DiscoSpider
Well-known member
The title of this thread should come to no one's surprise. This might be a long story...
Okay so, I'm -very- paranoid and overly cautious about all of this. I kind of don't want to post about this but I'm going to because... I guess I want to know what other people may think, other people who are outside of this situation.
I'm hoping that out of paranoia... I may be able to get this thread of mine deleted if I get too paranoid about it, but hopefully I won't have to. However, I am absolutely certain all of you could understand my caution and paranoia.
So. My best friend is a girl. We've been friends for about three years now. When I first met her, I had a bit of a crush on her but then I got over it pretty quick and we were just close friends with no feeling of that manner.
About a year or so later, there was an absolute tragedy in my life where I had lost two people very close to me, at the same time. It was probably the worst time of my life. One person was family, so my entire family was going under the same stress, while the other person was one of my closest friends, so a few of my friends and I were going through a similar stress, but I was being hit with both.
My friend (the one I speak of) was always there to comfort me and was looking out for me, trying to help me through the whole thing. I guess, as time went by, I mistook this act of kindness as something else, which was a mistake. A few months passed, and with the suggestion of a close friend of hers, I asked out my friend. She was shocked, said she didn't feel that way about me... and then things got awkward. She intentionally avoided me and didn't want to speak to me. Eventually she came forward and we talked and re-established our friendship, but it was a rocky road. At the same time... I felt quite angry, not because of the rejection, but because she said beforehand (when she originally rejected me) this wouldn't change anything. Then she ignored/avoided me. To me, it felt like a lie. I gave my honest feelings and in return, received that. I shouldn't have been too angry, I can't blame her. It seems like a natural, instinctive reaction.
Fast forward six months later, our friendship was back to normal, except unfortunately, I started to like her again. I didn't want to and I tried to fight it off, but I couldn't. It sucked. Eventually though, she got herself a boyfriend. While this actually upset me, I was also kind of relieved... and since then, I had developed friendships with other girls and actually started to date... to no success, ha ha (the dates wouldn't last more than a few times).
My friend's boyfriend is a nice guy... but they didn't date for long. He was here for six weeks before moving overseas. They continued their relationship long distance, but for the both of them it was hard. I was there for my friend, but I wasn't trying to move in on her boyfriend's territory or anything. She's my best friend, seeing her like that hurt me. Despite her boyfriend being overseas, I once again didn't have feelings for her, as I was attempting to chase another girl at the time.
With this other girl... it obviously didn't work out, but we're still close friends ("geographically challenged", we dubbed it). My friend's boyfriend returned from overseas, however was only going to stay for a few months before leaving again, for good. This actually really pissed me off and I felt it was really selfish of him... at the same time though, I shouldn't have been too angry, it was my friend's choice to try and be with him.
So he left... again, and my friend and I became even closer than normal. We've always done things like play fight or just be stupid with each other, but I started to notice things. I noticed she would touch me often, would compliment me often, etc. I couldn't tell if she was being flirty, or just trying to be nice and make me feel good about myself. I didn't act on it and but sometimes in return without thinking, would behave the same way.
Her boyfriend is back, once again... this time for good, I think. They were having problems at first but now they seem to be on track. At the same time though... the different behaviour I noticed from my friend... despite her boyfriend being back, she still behaves this way towards me and it's only gotten 'worse'. She even says and does these things (the touching, the compliments about my body etc) right in front of her boyfriend, to me. I will admit, it's very flattering, but at the same time again I can't tell if she is being flirty or just trying to be nice... either way, I feel it's very inappropriate to do, especially in front of her boyfriend.
Sometimes over IM chat, my friend would tell me things that feels like she is hinting things toward me. I hate reading too much into things and I try not to, as much as I try to avoid that sometimes I can't help it... one example is when a while ago she told me she sometimes thinks it would be "easier" if she and I were together because we're best friends but finds it difficult to see me in that way because we are best friends. She said this feeling came to her before she got her boyfriend, and during the time her boyfriend left as I was there to help her out. She also complains to me about her boyfriend, however for the past few weeks they have had no problems - which is good.
I found out recently that her boyfriend isn't very fond of me and doesn't trust me. I had no idea! BUT, that is absolutely fair enough - however I have done nothing wrong. I haven't done -anything-. I've just been me?
Another example is just... the touching. Sometimes it's pretty simple, like just a hand on the shoulder or knee - whatever, that's fine. Sometimes though, it's a little more intense... like rubbing of the shoulder, the thigh, or even my chest. This will sound rude of me and shallow but honestly, I'm a big guy into fitness, sometimes it feels like she's trying to cop a feel, or something... :/
Anyway... all this being said, all the things she does, it's started to make me develop feelings for her again. It started happening a few months ago when her boyfriend left for the second time. I don't want this to happen but I can't help it! To try and defeat this, I've tried to talk to other girls and I've even tried to jump into the world of online dating (for the past two months - with absolutely no success).
A close friend of mine believes I should confront my friend about this and try and talk to her... but I am very hesitant, I feel I would say or do something stupid and just mess it all up and make things bad.
