imlikeasilhouette
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- Joined
- Mar 2, 2010
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I'm new here so here goes nothing.
I think the cause of my low self esteem is my very own father, I grew up always always being called idiotic, moronic, stupid, dumbfuck, brainless, useless and other words synonymous to what I have just said but using a different language, it seems like i really cannot afford to make a mistake whenever he's around. Don't get me wrong He was a father to me and my brother, he's the ideal father but this is one of his bad sides that I couldnt take(he knows that he is tactless, but he hasnt changed).
I grew up and reached high school still thinking and believing the same thing. It has already sinked in my mind that those things he has called me ever since I was a kid. I always think that I'm a worthless piece of crap, a failure, a loser, stupid and so on.
I would love to blame my dad in all this, but I realized that It was a choice I made, I chose to believe what he said and never learned to trust what I'm capable of doing and stuff.
I'm don't like the way I look and that I am only an average person with an average brain with an average life, I always end up comparing my self to other people and hate it when people have to be so "blessed" with so many things. I hate smart people for being smart and some times get pissed when they dont have to make an effort to pass the exams or smething Unlike people who strive hard to get a good grades yet still fail. I hate surrounding my self with people whom i think is close to perfection 'cause it makes me feel so small,insignificant,ugly,stupid.
and right now i felt the need to disconnect my self from everyone else in the rl.
oh well.
I think the cause of my low self esteem is my very own father, I grew up always always being called idiotic, moronic, stupid, dumbfuck, brainless, useless and other words synonymous to what I have just said but using a different language, it seems like i really cannot afford to make a mistake whenever he's around. Don't get me wrong He was a father to me and my brother, he's the ideal father but this is one of his bad sides that I couldnt take(he knows that he is tactless, but he hasnt changed).
I grew up and reached high school still thinking and believing the same thing. It has already sinked in my mind that those things he has called me ever since I was a kid. I always think that I'm a worthless piece of crap, a failure, a loser, stupid and so on.
I would love to blame my dad in all this, but I realized that It was a choice I made, I chose to believe what he said and never learned to trust what I'm capable of doing and stuff.
I'm don't like the way I look and that I am only an average person with an average brain with an average life, I always end up comparing my self to other people and hate it when people have to be so "blessed" with so many things. I hate smart people for being smart and some times get pissed when they dont have to make an effort to pass the exams or smething Unlike people who strive hard to get a good grades yet still fail. I hate surrounding my self with people whom i think is close to perfection 'cause it makes me feel so small,insignificant,ugly,stupid.
and right now i felt the need to disconnect my self from everyone else in the rl.
oh well.