Its 3:20 am...

[lonelytom]

...im sat in bed being kept up by my housemates. In one hour i'm supposed to be up and on my way back home on the train. They all know this, i've been down to ask them to keep it down but got taken the piss out of and now its just louder.

They may be drunk, but being inconsiderate is in their nature. Im 20 years old and I feel like im ******* 40. I've always felt like i dont belong with my peers, why oh why couldnt I of just got a place on my own??

Ive suspended my studies at uni due to 'illness' - a mental breakdown - im off to do something I really enjoy and one of the few things which make me feel happy, get tattooed. And yet again the day i look forward to most in the month is ruined after one hour of sleep.

I just dont feel like anyone understands me, barring my mum. People know about my illness but still continue to push me. It might sound like nothing but these small things will one day push me over the edge and finally just top myself.

I really feel like i can't take this anymore, I wish someone would just lock me in a padded room on my own. I feel so weak, stupid and just like a complete loser. I just can't take any of this honeysuckle anymore.

Sometimes i just wish I had the guts to get it over with, maybe then everyone would ******* realise. But i doubt it.

I wish someone was here with me just to tell me that everything is going to be ok, god i need a hug (and a red bull).

 

[EveWasFramed]

...im sat in bed being kept up by my housemates. In one hour i'm supposed to be up and on my way back home on the train. They all know this, i've been down to ask them to keep it down but got taken the piss out of and now its just louder.

They may be drunk, but being inconsiderate is in their nature. Im 20 years old and I feel like im ******* 40. I've always felt like i dont belong with my peers, why oh why couldnt I of just got a place on my own??

Ive suspended my studies at uni due to 'illness' - a mental breakdown - im off to do something I really enjoy and one of the few things which make me feel happy, get tattooed. And yet again the day i look forward to most in the month is ruined after one hour of sleep.

I just dont feel like anyone understands me, barring my mum. People know about my illness but still continue to push me. It might sound like nothing but these small things will one day push me over the edge and finally just top myself.

I really feel like i can't take this anymore, I wish someone would just lock me in a padded room on my own. I feel so weak, stupid and just like a complete loser. I just can't take any of this honeysuckle anymore.

Sometimes i just wish I had the guts to get it over with, maybe then everyone would ******* realise. But i doubt it.

I wish someone was here with me just to tell me that everything is going to be ok, god i need a hug (and a red bull).

Tom, hello there.
I'm so sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. *hug*
As for your housemates, you say it's their nature to be rude and inconsiderate, so I don't see how you talking to them is going to change anything, and apparently has made the situation even worse. Likely, it's best to try to just ingore them, until you can change your living situation. Some people will just never learn to be considerate of others.
I'm also sorry that you had to suspend your studies. I'm sure that you know how important a good education is, so hopefully you will get back on track soon.
It sounds like you take life and responsibility a bit more serious than your peers. I know what it's like to feel older than your years. That isn't really a bad thing, Tom, and will serve you well in the coming years. lol, I am 40 and don't regret always being relatively responsible, even at a young age. Try not to focus on what they did and the fact that it caused your discomfort, and try to instead focus on the enjoyment that you will find in getting a new tattoo! Have you decided on what you will get??
"I just dont feel like anyone understands me, barring my mum. People know about my illness but still continue to push me. It might sound like nothing but these small things will one day push me over the edge and finally just top myself."
I'm so glad that at least you feel that your mother understand you. It's important to have some sort of support in your situation. As for the folks who continue to push you, even though they know that you are having problems, sometimes Tom, people are so wrapped up in themselves, that they don't realize what others are going through. Of course, as I'm sure you know, some people just really don't care! They are self-centered and incapable of empathy. Those people will always exist, and I think it's better to just ignore them, or better yet, avoid them all together. You have to do what's best for YOU. Everyone, at some point in their lives, has gone through something that has challenged them, mentally or emotionally. The best anyone can do, is to try and overcome the situation and handle it the best way they can. Please try not to let others push you into doing something destructive. Surely you can find some things in life that are worth pursuing. If your mother understands you, then try to look for her for some suport when you need it. Perhaps you have a minister/clergy person you can talk to? Would talking with a psychologist help at all?
And another thing Tom...small things add up! Don't discount what you're feeling and think of yourself as weak, stupid, or a loser!
Doing something self-destrucive won't effect the people who have continued to push you, or ignore your feelings. However, it will definitely have a severe impact on the ones who truly care about you, like your mother. Please consider this when these types of thoughts go through your mind.
"Sometimes i just wish I had the guts to get it over with, maybe then everyone would ******* realise. But i doubt it."
Your life is worth infinitely more than just making a few ******** realize that they were being ********!! Never doubt that.
As for hugs and Red Bull, I'm afraid that being in a different country will prohibit me from giving you either. *sigh*
Do e-hugs count?? If so....

