it drives me mad

[Haz]

I just wish there was some way I could express this easily

loneliness is such a consuming, powerful feeling. i'd like to think, with opportunity those who suffer from it would try to break down these walls separating us from one another and ease each others suffering a little.

seems to be a lot of prickly pear syndrome going on however.... and i've witnessed a kind of "lonely elitism" at times where people devalue the suffering of others cause they feel they are uglier, more emotionally distraught, virgins in despair, deserving of more attention than those who actually have social connections with people or a comfortable job cause these are things they desire so deeply and rationalise will fulfill them.

I'm very pessimistic about human nature. Yet, I still try and open my heart to people. A would be prophet once said something along the lines of if you don't have experience, just be cynical because 90% of the time you will end up right anyway. My youthful optimism about the future is but a sad glimmer of the past when I was a child who fantasised about having every job in the world, all I see now is a corrupt, poisonous body of conflicting agendas that make up the western governments and a bunch of scared people unaware of their own cognitive bias trying to make ends meet whilst dodging bullets and getting messed over daily by the upper 1%. Yeah, we've got it relatively good in this western democracy in a lot of ways. But there are a unique set of problems in this largely white population that is quite frankly, disgusting.

It would seem all we've got to look forward to is schadenfreude, the sardonic pleasure and comedy derived from the misfortunes of others. Yet still, I hold on to this notion that people are mostly good, and we aren't all out there to just fresia people over or at best, turn a blind eye to it whilst we get on with our own daily struggles. I open my heart.

I wish I had a girl to hold me, and be held. Maybe everything would feel alright, just for a little while.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

yeap..nothing like a sweet touch of a woman to make me feel alright...if only for a while.
The sex are like added bonus...but ultimately..i just love to cuddle in bed with my woman
or have her presence in my life.

 

[Ak5]

People really aren't as bad as we think they are. With each passing day as I rot away in my house I think about the opportunities I had to make friends, and I simply wasted them. I loathed everyone who were happy, but now I don't. I grew up mostly alone (only child), the only friends I had were the one's that I "didn't work for" i.e. friends of the family. Hence, with the start of puberty things changed, a lot. Since I didn't make friends (because I didn't go out and get them) I loathed everyone and absolutely everyone. No matter whom, you smile or talk, I hated you. But now I realize I could have been one of them, quite easily in fact if I only ever spoke and approached them.

Most people are good, we just have to find them.

And yes so do I want that.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

This will come back to the idea that we are masters of our own reality. If you believe people are out there to fresia you over then those people will find you. Those people who are genuinely good will be pushed away by your paranoia.

I agree though it would be nice to have a lady to cuddle with, especially naked cuddles

 

[Haz]

yeap..nothing like a sweet touch of a woman to make me feel alright...if only for a while.
The sex are like added bonus...but ultimately..i just love to cuddle in bed with my woman
or have her presence in my life.

Yeah. I haven't been completely deprived of this, but I would like to meet my ideal partner soon enough. I guess i'm just impatient I'm hung up on this idea that i've gotta be successful and have something substantial behind me before I reach out and meet someone. I'm lacking the support I could use at times, however.

People really aren't as bad as we think they are. With each passing day as I rot away in my house I think about the opportunities I had to make friends, and I simply wasted them. I loathed everyone who were happy, but now I don't. I grew up mostly alone (only child), the only friends I had were the one's that I "didn't work for" i.e. friends of the family. Hence, with the start of puberty things changed, a lot. Since I didn't make friends (because I didn't go out and get them) I loathed everyone and absolutely everyone. No matter whom, you smile or talk, I hated you. But now I realize I could have been one of them, quite easily in fact if I only ever spoke and approached them.

Most people are good, we just have to find them.

And yes so do I want that.

My problem is not that I cannot approach people, or that I even think people are generally bad at heart. I feel apart from a number of truly bad eggs most people generally have the same desires (love, security, a house to live etc.), but there is something fundamentally flawed about our interactions with one another due to cognitive dissonance, that means that no matter what we do we are going to run into conflict and see the ugly sides of each other over the good.

I have made and kept plenty of friends over time, but deep down i've never made the connections i've desired with anyone outside of an online relationship. I have come close, but something always holds the other person back and makes them hesitate getting to know me more deeply. Maybe sometimes i'm too open? I seem to scare people off, it's like there are walls between me and others that cannot be broken down.

This will come back to the idea that we are masters of our own reality. If you believe people are out there to fresia you over then those people will find you. Those people who are genuinely good will be pushed away by your paranoia.

I agree though it would be nice to have a lady to cuddle with, especially naked cuddles

I once strongly believed that if we make our goals and use the right information to obtain them, we can achieve anything.

However, i've put my trust in people far too much and attaining my goals has suffered a lot because of it. I've been messed over and abused a lot in my life, particularly recently, but perhaps it is karma for my all my mortal sins. Hell, i'm not perfect. Maybe suffering for a while will be good for my ego.

It has also become evident to me that certain people are suited only to particular roles in society, and if they end up under pressure to survive where they don't belong all hell breaks loose. In ancient times certain warrior types may have become barbarians and gladiators, nowadays they don't fit in any relatively civilized hole and just become criminals and outcasts. Never mind the practical dreamers like myself, stuck somewhere between being down to earth and a space cadet. Where the hell do we fit in?