It's hard making new friends

[engineer]

I recently moved to london and hooked up with some people i've known for several years from the internet.

Last few months have been pretty decent, lots of going to the pub/dining out and what not with them.

A couple months back I booked some tickets for a big movie at the cinema and they all said they would go, as it was one of their birthdays and thought we'd make a good night of it. Not cheap tickets either!

Then they started giving me several warning signals that just felt like they were indecisive about what we'd do before and after the movie. Then a couple weeks ago the birthday boy himself sort of hinted that for his last year birthday they did something far bigger and better than just going to see a movie.

So anyway, woke up this morning with a text from one of them saying sorry we aren't coming and that "something else they had been planning had worked out in the end". Then I discover they've all jetted off to a sunnier climate on a 14 hr flight!

I mean wtf? I was so gutted. They've been hiding this from me for weeks, even months. They all had the time booked off work for some time, clearly. None of them thought to tell me except on the morning of the day in question. And what makes it worse is I was just saying the other day how I'd love to go to this place that they are going.

So I'm over a 100 quid out of pocket on a bunch of wasted tickets and feel like I've just been screwed over royally by people that I thought I was getting on well with.

This keeps happening to me in my life. It sucks. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. The last time it happened was at university. I had a group of about 4 friends and after the first year they all decided to group together and rent a house for the second year. And they literally cut me out entirely of all the discussions/negotiations until it was waaaay too late to express an interest!

I start my new job in london in a few weeks and I can't bloody wait either. Maybe i'll make some proper friends there???

Don't know why I'm posting this, it's more of a vent than anything

 

[DVEUS]

welcome and WOW...that's just horrible...keep your chin up and good luck with your new job...

 

[whisper543]

That was a mean situation 2 put you in, engineer....... they don't deserve a friend like you!!

Let them be a thoughtless & selfish group that they are and hopefully u will meet some new ppl who apprieciate you xx

 

[LoneKiller]

I'm truly sorry to hear this. You aren't doing anything wrong. True friends wouldn't do that to you. Don't blame yourself. What they did to you was appalling.

 

[Stranger]

What a bunch of shallow and thoughtless people. I agree with the other posters - they don't deserve you as their friend! The least they could do was to let you know right away about their plans, so you could get a refund on the tickets. Good luck with your new job - you will do so great and build a new life for yourself!

 

[Tiina63]

The way they treated you was disgusting. Sometimes I can't understand people at all. Those so called friends you had at university were just as bad. I hope that you find new friends soon, ones that will value you and treat you with the respect you deserve.

 

[floffyschneeman]

I agree with the others. those kind of people don't deserve real friendship and kindness. Good luck with your new job and I hope you will find better friends. You are a good friend and a good person, that's what's important. They don't deserve you.

 

[Okiedokes]

I agree with above posters.. those weren't true friends but YOU were to them. Some people don't seem to feel the same way as you might but they shouldn't have led you on like that or dragged it out so much that you lost money. I wouldn't even bother with those people again if I were you. There's no excuse. There are people you can call your friend out there, and hopefully where you will work.

 

[LoneKiller]

Acceptance is important to everyone in some degree. Anyone that says they don't care are full of honeysuckle an down a quart. There are poor souls out there who kill themselves due to lack of acceptance. Jerk-offs like these and what they did to you, are part of the problem. I'm not trying to sound like some tough guy, but people like that I wouldn't think twice about kicking them right in the face for being such cruel and insensitive pricks.

I like to think of myself as a decent guy, but I have zero patience for people like that. These days, true friends are a dying breed, and that is just sad.

 

[Stars]

They're a bunch of ********.

I suggest you tell them off or walk away and stay distant because it's obvious that they don't give a flying f about your company or friendship.

********.

I would totally see that movie with you if I could.

That's just awful.

 

[2fresh4youx]

Wow. That is cruel. How did you handle this engineer? Did you reply back?

This sounds like a bunch of downright, immature set of individuals with no set of morals or values. Definitely a bunch of people you don't want to hang out with. It might be hard, but I'd avoid them all entirely. These sorts of people hang about in clans. That makes if alot worse. The only thing worse than a shallow person is a group of shallow people. If like they are all infected with the same, infectious disease and are viciously attracted towards one another.

Making friends is hard I know - I have a lot of experience with that phrase. People might seem very happy and nice on the surface, but it only takes actions like this to make a decision whether or not they are REAL friends to you. I think you know the answer with this one.

 

[engineer]

Not really resolved it. They're all back now and it's kinda been brushed under the carpet it seems! They're sticking to the story that it was all organised at the very last minute literally 6 hrs before they jetted off.

