Just a little rant

[_thesentimentalguy_]

Hello lonelylifers

Soo, I have been stalking this site on and off for a couple of years now, reading threads here and there...I decided its time I posted my own little topic

As an individual, I ain't very sociable. I would always opt to spend time watching documentaries, rather than socialize with my peers. However, as I grew I began to feel like something was missing in me...I wanted a group to call my own. My own band of brothers.

I started to become more sociable, more outgoing. But I always found that it wasn't enough...my anxiety and fear of being judged kept holding me back. Twice in my life, I have lost connections to a few individuals I have held dearly. Twice, I have experienced the bitterness of regret. There was nothing I could do to save what little remained.

The remnants of a friendship...whose embers still flicker with wasted hope that one day, maybe just one day...they will again burn with a great flame.

Haha, I'm being soo dramatic about this but in its entirety, the pain I experienced felt so real...For a long time, I couldn't live with the reality that somehow, in someway, I could've done more to save those friendships. I keep telling myself that its all on me. It's all my fault. I failed.

Then again, I also wonder sometimes at night that maybe..just maybe..it couldn't be helped at all. That those friendships were never meant to be. I always tell myself..'what's yours is yours, and what isn't just isn't'. It just was never meant to be.

In some ways, my mind really is twisted. Sorry for the long rant ): but anyway, I'm curious...have you guys ever had any friendships which had so much rapport and emotion, only to have just faded away spontaneously?

 

[BadGuy]

best friend in grade school threw HS never spoke to me again because he got splashed with mud while riding one of my ATVs

I thought it was really childish seeing him melt down over it ... see ya who needs that

Friendship shouldnt be a struggle for anyone .... unfortunately life sometimes makes us busy or takes us in different directions

Lots of people out there/ here ... keep looking

 

[DDZ]

Yes and no. *Usually* it's been more a case of I felt more strongly about the friendship than the other party did...I've found many people have their own agendas for why they wish to be ones' "friend" so if the agenda changes or you don't meet the requirements for whatever reason they fade away. I don't really take it to heart for the most part...I have a handful of friends I've had since childhood (and I am past 50 now) so while I am in some ways quirky and difficult probably not completely unlikeable . Sometimes things just don't mesh.

Any relationship requires 2 people to keep going so you could not have single handedly saved anything

 

[Raingirl]

I had this best friend from childhood till teenage years...we were inseparable, I thought we were soulmates. Looking back, we really had some awesome fun times that I'll never forget, there was never a dull moment. We always used to say that we will be best friends forever and I truly believed that. You know, it was that kind of once in a lifetime friendship where the chemistry is just fantastic.
Then one day I left the state with my parents for a couple of months(we were suppose to move away), but I couldn't get used to the life there so I came back home. Everything changed. She had a new "best friend", she was hanging out with these people and acting all "rebellious" and "cool", acting completely unlike herself. We all go through that change I guess... she was just growing up and becoming a different person.

Our friendship ended and we basically became enemies, she spread so much lies and honeysuckle about me both in highschool and uni(yes, I had the bad luck of attending even the uni classes with her), turning people against me, of course, it was all behind my back and pretty subtle. She acted nice and never had the guts to confront me to my face cause she knew that I could cut a ***** and would never let anyone walk all over me.

When we were in uni, someone once asked her "Why do you hate her so much?" she just answered "I don't know, she's just so ugh, unsociable".
It's bad enough when you don't really have friends and suffer from social anxiety, but to have other people judge you for it and spread rumours about it hurts even more. Being in your early 20's and making fun of someone for not being "sociable" and having friends, who the fresia does that?

I think its unnerving how someone you trust so much can go from that ..to being a complete stranger. Then again that happens with lovers too. Still, I miss having that strong connection with someone.

Sorry for the long rant.

 

[lifestream]

I think friends come into our lives to teach us things. Or to remind us of things we've already learned.

raingirl, I really empathise with your post. There's something tragic in how someone can go from being like a part of you to being someone you avoid whenever possible. It doesn't really matter what you try to do to help the situation, either. Once that deep connection is gone, nothing can ever bring it back.

