was the last you saw?" "Did you like it?" "What's your favourite?" "Why is it your favourite?", then talk about yourself. 

Sometimes knowing what a person likes can be difficult, especially with shy people, but that's ok. Not every conversation can be great, some can go miserable and you need to have that in mind at the beginning of every conversation. If it doesn't work, don't despair. Try to learn what went wrong and try to correct those mistakes. And sometimes is not even your fault, is the person's that's just not willing to talk in that moment. To avoid those cases, disregard people who're reading books, looking into their cellphone or using headphones. 
Regarding subject, if the person likes football, and you like football as well, even better. If you don't like football, or don't know much about it, ask them to explain why they like football, the rules of the game in general, favourite players, things like that. Just an example. But always show empathy. Shake your head in approval. Think about all the good there is in this world (not much, but still...) and look happy. Small trick: In a conversation, adding the person's name in the end of most sentences you say can have an amazing effect in bringing the two close.

If you feel uncomfortable with your tone of voice, think about one or two persons with an amazing voice, like actors (I'm thinking Morgan Freeman or Sean Connery ahah). Try to impersonate his tone and then mix it with your own.

You may think some of the content in this reply is stupid, but it's the best I've got. Send DM if you need anything else. Hope it helps!!

Ummm. Kinda did say, in the second sentence of my original post, that I go walking, and have done volunteering. Have done classes and courses. They might be good things to talk about, but you actually have to find someone who is willing to talk with you first. 

Sometimes it seems like the record is stuck in a groove here. You explain that you have tried something, and then someone still goes and suggests it.

It is you that wants to make friends, so it is you that must take the initiative of starting those conversations. Believe me, there are lots of people willing to talk with strangers, even if most don't. Never seen that person on the bus just looking at the window? Or that guy just waiting in the rain?

Don't give up doing what you're already doing and try other things as well. Changing things it's hard. You're not going to succeed every time but you can succeed sometimes. And if you rush on things, you'll only take more time to achieve what you want.

 

[Cucuboth]

You keep shutting everyone down and dismisses what they have to say. Try to think if you do that in real life too, if you do then it's probably the reason.

Maybe because they suggest things I have already tried, repeatedly, or am already doing. Kind of obvious that these things aren’t working, which I often say, but they still get suggested. 

And I say it in real life if I have to, yeah. I’m not going to do something that doesn’t work for me, or that I can’t afford to do, just because someone says to.

 

[Alex Supertramp II]

I'm trying my best to shut everyone out of my world. It's a little difficult, though, because of the way my apartment building is set up. There's basically just the one entrance so you have no choice but to run into people when you go out and come in, check the mail, etc. Lately, I've restricted my out-apartment activities (checking the mail, taking out the garbage, paying the rent, etc) to the night so I can avoid everyone.

 

[mike1111]

[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]It feels like the isolation is getting worse. 
[/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]Yes, I do go out and do things. Go to work. Go to gym. Go to bowling league. Go walking. I have done volunteering in the past, and done courses at university, TAFE, and at community college. 
[/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]I just don't meet people though. Don't make friends. Don't make connections. Don't have any chance for a relationship. It has always been like this, and seems to be getting worse. Even online it just feels like I don't fit in anywhere. Don't "click" with anyone. Most of the time it just feels like I am intruding on conversations, and, even if I'm not, it just seems like I am invisible. i always thought the internet was supposed to bring people closer together, make it easier to connect, that there was somewhere for everyone .... [/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif] [/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]But not for me, I guess. 
[/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]Therapy has never helped. Neither has medication. I feel like I just need help to find somewhere to belong. Help in actually meeting people. But there is nobody to ask. I think that is adding to the isolation and increasing frustration, knowing I need some help in these things, yet, having asked in the past, now knowing that there is nobody to ask ... and nobody who will. 
[/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]It adds to the thoughts, the feelings, of being really, truely, alone. 
[/font]
[font=ProximaNova-Regular, Arial, sans-serif]And it is scary.[/font]

I can definitely identify with some of the things you have said here. I have experienced the same things regarding making efforts but nothing ever coming of it. I also agree that feelings of isolation are scary.
Thinking on the positive side, the past does not have to be a predictor of the future. Every time we meet someone new it is a completely new situation regardless of what has happened before.  You and I probably just assume things won't work out and we might even be transmitting that to others and sub-consciously creating a barrier. I think it is important to not dwell on negative thoughts. It always makes us feel worse and it has no positive effect. The isolation we feel is entirely created within our own minds. Bear in mind that everyone is always separate from others even in company. The problem is that you want someone else to behave in a certain way towards you but it is impossible to force that. Borrowing on much repeated ancient wisdom I think the only thing for any of us to do is, don't give up, don't dwell on problems but count blessings, and focus on being cheerful to others.

 

[Neena21]

Hello Cucuboth

I read your post with interest. I wonder do you feel nervous when you have to meet people? Do you have difficulty with socialising?

The reason I ask is that you mention that no one wants to talk to you and that you don't make friends at the various groups you attend. It maybe that you have social anxiety.

I have it and have always found it hard to make and keep friends.

If you don't then keep going to groups and be open to meeting new people. I know that this is what you dont want to hear, but it is really the only way. Plus it gives you something to look forward to.

Hope things get better for you soon.