Doesn't bother me anymore, I've moved on. Was just annoying on that Saturday when I felt like a foreveralone.gif meme.

I've kind of realised now that I'm not yet in their inner circle of friendship. Probably was kidding myself a bit that in just 3 months they would involve me in all their activities. So I have a choice now of either working harder on it, or just leaving it and forever staying as a peripheral type friend to them.

1 week to go until my new job! Can't wait!

 

[Oldyoung]

I don't think I've been a situation just like that, but I can easily imagine it happening.

I guess for some reason, they just didn't want you to come with them. That doesn't mean they dislike you though. I like my parents, but I wouldn't want to include them in everything. And it's the same for me and classmates/collegues. I can hang out with them, but I know if I called to arrange something they wouldn't like it.

I agree that it was mean of your 'friends', but it's a tricky situation for them as well. Which one of them should tell you they don't want you to come with? And probably they woudn't really have a good reason to leave you out either. My guess is that it was a preference on their part.

Okay. Just playing the devils advocate here a bit. But keep looking, and try to find friends where you reach that innermost 'circle' so to speak. It's a bit tiresome when you're not fully included.

 

[2fresh4youx]

I feel as if I'll never, ever be included in a circle of friends. I'm 21, school is over. What bloody hope do I have?

 

[Dax6079]

Hi, just joined today.... Wanted to put my two penneth worth in.

I have a very small group of friends, every week or so we go out to shoot some pool or just to get a drink. Sometimes if one of us is low on money or just feeling down, two particular guys will not invite them or let them know when something is happening.

Example, I was unemployed for a while and they didn't invite me out for drinks or to the movies, when I questioned this I got the response "we didn't want you to feel bad about having no money".

I know it sounds like they don't want any freeloaders, but very often when we are out, we won't have more than two rounds of drinks and 2 or 3 of us will end up spending nothing at all anyway.

There is a genuine, but very misguided impression that not inviting is somehow saving that person from feeling bad, or from feeling like the freeloader in the group.

Things are not always as they first seem....

 

[angel_in_view]

Not really resolved it. They're all back now and it's kinda been brushed under the carpet it seems! They're sticking to the story that it was all organised at the very last minute literally 6 hrs before they jetted off.

- I just came across this particular thread & wanted to respond. Reading your story just burned me up...ESPECIALLY the part where you stated now that they're back, its like nothing is wrong, its just a regular 'ol day. R U Kiddin'? Like you REALLY weren't gonna be hurt by what they did! Not only was the $/tickets part of it lowdown, but the fact that they pretty much knew they didn't want to go was just as bad. I tell ya, people never cease to amaze me.

I am so sorry this happened to you bc I've been there before & I know how that feels. In college, I had a friend who had made plans w/me to have a "girls day out." Well, we would always touch base a day before to finalize any plans. I talked w/her that morning & she said her parents were coming to campus for a little bit the next day to bring her some stuff, but she'd be ready later that afternoon as planned. Well, "later that afternoon" came & went. No phone call/nothing all weekend. I found out Monday morning(on my way to class) that she'd attended a baby shower for some girl she barely knew. I happened to hear some girls in my class(who were also @ the shower) talking about her being there. Turns out, the girl who had the shower was the sister of a guy she was trying to push up on. I stopped off @ her dorm after class & she INSTANTLY had the guilty/deer in the headlights look. She couldn't hide it AT ALL. I played it off(bc I don't make it a habit of making a scene in public) and after she said she had a few min., I blasted her in her room. Her excuses were SO FLIMSY. I was blown away & told her I couldn't believe she didn't think enough of our friendship to just tell me what was going on and that if it were THAT important to be @ that shower to "gain points" with that girl, we could've rescheduled. After all, we could've gone the next day. I felt that I thought WAY more about the friendship than she did. We remained cordial for the rest of that school year, but then things just fizzled out. I just couldn't get over that bc I thought, "if she would be dishonest about something like that, what else would she be dishonest about?" It just wasn't worth it. I haven't seen that girl in 10+ yrs. and frankly, I don't even miss her.

Again, I'm so sorry that happened to you, but you have to slowly try to mend yourself and get over it. I am dealing w/current "friends" who don't seem to want to "give any effort" to the friendship, so I know its hard. It just really sucks when you're not the one who changes. Keep us posted and good luck w/your job.

 

[Gutted]

Sorry to hear about that. You were so me eh? Lol. But seriously, I used to have friends like that. They'd always plan stuff without me. So I planned a life without them. Been fine ever since. I live in London by the way. Maybe I'll see you around