Lessons learned

[Revengineer]

What are some things you've learned from your past relationship experiences? About yourself, about other people, about relationships in general?

 

[EveWasFramed]

Your partner is NOT your therapist. If you need to do more than the occasional rant about life in general, get a therapist or you will find yourself with no partner.

 

[ardour]

That’s sad Eve, a partner should be willing to listen and offer support some of the time, as long as it’s not all one-sided.

 

[EveWasFramed]

That’s sad Eve, a partner should be willing to listen and offer support some of the time, as long as it’s not all one-sided.

Nah, rdor....I said "occasional rant."
What I mean is, you never want to burden your partner with more than they can carry (emotionally and mentally) if that makes any sense?

 

[Hearmenow2012]

I've learn't not to be too pushy. Don't expect your other half to be able to offer you everything you want. i.e visit you whenever you would like them to. It is important to understand that it is not that easy for them to just see you just because you want them to. I also believe that generally long distance relationships don't work out, but there are exceptions to the rule.

I was very young and inexperienced when I was in the relationships. Much of the same can be still said for today apart from I'm older even if I don't feel it (I feel like I have matured somewhat though)

 

[Felix]

Set clear bounderies as soon as something bothers you.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Your partner is NOT your therapist. If you need to do more than the occasional rant about life in general, get a therapist or you will find yourself with no partner.

This. I totally get you, Eve. Don't expect them to be that, you'd only sabotage your relationship with them.

- Have boundaries set; what Felix also said.
- Respect yourself first, before you can respect your partner.
- Be understanding at the fact that the opposite sex is wired differently and cannot think or feel the same way you do about something.
- Be reasonable with each other.
- Be attentive, don't slacken in the relationship just because you are comfortable - you don't stop showing affection and care just because that person is always there and take that for granted.

That's all for now.

 

[Case]

1) Open up more, emotionally and physically. I used to be tight-lipped and shy. I also didn't like physical touch. Relationships cured me of both to where I fear I now reveal too much of myself. lol - Also, I now love (and I miss) the physicality of a relationship. The brush of a hand on a cheek, hands clasped while walking, hugs, the whole deal. Love it.

2) Having some common interests are important. No common interests means less conversation points and less activity possibilities. (I told one gf that we didn't have anything in common, which was important to me. She thought I'd grown a third eye b/c she never had a bf she had common interests with. I found this amazing.)

3) Balance your "me-time" with your "we-time." If my gf wanted to do something when I had some "me-time" planned, I asked myself if that thing I wanted to do could wait. If it could wait, I would ocassionally postpone my "me-time" to build more rapport with my gf. Then, I could schedule "me-time" when we couldn't get together.

4) Avoid desperate people at all cost. And by "desperate" I mean the type of person who is angry, frustrated, and jealous if I am not spending every free moment with my gf. Needy people drain my energy, and they may need therapy to learn why they act this way.

5) Always try to give more love than you take. However, be watchful if you are giving far more than you receive. Balance is the key.

 

[Okiedokes]

- Don't lose what you are, or change how you are to fit someone else's "perfect" description. I need to be accepted for who I am.

- If there is any kind of misunderstanding, talk about it right away instead of wondering or assuming. (Good communication)

- It takes two people, not one doing all the work and the focus should be on each other trying to help one another/be there for each other.

- Make your own time for yourself and enjoy friendships, but always have that special time each day to spend together.

- Understanding, respect, love, honesty, compromise, good communication, is what makes it work. It's what holds a relationship together.

- The person should be your best friend as well as your lover.

- Never rush.... it can ruin even good relationships.

- It's best to know what they want in life and what kinds of things they want to do in the future, or what kinds of things you want to do together. It's good to know these things and make long term goals (not with a date attached) to kind of have an idea of what it will be like long term.

-Respect yourself. If someone only cares about themselves or isn't treating you in a kind way most of the time, then it's not going anywhere and not worth it. Love can be one sided, but that's a very sad situation and you should get out of that.

 

[duff]

What are some things you've learned from your past relationship experiences? About yourself, about other people, about relationships in general?

some people will look you in the face and lie !

 

[9006]

Don't fool yourself thinking the relationship's gonna work just because the sex is awesome.