So... what should I do? What do you all think?
Okay so, I'm -very- paranoid and overly cautious about all of this. I kind of don't want to post about this but I'm going to because... I guess I want to know what other people may think, other people who are outside of this situation.
I'm hoping that out of paranoia... I may be able to get this thread of mine deleted if I get too paranoid about it, but hopefully I won't have to. However, I am absolutely certain all of you could understand my caution and paranoia.
So. My best friend is a girl. We've been friends for about three years now. When I first met her, I had a bit of a crush on her but then I got over it pretty quick and we were just close friends with no feeling of that manner.
About a year or so later, there was an absolute tragedy in my life where I had lost two people very close to me, at the same time. It was probably the worst time of my life. One person was family, so my entire family was going under the same stress, while the other person was one of my closest friends, so a few of my friends and I were going through a similar stress, but I was being hit with both.
My friend (the one I speak of) was always there to comfort me and was looking out for me, trying to help me through the whole thing. I guess, as time went by, I mistook this act of kindness as something else, which was a mistake. A few months passed, and with the suggestion of a close friend of hers, I asked out my friend. She was shocked, said she didn't feel that way about me... and then things got awkward. She intentionally avoided me and didn't want to speak to me. Eventually she came forward and we talked and re-established our friendship, but it was a rocky road. At the same time... I felt quite angry, not because of the rejection, but because she said beforehand (when she originally rejected me) this wouldn't change anything. Then she ignored/avoided me. To me, it felt like a lie. I gave my honest feelings and in return, received that. I shouldn't have been too angry, I can't blame her. It seems like a natural, instinctive reaction.
Fast forward six months later, our friendship was back to normal, except unfortunately, I started to like her again. I didn't want to and I tried to fight it off, but I couldn't. It sucked. Eventually though, she got herself a boyfriend. While this actually upset me, I was also kind of relieved... and since then, I had developed friendships with other girls and actually started to date... to no success, ha ha (the dates wouldn't last more than a few times).
My friend's boyfriend is a nice guy... but they didn't date for long. He was here for six weeks before moving overseas. They continued their relationship long distance, but for the both of them it was hard. I was there for my friend, but I wasn't trying to move in on her boyfriend's territory or anything. She's my best friend, seeing her like that hurt me. Despite her boyfriend being overseas, I once again didn't have feelings for her, as I was attempting to chase another girl at the time.
With this other girl... it obviously didn't work out, but we're still close friends ("geographically challenged", we dubbed it). My friend's boyfriend returned from overseas, however was only going to stay for a few months before leaving again, for good. This actually really pissed me off and I felt it was really selfish of him... at the same time though, I shouldn't have been too angry, it was my friend's choice to try and be with him.
So he left... again, and my friend and I became even closer than normal. We've always done things like play fight or just be stupid with each other, but I started to notice things. I noticed she would touch me often, would compliment me often, etc. I couldn't tell if she was being flirty, or just trying to be nice and make me feel good about myself. I didn't act on it and but sometimes in return without thinking, would behave the same way.
Her boyfriend is back, once again... this time for good, I think. They were having problems at first but now they seem to be on track. At the same time though... the different behaviour I noticed from my friend... despite her boyfriend being back, she still behaves this way towards me and it's only gotten 'worse'. She even says and does these things (the touching, the compliments about my body etc) right in front of her boyfriend, to me. I will admit, it's very flattering, but at the same time again I can't tell if she is being flirty or just trying to be nice... either way, I feel it's very inappropriate to do, especially in front of her boyfriend.
Sometimes over IM chat, my friend would tell me things that feels like she is hinting things toward me. I hate reading too much into things and I try not to, as much as I try to avoid that sometimes I can't help it... one example is when a while ago she told me she sometimes thinks it would be "easier" if she and I were together because we're best friends but finds it difficult to see me in that way because we are best friends. She said this feeling came to her before she got her boyfriend, and during the time her boyfriend left as I was there to help her out. She also complains to me about her boyfriend, however for the past few weeks they have had no problems - which is good.
I found out recently that her boyfriend isn't very fond of me and doesn't trust me. I had no idea! BUT, that is absolutely fair enough - however I have done nothing wrong. I haven't done -anything-. I've just been me?
Another example is just... the touching. Sometimes it's pretty simple, like just a hand on the shoulder or knee - whatever, that's fine. Sometimes though, it's a little more intense... like rubbing of the shoulder, the thigh, or even my chest. This will sound rude of me and shallow but honestly, I'm a big guy into fitness, sometimes it feels like she's trying to cop a feel, or something... :/
Anyway... all this being said, all the things she does, it's started to make me develop feelings for her again. It started happening a few months ago when her boyfriend left for the second time. I don't want this to happen but I can't help it! To try and defeat this, I've tried to talk to other girls and I've even tried to jump into the world of online dating (for the past two months - with absolutely no success).
A close friend of mine believes I should confront my friend about this and try and talk to her... but I am very hesitant, I feel I would say or do something stupid and just mess it all up and make things bad.
So... what should I do? What do you all think?