I dont know if this will reach the right person, or if it'll just end up looking stupid and sad. People in love never want to hear the truth, anyways, esp online, heh.
Ive been through a couple ldrs by now. I'm lonely, hence why I'm on websites like this. I also have subterranean levels of self esteem, and Ive felt something like depression for about 5 years straight. I learned my lesson after the first couple brushes with online romance, however immature they may have been. When I met no3, I wasnt looking anymore. But deep down, I was still so lonely, and ached to find a true friend.. and I also still wanted to experience love, and all that goes along with it.
The first month, there wasnt any flirting. Just a person who seemed genuinely happy spending time talking to me. I thought I had found a friend that I really connected with. After a while, though, he'd start saying things like 'its scary how much i like talking to you.' I'd constantly resist, but deep down, I did want it, and so I'd give in, resist, give in. I showed him my photo, I went on camera, trying to say look, I am not beautiful, so please dont make me out to be more than I am.
Another month went by, and somewhere, things changed. I had noticed that he didnt seek me out in the im group we were a part of. Didnt act excited to see me in group, the way he did in pm. Didnt talk about meeting up like he did with the others, never went out of his way to include me in plans. He'd still pm me every day, but would wait until the small hours of morning. When I pmed him first, a full conversation would never ensue. He'd ask me personal, leading questions, but very rarely actually give me his full attention.
Through this all, I kept saying, things are different, why? He never acknowledged anything. I felt like I was going crazy-- how come someone who seemed so keen to talk, never sets aside any time for me anymore? Why should you have to be more than friends with someone who genuinely likes you, to have them engage with you, without being busy?
I am not upset because of feelings that changed. I am upset, because I thought I had a friend who cared about me. Not only that, every time I tried talking about it, there was never any acknowledgement that anything was different.Getting someone to open up to you, and not even caring enough to listen, just kills the other person involved. I understand suddenly not talking as much to someone, because you cant admit your feelings have changed. But faking it is something that just feels wrong.
So thats my story .-. If you have one to share.. theres space. I'm aware that there are stories that have happy endings. But they give false hope to the majority, and open vulnerable hearts up to needless pain. Somehow I thought it would be more obvious, that someone was insincere. But it can blindside you, and it hurts so much more, becuase you were unprepared-- because instead of bumping into someone at a coffee shop and going on a few dates before deciding not to get too involved, you open up too deeply to someone, for months and months.. and then realize they dont even care about you enough to enjoy your friendship.
Ive been through a couple ldrs by now. I'm lonely, hence why I'm on websites like this. I also have subterranean levels of self esteem, and Ive felt something like depression for about 5 years straight. I learned my lesson after the first couple brushes with online romance, however immature they may have been. When I met no3, I wasnt looking anymore. But deep down, I was still so lonely, and ached to find a true friend.. and I also still wanted to experience love, and all that goes along with it.
The first month, there wasnt any flirting. Just a person who seemed genuinely happy spending time talking to me. I thought I had found a friend that I really connected with. After a while, though, he'd start saying things like 'its scary how much i like talking to you.' I'd constantly resist, but deep down, I did want it, and so I'd give in, resist, give in. I showed him my photo, I went on camera, trying to say look, I am not beautiful, so please dont make me out to be more than I am.
Another month went by, and somewhere, things changed. I had noticed that he didnt seek me out in the im group we were a part of. Didnt act excited to see me in group, the way he did in pm. Didnt talk about meeting up like he did with the others, never went out of his way to include me in plans. He'd still pm me every day, but would wait until the small hours of morning. When I pmed him first, a full conversation would never ensue. He'd ask me personal, leading questions, but very rarely actually give me his full attention.
Through this all, I kept saying, things are different, why? He never acknowledged anything. I felt like I was going crazy-- how come someone who seemed so keen to talk, never sets aside any time for me anymore? Why should you have to be more than friends with someone who genuinely likes you, to have them engage with you, without being busy?
I am not upset because of feelings that changed. I am upset, because I thought I had a friend who cared about me. Not only that, every time I tried talking about it, there was never any acknowledgement that anything was different.Getting someone to open up to you, and not even caring enough to listen, just kills the other person involved. I understand suddenly not talking as much to someone, because you cant admit your feelings have changed. But faking it is something that just feels wrong.
So thats my story .-. If you have one to share.. theres space. I'm aware that there are stories that have happy endings. But they give false hope to the majority, and open vulnerable hearts up to needless pain. Somehow I thought it would be more obvious, that someone was insincere. But it can blindside you, and it hurts so much more, becuase you were unprepared-- because instead of bumping into someone at a coffee shop and going on a few dates before deciding not to get too involved, you open up too deeply to someone, for months and months.. and then realize they dont even care about you enough to enjoy your friendship.