Living in silence

[Regumika]

You catch different kinds of fish depending on where you fish, be it off the shore or on a boat. "Getting out" has different meanings. You are "out" there in the community, but that might not be the right place to catch the fish you're looking for.

And keep this in mind, since you are talking about dating. She may be your type, but are you her's? There also isn't a go-to for a guy that can catch girls. Yes you see it out in the world, and people date.. and find out no, that guy really isn't for me. Yes you can bait them with "good looks" and "good personality" and "nice guy" but in the end, you probably just aren't their type. So don't get depressed over it. You just have to find the one that you attract, by fishing at the right places at the right time.

That "chameleon" attribute of yours... drop it, right now. it will only hurt you. Be firm, and very firm with your opinions and beliefs, so that it will never come back and bite you. "Do you like Strawberry Mint Milkshakes? Because I do." Just state your honest opinion, don't lie. Don't agree with her if it isn't your true feeling.

 

[duff]

what advice did I reject?
the advice to get out and do things with people? I do that already. That doesn't solve the problem.

your wasting your time writing posts complaining then. What's the point ? People suggest things and you make excuses. It's just a waste of time.

What's the real answer ?

Women don't like you and don't want to date you ?

And unless you change that, your life will stay the same !

Change your goals, why is it so important to be 'dating' somebody anyway ?

 

[Toby]

Blackdot, the people that you talk to and who enjoy your company at the community groups, do you also enjoy their company? Is there anyone there that you could see as a friend? Not necessarily a dating partner but just as a friend.

 

[Veruca]

We look for different things in friends; people to hang out with, have meaningful conversations/travel with, seek support or comfort from etc. Its nice to have a close group of friends who are a bit of everything, but when that doesn't happen, we can have different groups of people for different purposes. It might be easier to find a group of friends to just say, watch a game with rather than friends whom we can trust and pour our feelings to. Like for example, I have colleagues whom I have lunch with and we have a pretty good time making small talk, but I don't see them after work. And I have one friend I see once in 3 months, and all we do is meet up to go dancing, we barely talk about anything.

I wonder if this can apply to you? =)

 

[ladyforsaken]

Have you not met anyone who has similar interests as you? Someone you can chat with about things you like? That person can be made your friend. Key is to follow up with them I suppose, like, set a meet-up for some drinks or something that you both like doing. Sometimes, if we don't take that initiative, people don't either, no bonding or friendships are made.

 

[blackdot]

Have you not met anyone who has similar interests as you? Someone you can chat with about things you like? That person can be made your friend. Key is to follow up with them I suppose, like, set a meet-up for some drinks or something that you both like doing. Sometimes, if we don't take that initiative, people don't either, no bonding or friendships are made.

yes, unfortunately she killed herself.

I have met other females that I get along with and things are fine until I mention that I am interested in them. They then vanish. Normally it's after they tell me that I should be out dating someone. When I turn the tables and mention I would love to go out with them, they immediately go to the "no no no, I meant you should be dating anyone but me" reaction.

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what advice did I reject?
the advice to get out and do things with people? I do that already. That doesn't solve the problem.

your wasting your time writing posts complaining then. What's the point ? People suggest things and you make excuses. It's just a waste of time.

Change your goals, why is it so important to be 'dating' somebody anyway ?

I'm not making excuses! I'm replying that so far nothing has worked. People suggest things and either I have already tried it or it's not something I do. Like a lot of people suggest going to get drunk. I don't drink.

Why is it important to be dating? Well cause it's something I have always wanted to do and now it's almost too late in life to really start.

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Anyways... the point of this thread is not about dating. It's that I don't understand who people talk to all the time. The concept of having people interested in what I have to say just baffles me. I've always seen myself as the person people come to when they need something done because I'm extremely reliable and won't agree to do something if I can't do it. That and I'm always helpful. But coming to me just to talk, that's just the weirdest concept to me. I don't understand it.
I knew it was going to be hard to put into words when I started typing the original post but I can see from the comments in here that it was harder than I thought to explain the concept that is alluding me.

