Hey there, all. I'll probably need to just post in short bursts, because it's tough for me to express everything all at once. The truth is, I feel like I'm such a bind. I have a lot to be happy about, actually -- I'm living my dream of teaching at a university campus, which is going fantastically. But on occasion I have depressive episodes when I think about how tough it is for me to connect with people and how I have ruined certain friendships... or what almost developed into a friendship. (Sigh...)
Anyway, I'm not even sure what questions I have. I suppose I just needed an outlet like this one whenever I need a hug (albeit a virtual one, ha-ha).
One of the major issues I'm having is that I've been wanting to date. I have not done so in a few years, and I completely screwed up with the last young woman I dated. I broke up with her over the phone, for which I still haven't forgiven myself. I just can't.
So, I think I've kind of cursed myself in a way. I don't believe I'll ever truly deserve another woman, since I did something terrible to someone in that manner. And I feel so much like I can't talk to anyone, because I'm in a good position with my work and feel so often like I need to be mature no matter what. I don't want people to see me bleed, in other words.
Anyway, I just need some of you great people to talk to. As you might notice, I'm an imperfect person in a few different ways. But I look forward to -- I don't know -- just not feeling so unreasonably lonely. I don't have many true friends; I probably should have mentioned that upfront.
Anyway, I'm not even sure what questions I have. I suppose I just needed an outlet like this one whenever I need a hug (albeit a virtual one, ha-ha).
One of the major issues I'm having is that I've been wanting to date. I have not done so in a few years, and I completely screwed up with the last young woman I dated. I broke up with her over the phone, for which I still haven't forgiven myself. I just can't.
So, I think I've kind of cursed myself in a way. I don't believe I'll ever truly deserve another woman, since I did something terrible to someone in that manner. And I feel so much like I can't talk to anyone, because I'm in a good position with my work and feel so often like I need to be mature no matter what. I don't want people to see me bleed, in other words.
Anyway, I just need some of you great people to talk to. As you might notice, I'm an imperfect person in a few different ways. But I look forward to -- I don't know -- just not feeling so unreasonably lonely. I don't have many true friends; I probably should have mentioned that upfront.