Just an entry from my journal...

[Nethic]

I'm so ******* lonely. I'm in so much ******* pain. I'm in an absolutely massive amount of pain. I literally wanted to ******* cry on the bus home. I literally just wanted to ******* cry. I wanted to let the tears just flow. I wanted to let them just flow out of me. I wanted to take my pain and just shower myself with it.

I see so many ******* beautiful girls every day. At least 15-20 beautiful women every ******* day. Every day is a brand new one. Every single ******* day. And I'm not with them. At all. I have no ability to talk to them. I have no ability to start a conversation with them. I want them. They're ******* gorgeous and I want them. But, I can't talk to them. I want to start a conversation with them, but I don't. I sit there for most of the ride, just thinking about how badly I want them, and then the ride is over. I get off, feeling like I left a part of me in that ******* train or bus. I feel physically cut every single time I get off the bus and don't talk to a girl that I like. I feel physically ******* cut. I feel physical pain.

Every single time. And there is no avoiding that pain. There is no escaping that pain. And it adds up. It's like a wound that can never heal. It's a wound that is never healing. Ever - because it constantly gets cut. Every single beautiful girl that I don't talk to adds salt to a wound that just won't heal.

And by the time I get home, I'm wallowing in ******* loneliness. I'm wallowing in emptiness. I'm wallowing in pain. And then I go and journal.

It really just blocks out the sun. On a grand scale. It blocks out the sun.I try to fill the hole but it just won't get filled. I try to run away from the pain but it just gets worse (by going into WoW).

I don't know why I'm posting this here, I guess I just want support. I like the realization that I'm in physical pain every single time this happens.

Or maybe secretly I hope that some lonely girl reads this and happens to live in my area. (New York City).

 

[bender22]

What's stopping you from talking to those beautiful women? What if you were to start small and at least say hello to one of those women each day or ask them for the time. Small little things like this can lead to big changes.

This year I've started talking to those women. I'm still no master of attracting women but I sure do feel a lot better about myself knowing that I'm not always succumbing to my fears like I did in the past.

 

[sothatwasmylife]

What about a progression....cos you are leaving all the less attractive women out of the equation.....why not pay a less attractive fatty a complementthis would have the twin upside of both enhancing your own and their self esteem....and who knows you may even feel that superficial beauty's not the direction you want to go in anyway

 

[Wanderer145]

They're just another person man. Sometimes we forget this...some people like that are actually lonesome themselves. Try and say something to a woman you think is cute...you never know sometimes it's all it takes and boom you meet someone. It's not common by any means bit you know what, it's just good to talk to someone from the opposite sex just to pass the time and hell get to know someone possibly. Hasn't worked for me to meet a potentialpartner but it gave me the ability to talk to strangers when the situation presented.

It can be really lonesome and painful but man I feel like that too especially after months of trying to get out there meet a girl and take it from there only for it to end in a dead end conversation or nothing. Also crying is your body telling you it's stressed so it's good to let it out once in a while.

 

[SophiaGrace]

You know I've met some gorgeous women on this forum and their looks had no effect on me because I liked them for who they were inside and they liked me for my insides too.

You don't seem to feel good about yourself, and you feel you are worth less than them. It's not true. You're both humans.

Putting this into practice is another story though, I know.

 

[Darrell_Licht]

At least there are plenty around. Try living somewhere a nubile female are a minority, every male is competing and she always has her guard up.

I think you should stop worrying about this lack of female affection. I used to be like this until I got in a few relationships and found it's not all it's cracked up to be. Especially if you have emotional issues and other hang-ups she could use against you. Being lonely sucks, but it's infinitely better than getting mixed with a person who doesn't treat you well.

 

[Nethic]

At least there are plenty around. Try living somewhere a nubile female are a minority, every male is competing and she always has her guard up.

I think you should stop worrying about this lack of female affection. I used to be like this until I got in a few relationships and found it's not all it's cracked up to be. Especially if you have emotional issues and other hang-ups she could use against you. Being lonely sucks, but it's infinitely better than getting mixed with a person who doesn't treat you well.

Thanks for the replies, I really appreciate it.

Yea, it's true that you can have good and bad relationships. I hate the "be grateful for what you have - look down, not up", mentality though. It I find that it keeps me in place. It doesn't move me forward. It doesn't do anything for me. It is a mentality that returns "same old, same old" in an endless loop.

I don't want loneliness to be the only thing I experience in this life. At the end of the day, I'm trying to make the most out of my life. I want to experience more. Negative, and positive, because life is given only once.

In the end, you're still going to die one day. So it doesn't really matter. I have an eternity of "same old", "same old", to look forward (the ditch, and thereafter).

So why not choose to live, and have negative / positive experiences? (I should learn to take my own goddamn advice).

That was way more philosophical than I wanted it to be.

 

[Darrell_Licht]

Yin and yang, my friend