Scott
Well-known member
hi everyone, first time i have posted on here.
sometimes i just really want to tell someone that i need some help getting through things, you know? i just feel really alone when i have problems, like 10 minutes ago i looked through my whole phone book on my phone to see if i really could talk to somebody, even though i already knew there wasn't anyone. plenty of people, no-one i can open up to.
last week was the single worst week at work i've ever had. we finally got a new computer system and it's so frustrating i nearly walked out on work 3 times. that is saying a lot because i'm usually really patient at work. in general im very passive, although less so lately. i don't have a clue what i'm doing at work now and i feel totally lost. it took me quite a long time to really get the hang of my job since i started over last year, cos it was pretty tough to fit everything in on time and not get behind on things, but i was getting really good at it. now it's worse than starting all over again, there was only one day last week i didn't have a headache at work.
on friday i was so down i went to the nearest pub and drank myself stupid right after work finished until it closed at 1am. felt so bad on saturday i didnt get up until 5pm. didn't speak to anyone all weekend, even online, although that isn't unusual lately.
i called in sick today at work, first time in over a year. i woke up this morning and just couldn't face getting up. so i just laid there for 2 hours hoping it would go away. ofc it didn't and then i had to make the phone call to work. felt like such a liar and a coward doing that. but then for some hours i just went back to bed and everything went away. trouble is now it all comes back again like it always does. and now i've got work in the morning.... always work in the morning... before this weekend i had to work 12 days in a row and i just about felt like quitting right there and then.
tbh work isn't really even the main problem. it's just always been the thing that kept me kinda upbeat and almost optimistic as i could be. i've always worked lots of extra hours, quite a lot of the time when i wasn't even getting paid for them, just mostly so i could be around ppl i knew and who i was friends with at work, and i knew i was always valued there cos i have always been good at my job wherever i worked. cos i knew when i got home it would just be me on my own as always. i guess it always comes down the the same thing.
but now i even despise going into work. it's about now i usually have a habit of quitting my job and running away from things. i am gonna make a real hard effort to not do that this time. mostly cos i really cannot afford to lose my job. i really would have nothing at all within a few weeks, i pretty much got no money at all saved up so i'd be living on the street fairly soon.
i read this chat forum fairly regularly now. i like how honest and friendly ppl are on it and it makes me feel like im not alone. not that i get pleasure out of seeing that a lot of other ppl hate their lives too. that part makes me quite sad. i like talking about things it makes them seem better for a bit. maybe i can even help people out some too. it's not like i feel like this all the time. sometimes i'm just fine, people tell me i'm a funny guy most of the time, kinda funny in itself eh, if only they knew.
sometimes i just really want to tell someone that i need some help getting through things, you know? i just feel really alone when i have problems, like 10 minutes ago i looked through my whole phone book on my phone to see if i really could talk to somebody, even though i already knew there wasn't anyone. plenty of people, no-one i can open up to.
last week was the single worst week at work i've ever had. we finally got a new computer system and it's so frustrating i nearly walked out on work 3 times. that is saying a lot because i'm usually really patient at work. in general im very passive, although less so lately. i don't have a clue what i'm doing at work now and i feel totally lost. it took me quite a long time to really get the hang of my job since i started over last year, cos it was pretty tough to fit everything in on time and not get behind on things, but i was getting really good at it. now it's worse than starting all over again, there was only one day last week i didn't have a headache at work.
on friday i was so down i went to the nearest pub and drank myself stupid right after work finished until it closed at 1am. felt so bad on saturday i didnt get up until 5pm. didn't speak to anyone all weekend, even online, although that isn't unusual lately.
i called in sick today at work, first time in over a year. i woke up this morning and just couldn't face getting up. so i just laid there for 2 hours hoping it would go away. ofc it didn't and then i had to make the phone call to work. felt like such a liar and a coward doing that. but then for some hours i just went back to bed and everything went away. trouble is now it all comes back again like it always does. and now i've got work in the morning.... always work in the morning... before this weekend i had to work 12 days in a row and i just about felt like quitting right there and then.
tbh work isn't really even the main problem. it's just always been the thing that kept me kinda upbeat and almost optimistic as i could be. i've always worked lots of extra hours, quite a lot of the time when i wasn't even getting paid for them, just mostly so i could be around ppl i knew and who i was friends with at work, and i knew i was always valued there cos i have always been good at my job wherever i worked. cos i knew when i got home it would just be me on my own as always. i guess it always comes down the the same thing.
but now i even despise going into work. it's about now i usually have a habit of quitting my job and running away from things. i am gonna make a real hard effort to not do that this time. mostly cos i really cannot afford to lose my job. i really would have nothing at all within a few weeks, i pretty much got no money at all saved up so i'd be living on the street fairly soon.
i read this chat forum fairly regularly now. i like how honest and friendly ppl are on it and it makes me feel like im not alone. not that i get pleasure out of seeing that a lot of other ppl hate their lives too. that part makes me quite sad. i like talking about things it makes them seem better for a bit. maybe i can even help people out some too. it's not like i feel like this all the time. sometimes i'm just fine, people tell me i'm a funny guy most of the time, kinda funny in itself eh, if only they knew.