Hi...I don't know where to begin, my story has no beginning and end seems nowhere near. I think I don't deserve to live... I'm 20 years old and for past few years all I can feel is emptiness. Every night happy memories start to appear in my head and I realize how I used to be carefree, how I loved some things, still didn't value some others and it makes me sad I could cry anytime. What am I talking about, not "could", actually I cry even tough I'm a man. Sometimes I look at mysekf in mirror and say to myself "What are you doing to yourself?!", but I can't get an answer. I feel like all there is is a darkness in my heart, empty space in my head, no realizable visions of my future. I hate myself the way I am now and I want to change. But it's hard, especially when everything around you demotivates you, when you don't see progress and get demotivated again. It's hard to do things alone...I've lost all my friends I've ever had. They grew bored of me, they don't want me around...I guess. Now I don't really have a life, I spend most of my time on computer, eat and sleep. It's sad but that's it. Occasionally I see my remaining friend(s), like once in a week but I don't feel the bond strong as before. I feel bad physichaly too, my body is in a bad condition. I feel weak all the time and look very bad...I really have to change. There are these complexes too...too many of them to write. I know it's all my fault...but again when I think about it there is more to it than just me. I tend to blame my parents for my situation...if I can call them parents. As longs as I rememeber they were fightning and I remember the times when I cried because of their quarrels. And know I realize that I really don't feel related to them, my way of thinking is much more different than theirs. They have never supported me in anything, I was always "different". Since elementary school I wasn't allowed to the things the other kids did. My father called me few times a freak. I can't name a single thing that I've learned from my parents. But still, I think they love me...in their own way...I can't blame them. Again it comes down to me, I know it's my fault and that I should take control over myselft...but I can't...there are too many restrictions. I use to think "money isn't everything", but the life everyday keeps showing me otherwise. I don't even have money for basic needs...I'm too dependat on others. I need a money for a simplest things, for a things I love I need money and I don't have it. There is a million things Id like to do, to try but I can't...you need money. I grew bored of everything, I don't see hope in anything anymore...The things that used to be fun are just boring...I've been too long in one place...I'm tired of this people and my town...I want to see new places, meet new people, experience a lot of things, feel love and hate, feel normal emotions not this black hole. And after all, despite everyting, I'm happy. I know, it's strange but I'm grateful for my life, for all the things I've experienced so far, for all the things I've seen, for all the people I've met, all the music I heard, it's really precious to me no matter how bad my situation is. I don't want to forget, but time keeps erasing my memories, everyday it's harder to remember good things, good people, it takes longer to do so, it's cruel. But I believe that I can change, I'll try...and maybe one day I'll be able to say "that's it". I'm sorry...
I've lost my way...
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Vinan
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You have not lost your way you are on the right track. You are very strong you already realise and have the want to go forward thats a very good thing. Focus on your true desire in life and go forward on it. Do not stop till you achieve for its your life to live and your choice to make. Do not worry about the past what matters now is your future. Don't give up I trust you can go far.
This is your chance to change everything. To make all things better you have the strength just take the step forward. The more things changed in postive the more comfortable life becomes. Start somewhere and do not stop. Don't focus on anything negative focus on all things postive.
This is your chance to change everything. To make all things better you have the strength just take the step forward. The more things changed in postive the more comfortable life becomes. Start somewhere and do not stop. Don't focus on anything negative focus on all things postive.
JayW
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It was interesting to read your post.
On the one hand you seem to appear sad and lost but on ther other, you seem to know how to appreciate life. I think you are in a far better state of mind than others.
If you think your parents treated you bad, please think again. I know of a person who was physically beaten by her parents to the extent the person ended up in a wheel chair. Thankfully the person did not give up. She literally found the courage within to move on. She has also read some of the books which I have read. Those books reveal that we actually chose our parents, relatives, etc. before we were born. It has everything to do with learning as a soul. The lady that I have mentioned not only recovered but she is now working as a life coach!
Challenges in life are our greatest teachers. Indeed, what have we learnt when times were good? Trust me, I have had my share of problems and theses lasted for many years! Only at hindsight do we understand how the Divine works. When we overcome challenges , it makes us stronger. Truly life is about self-mastery.
If you are open minded, you may want to read a free e-book called Passion For Truths. It talks about who we are and why we are here. Just google the title, in you are interested.
I wish you the very best in life. Take care.
On the one hand you seem to appear sad and lost but on ther other, you seem to know how to appreciate life. I think you are in a far better state of mind than others.
If you think your parents treated you bad, please think again. I know of a person who was physically beaten by her parents to the extent the person ended up in a wheel chair. Thankfully the person did not give up. She literally found the courage within to move on. She has also read some of the books which I have read. Those books reveal that we actually chose our parents, relatives, etc. before we were born. It has everything to do with learning as a soul. The lady that I have mentioned not only recovered but she is now working as a life coach!
Challenges in life are our greatest teachers. Indeed, what have we learnt when times were good? Trust me, I have had my share of problems and theses lasted for many years! Only at hindsight do we understand how the Divine works. When we overcome challenges , it makes us stronger. Truly life is about self-mastery.
If you are open minded, you may want to read a free e-book called Passion For Truths. It talks about who we are and why we are here. Just google the title, in you are interested.
I wish you the very best in life. Take care.
IgnoredOne
Well-known member
Money is important, though in the end, it is only the result of a combination of knowledge and luck. You can change your circumstance if you wish, but be aware that for everything gained, something is also lost.
I
indbaaz
Guest
It was interesting to read your post.
D
Drama
Guest
I think that you put your problems and at the same time found the right solutions for them. If you believe in yourself, you can do the things you need to do to feel better. All I can say is good luck, and dont lose hope. 
Thank you for your replies and motivational quotes. There is lot on my mind right now, I'm constantly thinking about some things, it hurts but I'm moving on. I'll work hard to reclaim my life. I'am wondering is it possible to change people? I know...I haven't changed myself yet but I was just wondering. I feel like my words aren't reaching anyone, but then again I am that way too.
IgnoredOne
Well-known member
Yes, you are who you choose to be more than you think. Its not immediate. What's your plan, goal and objective?
I would focus first on your health, as you mentioned that was an issue. You do want your body and mind to be in the best condition possible before you engage in anything; otherwise it'll be like trying to do a job without the best tools.
And don't become focused so much by thinking that you fall into the pattern of 'analysis-paralysis'; come up with a simple plan and begin to enact it, taking notes so that you can check on the progress of your plan. Measure your progress daily, be sure to keep it in writing; edit what doesn't work, keep what works, celebrate daily progress.
I would focus first on your health, as you mentioned that was an issue. You do want your body and mind to be in the best condition possible before you engage in anything; otherwise it'll be like trying to do a job without the best tools.
And don't become focused so much by thinking that you fall into the pattern of 'analysis-paralysis'; come up with a simple plan and begin to enact it, taking notes so that you can check on the progress of your plan. Measure your progress daily, be sure to keep it in writing; edit what doesn't work, keep what works, celebrate daily progress.
IgnoredOne said:
Yes, that's what I was thinking too, I'm in a phase of restoring my health, I've started eating more healthy food and I've restricted my time spent on computer. I used to spend like 8+ hours on, now I don't spent more than 2-3 hours. I guess thats some progress too. On the other side right now I'm experiencing emotions that I don't know how to handle, it's connected to relationships but I'll save that for later...