 

[constant stranger]

I had a friendship that went through an evolution kind of like those. It was 1970's in college, I thought he had "achieved" being a hippy, not just a wannabe like I was, yet he accepted me on some kind of social equality. I was thrilled.....we buddied around, did some acid trips, went to a few concerts.....Then he moved on. I became a non-person. I was crushed.

The operative mechanism was neediness on my part: the friendship was way more important to me than it was to him.

Afterwards? Besides feeling humiliated and markedly less trusting of other people, I discovered myself being much more introspective. I considered what any relationship meant to me and gauged what I thought it meant to the other person, then invested an appropriate level of emotional value to that relationship. Like I said, less trusting......of myself as well as other people.

 

[Katerina]

I've let friendships in the past just drift away. A lot of it was due to my depression at the time and thinking they'd be better off without me as a friend and other general low self-esteem thoughts. Sometimes even good friendships where this isn't the case just naturally drift apart as other things in people's lives change and people grow apart. Like it's been mentioned friendships are a two-way street and it's not your fault if despite your efforts to keep things going that it doesn't work out. It sucks but I wouldn't say that it didn't mean the friendships weren't meant to be at all, just that they've changed and you've grown apart.

 

[Nuzzy Nuz]

I've got so many friends but there are a very few friends i trust enough to open up my heart out completely and let my feelings flow out.. there were so many times that friendship faded to the point of extinct and that was not given another chance to rebuild.. sometimes there was not even a reason for why we became strangers all of a sudden.. weird but it hurts most of the time..

 

[Sci-Fi]

Yep, and miss them all the time but life tends to take you into different directions and you lose touch. Back in my day, god that makes me feel old, there wasn't texting, social media like there is today, so there was more of an effort to stay in touch. You try for awhile but other things get in the way and before you know it years go by. Some people just use you though for their own needs and dump you once they are done with you or being friends becomes and inconvenience for them. Those people aren't worth it even if you do miss the person they were before they became a giant *********.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I'm curious...have you guys ever had any friendships which had so much rapport and emotion, only to have just faded away spontaneously?

I've been through this too, yes. *sigh*

 

[Amthorn]

Hello lonelylifers

Soo, I have been stalking this site on and off for a couple of years now, reading threads here and there...I decided its time I posted my own little topic

As an individual, I ain't very sociable. I would always opt to spend time watching documentaries, rather than socialize with my peers. However, as I grew I began to feel like something was missing in me...I wanted a group to call my own. My own band of brothers.

I started to become more sociable, more outgoing. But I always found that it wasn't enough...my anxiety and fear of being judged kept holding me back. Twice in my life, I have lost connections to a few individuals I have held dearly. Twice, I have experienced the bitterness of regret. There was nothing I could do to save what little remained.

The remnants of a friendship...whose embers still flicker with wasted hope that one day, maybe just one day...they will again burn with a great flame.

Haha, I'm being soo dramatic about this but in its entirety, the pain I experienced felt so real...For a long time, I couldn't live with the reality that somehow, in someway, I could've done more to save those friendships. I keep telling myself that its all on me. It's all my fault. I failed.

Then again, I also wonder sometimes at night that maybe..just maybe..it couldn't be helped at all. That those friendships were never meant to be. I always tell myself..'what's yours is yours, and what isn't just isn't'. It just was never meant to be.

In some ways, my mind really is twisted. Sorry for the long rant ): but anyway, I'm curious...have you guys ever had any friendships which had so much rapport and emotion, only to have just faded away spontaneously?

Relationships of any kind require maintenance and investment. If you want someone to be interested in your life and care about you, you have to stay interested in their life and show that you care about them. Some people are so self involved, of course, that they will never reciprocate your friendliness; those are the sort of people you want to keep at a distance, because all they will do is take from you.

 

[_thesentimentalguy_]

Yeah, friendships are a two way thing. Totally agree with you guys. I guess I just invest too much into my friendships you know? Like I said, I've always felt that one day I would have my very own band of brothers. So, when I meet someone who reciprocates my friendliness, I start to become attached. But meh, I learnt to be less involved as the years go by. Take everything with a pinch of salt