just needed to talk.

[born lonley]

Hi all,

Firstly yes, I know I made a spelling mistake in my user name

I am 35 and never had a girl. In my 20s it hurt a lot and felt very lonely but now I'm use to it, although the pain is still there and it is still as sharp.
I don't know why it's like this. I have tried any way possible to find someone but all failed. I have tried going out, online dating, blind dates, clubbing, you name it but nothing works.
I lost my virginity at 32. you probably can guess how it happened. That's correct, I paid for it. I was so frustrated and horny that I couldn't take it any more. So one night, out of nowhere (which it even surprised me) I felt that I have to do something about it and did. That was one of the most disappointing experiences in my life. She wasn't helpful at all. I haven't had sexual intercourse after that. That was the only time.
I am not tall but I look alright. I do keep fit and look after myself. I am well groomed, well dressed and well spoken. But it seems that there is something about me that puts girls off (I wish I knew what it was). In the past 11 years I maybe have had 5 dates. By that I mean five girls actually agreed to go out on a date with me but it never got anywhere.
So here I am. My life now is very simple. I go to work then go to the gym then go home, have dinner, watch TV and go to sleep. It's been like this for many years now.
I seriously have no idea what else I need to do.

 

[Shawn]

Im no guru. but maybe a change of location might help? meaning different state, new wardrobe, new life. seems daunting. im just kinda saying what i might do if i were you.

 

[Gerardo]

As Shawn said, maybe a change of location could help. Also, do you have any hobbies or interests? Perhaps you could meet someone by getting involved in activities you like. Maybe by taking some classes (art, musical instruments, you name it).

Could be the mood you give out. For instance, something that sometimes affect me is that I'm not very talkative. Yet I've noticed that in some cases where I've striked a good conversation, girls also talk a bit, smile, laugh, and all of that fuss.

Anyway, good luck to you! And don't give up!!!

 

[Punisher]

Hi, and welcome

You can ask one of the mods (EveWasFramed, Minus and Steel) to correct your user name.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Maybe try toning down a little bit..
Such as not taking everything too seriously. Let lose a little.
Let a little bit of badboyz side of you out...not treat woman bad.
Be spontanouse or be cool.
Put moose in your hair and give it a little of a wet greasy spike look.
Maybe blurr out of curse words here and there.
Laugh at youself or be qurrkie every so often...
It''ll show the humaness of you.

If you're too will behave sometimes..it's like walking eggshells.
So maybe the women feels like they can't breath and have to be well behave around you.
You gatta show a woman a good time and allow her to feel good around you.

If women went out with you then that's not a problem...it's just a matter of taking
it to the next level. Maybe you didn't date a single one of them long enough.

Women likes to romance and chased...you gatta chased them.
Maybe you gave up thinking she didn't return your call as a rejections...
you gatta chase them or keep them on the reserve list on in your black book.lol
You might not hear from them for months. Life changes...situations change..then
you might call her just to see...

Maybe try dating a bunch of women at the same time.
Oh well...rotate them. If one turns you down..go to the next one
Juggle them if you have too....
Don't worry about what other women say about you being a player and trip out on that honeysuckle.
Play the field and have fun. Date

 

[Typo]

Try joining activities in the area, like a class at the gym you go to, or maybe something new and different like a pottery class or a book club. When making conversation bring up something like your hobbies or ask what her hobbies are, maybe if she seen any good movies or heard any good music. Coffee shops are a great way to meet a variety of people at different ages. Maybe even doing volunteer work in the community, you would be doing a good cause and possibly meeting someone that way too!

Good Luck!
Typo

 

[born lonley]

Thank you all very much.

 

[bish33]

Women get just as nervous as we do on first dates. Their are obvious things to do, dress well, be respectful, when you're talking listen to what she says. First dates are an interview and that's it. You have to figure out a way to sell yourself to get that second date. Be honest and open, but don't dominate the conversation also don't say to little. That can put in her mind that you're not interested. Keep the topics simple.

I agree with Typo on the coffee shop date. It's really a perfect place. You're not stuck in a loud place with so much going on that one or both of you gets distracted. It's much easier to talk to them. Plus if you know the date is going bad all you have to do is finish the coffee and you're only out a few bucks. lol

Did you get second dates with any of the 5 dates you spoke about?

 

[Unwanted94]

That's how things are with me. Relationships with others seem to never go anywhere, especially with strangers. When I meet someone new, usually, I want it turn into something like a friendship (or maybe more), but that's when I began to question my expectations. Maybe they're too low, too high, or maybe I could be doing something wrong. Ask yourself that. There's nothing wrong with living a simple life. I know there are many that would trade everything that have for a simple life, but simplicity can get tedious and redundant sometimes, so I would try changing something. Perhaps...Location? Try something new.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I don't know what to say. I am in the same boat, although I'm 29 and haven't paid for it (yet.)

If I get to be 32 and still a virgin, I might. I don't want to be a 40 year old virgin!

Sorry I can't be more helpful.

 

[blackdot]

If I get to be 32 and still a virgin, I might. I don't want to be a 40 year old virgin!

I don't want to be a 40 year old virgin either... but probably will be since I'm already 38.
That is unless I die first. weeeeeee.......

I seriously have no idea what else I need to do.

You aren't alone in that one. A lot of us have no idea what to do. Dating seems to be something that was not meant for all of us to experience.

 

[Ak5]

The best way to lose your virginity is to stop obsessing over it.

 

[ShybutHi]

The best way to lose your virginity is to stop obsessing over it.

I think Ak5 has an (probably intentional) underlying truth to what he just said.

That is let everything go naturally.

Be confident and be genuinely interested in others. I have noticed a change in how im reciprocated by others. I started to just make small talk with strangers, greet them with a friendly greeting, a smile and make eye contact.

I have had quite a few people chat to me for a long time because of this, before they would not say a word. It was kinda hard at first because I am a very shy, quiet and introverted person, but it is just small talk and you get used to it after a while... it gets the ball rolling.

 

[blackdot]

I only obsessive over the fact I am alone.
Not obsessing over it will just means I will definitely stay alone.

 

[Ak5]

I've found that obsessing over something that makes me feel sad makes me sadder by the minute.

 

[ShybutHi]

Same here. I just try and do something to take my mind off of things. Easier said than done though I know.

 

[Ak5]

Yeah, best thing to do is to do something, anything to take your mind off.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Obsessing when you're older than most, when they first start having relationships, is kind of natural.

Just saying.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

There are books out there that can break down how to get women into a process. Plenty of men out there use them to change their luck with women. I always recommend this because I guess it never hurts.

There is always roophies and brain-washing... though I am pretty sure it is illegal.