Just needed to vent a bit...

[Red914]

Hey there, all. I'll probably need to just post in short bursts, because it's tough for me to express everything all at once. The truth is, I feel like I'm such a bind. I have a lot to be happy about, actually -- I'm living my dream of teaching at a university campus, which is going fantastically. But on occasion I have depressive episodes when I think about how tough it is for me to connect with people and how I have ruined certain friendships... or what almost developed into a friendship. (Sigh...)

Anyway, I'm not even sure what questions I have. I suppose I just needed an outlet like this one whenever I need a hug (albeit a virtual one, ha-ha).

One of the major issues I'm having is that I've been wanting to date. I have not done so in a few years, and I completely screwed up with the last young woman I dated. I broke up with her over the phone, for which I still haven't forgiven myself. I just can't.

So, I think I've kind of cursed myself in a way. I don't believe I'll ever truly deserve another woman, since I did something terrible to someone in that manner. And I feel so much like I can't talk to anyone, because I'm in a good position with my work and feel so often like I need to be mature no matter what. I don't want people to see me bleed, in other words.

Anyway, I just need some of you great people to talk to. As you might notice, I'm an imperfect person in a few different ways. But I look forward to -- I don't know -- just not feeling so unreasonably lonely. I don't have many true friends; I probably should have mentioned that upfront.

 

[Alienated]

I'll talk to you Red... That's great you are a teacher, I am kind of a professional student.... All of my family is gone, and I am retired. I myself screwed up my life too, but with drinking. I am sober 7 years now but I am paying the consequences still.

I love the sciences because they are the only things that make sense in this crazy world of BS. Science doesn't lie !! But I study many things... what ever strikes my fancy at the time.

I have lived in isolation for that 7 years, and don't have anyone to talk to either... It seems talking face to face has become obsolete... Now it's all electronic !! I just hope they don't do what they did to sex in Demolition Man, with Stallone and Sandra Bullock !! I'm still old fashioned that way !!

I'm Daniel

 

[Garbageman]

Hey Red914,
Well I will send you a virtual hug, ((HUG)). I know everyone sets their standards and values differently, and to you breaking up over the phone is a horrible thing to do. I really think you are being to hard on yourself for this, sometimes breaking up over the phone is unfortunately the best way(not saying it was in your case I don't know). Now to break up via text is pretty bad, but even if you had broken up via text, I wouldn't consider yourself cursed or that you don't deserve to be with someone else. People make mistakes. Especially in emotional situations such as breaking up. Hang in there. You are welcome to send me a PM. Take care.

 

[Red914]

I'm really grateful for you good people right now -- I mean that. My depression is hitting hard at the moment. I can't get a response from friends on Facebook, but I'm just being over-sensitive.

I'm very close to not making sense right now, because I start to speak impatient gibberish when I feel this kind of crippling loneliness.

Thanks again, all. I just don't know to deal with my feelings.

---

Alienated, thank you very kindly for opening up to me. And kudos to you. It takes a very strong individual to keep sober for seven years. You're fighting the good fight and succeeding -- just know that. I hope you are well tonight.

---

Garbageman, I may take you up on your offer very soon -- in terms of a PM, that is. Thank you so much, really.

I know I'm being hard on myself, but it's just difficult for me to let it go. I don't know why. I felt like some kind of aspiring seducer afterwards, LOL. I would hear the song "Jar of Hearts" and believe I was THAT guy who could never make things right.

Anyhow, thanks again -- all of this heals my heart a little. So much is spilling out right now. I feel like crying. It's an overreaction, I know, but... man.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Hey Red, I got not much to say right now as I'm not really at my best. But it's nice that your teaching profession is going well. I teach teenagers. Meh.

Hope you'll find some connection here or some people to talk to from here. Lots of great peeps. Good luck.

 

[theglasscell]

It sounds like you are doing great with your job.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

Dating isn't easy for anyone, it takes a lot of patience.

I broke up with a girl by text once, and we had dated almost a whole year. That was wrong of me but it's in the past. I wouldn't beat yourself over doing a phone break up.

 

[Danielle]

Red, I'm sorry for how you are feeling... I am here to talk anytime! If you want to pop into the chat room.. you will have a bunch of people to chat with. Pm me anytime! sending big (((HUGS)))) to you!

 

[Obscurity]

A life lacking is unpleasant, even if you have a good job, good friends, or love. Don't be ashamed of struggling. I have a relationship, but I'll always yearn for family and be jealous of people with loving mothers and fathers.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I have a relationship, but I'll always yearn for family and be jealous of people with loving mothers and fathers.

Aww :\ *hugs*