((((((((((Tom))))))))))

There are plenty of people here on the forum who will be happy to talk with you Tom, if you should need an ear to listen. Or several ears, for that matter. And also, please forgive me for rambling on. Sleep deprivation will do that you know. Take care, dear.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Sleep deprivations sucks ass...freaken drunks are inconsiderate
pricks al right. My ex-gf use to freaken pick fights with me
when she was drunk and speeding out of her god **** mind.
And she forgets about all that honeysuckle the next day....

In the mean time, i had to drag my ass into work the next day
with one eye open. I'll mistakes and my job performace sucked
ass. Then my boss will get on my ass.
I was suffering the **** consequences and wasn't even catching a buzz myself...wtf ???

Call the cops on the sons of bitches.
fresia that honeysuckle...look out for #1
Obviously they don't give a rats about your well being.
Who gives a fresia what they think about you.
Don't hang your value or your selfworth on what they think....they don't care about you.
If they did...it wouldn't had come to this.

One time..some dude did that crap....He was all stupid
drunk at 2am blasting his stereo...
I knock on his door to ask him to trun the music down.
He got cocky and violent when me too. Started throwing
pucnhes like a dumb ass drunk...Will, I beat his sorry ass.

Then he went inside to beat up his wife. Then his wife called
the cops....lmao

Call the cops...dude. That's what it say on the side of thier car.
To protect and preserve PEACE...They have hand cuffs and weapons....lmao


For me I couldn't never get over it on my own...that's why I reached out and ask for help.
I don't have to do this alone. Strength in numbers....common sense.
yeah..living around freaken wack jobs drove me insane.
I prefer to suround myself with positive happy loving people today.
They care about themselves and are considerate of others.
They care about me and are willing to help me.
I get stronger and stronger each day being around these types of people.

Have you ever worked on a machanical object or your car....sometimes it's nice to have an extra helping hand.
Makes life alot eaier dosn't it ? Why do you think there's a crew for anytype of work.
No one do anything alone in this world. Life is not a cake walk.

 

[Minus]

Welcome lonelytom. I hope you were able to get some sleep on the train. Lonesome Crow was right "sleep deprivations sucks ass".

 

[Bluey]

I can't say much that EveWasFramed and Lonesome Crow haven't already said. But I would not take it personal what your so called friends was doing. when your that age ppl can be selfish. And I know for a fact that drunk ppl can be very selfish.

when you have had health problems at a young age like you are it makes you grow up and fast. your mates are still babies and are unable to understand what problems you are having. Other wise I think they might had been a bit moor thoughtful towards you.

Welcome to the site lonelytom

 

[evanescencefan91]

*hugs lonelytom*

I'm sorry man, i can't stand loud people sometimes i fantasive beating them repetedly over over again on the head with a textbook or a dictionary or just something to cause them pain and discomfort and so they'll finally shut up

people suck, but that is defiantly not advice

i know what you mean though it seems we just never have time to breathe there's always something going wrong.
sometimes though we just have to find a way around, and just really hope we don't get killed or worse, expelled.

lol anyone remember what thats from, XP

anyways i hope things turn out alright *hugs*

 

[lonelytom]

its been a while, but thanks to everyone who replied.