It's not about me not being social when I actually am. It's not about me not getting out when I actually do. It's not about me doing nothing when I actually do things.
It's the concept of people wanting to talk about something... anything... other than just needing some piece of information or needing a job performed.

 

[Unwanted94]

"Do I have to special order them off Amazon?" If only it was that goddamn simple.

 

[duff]

Have you not met anyone who has similar interests as you? Someone you can chat with about things you like? That person can be made your friend. Key is to follow up with them I suppose, like, set a meet-up for some drinks or something that you both like doing. Sometimes, if we don't take that initiative, people don't either, no bonding or friendships are made.

yes, unfortunately she killed herself.

I have met other females that I get along with and things are fine until I mention that I am interested in them. They then vanish. Normally it's after they tell me that I should be out dating someone. When I turn the tables and mention I would love to go out with them, they immediately go to the "no no no, I meant you should be dating anyone but me" reaction.

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what advice did I reject?
the advice to get out and do things with people? I do that already. That doesn't solve the problem.

your wasting your time writing posts complaining then. What's the point ? People suggest things and you make excuses. It's just a waste of time.

Change your goals, why is it so important to be 'dating' somebody anyway ?

I'm not making excuses! I'm replying that so far nothing has worked. People suggest things and either I have already tried it or it's not something I do. Like a lot of people suggest going to get drunk. I don't drink.

Why is it important to be dating? Well cause it's something I have always wanted to do and now it's almost too late in life to really start.

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Anyways... the point of this thread is not about dating. It's that I don't understand who people talk to all the time. The concept of having people interested in what I have to say just baffles me. I've always seen myself as the person people come to when they need something done because I'm extremely reliable and won't agree to do something if I can't do it. That and I'm always helpful. But coming to me just to talk, that's just the weirdest concept to me. I don't understand it.
I knew it was going to be hard to put into words when I started typing the original post but I can see from the comments in here that it was harder than I thought to explain the concept that is alluding me.

It's not about me not being social when I actually am. It's not about me not getting out when I actually do. It's not about me doing nothing when I actually do things.
It's the concept of people wanting to talk about something... anything... other than just needing some piece of information or needing a job performed.

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I don't really follow what you mean. Do you mean people don't care about you or how you are feeling ?? They just use you when they like ?

People on mobiles ? Mostly talking to their other half. Boring crap most of it !

Your not too old at 39 either !

 

[Brock007]

I also feel this when I am tense due to some problem and at that time I just want to spend time alone on some silence place.. because I have to think about the problem and find some solution for that. It also happens same when I am sad. But normally I like to live where I find more people to talk.

 

[Regumika]

I knew it was going to be hard to put into words when I started typing the original post but I can see from the comments in here that it was harder than I thought to explain the concept that is alluding me.

It's not about me not being social when I actually am. It's not about me not getting out when I actually do. It's not about me doing nothing when I actually do things.
It's the concept of people wanting to talk about something... anything... other than just needing some piece of information or needing a job performed.

I get it now. And I actually agree with you. I am a super practical person. I too do not understand why or how people "chit chat". But you know what I discovered? It doesn't matter if others chit chat and I can't. I do not need someone to chit chat with and that is all it matters. Don't take it the wrong way as me saying I do not need company. I do, just not specifically the chit chat part. And I don't specifically desire it, I just like presence and doing things together.

"I would love to date them" in your terms according to them is "romance". Where in reality you are actually already "dating" them by "getting to know them". The society has ingrained dating with romance, and that is false. Being in a relationship is romance, not dating. Dating is quite casual. "Going on a date" can go both ways, casual or romantic.

So I think you should sit back and determine what you really want. Before taking action and speaking your "thoughts".

 

[ladyforsaken]

Have you not met anyone who has similar interests as you? Someone you can chat with about things you like? That person can be made your friend. Key is to follow up with them I suppose, like, set a meet-up for some drinks or something that you both like doing. Sometimes, if we don't take that initiative, people don't either, no bonding or friendships are made.

yes, unfortunately she killed herself.

I have met other females that I get along with and things are fine until I mention that I am interested in them. They then vanish. Normally it's after they tell me that I should be out dating someone. When I turn the tables and mention I would love to go out with them, they immediately go to the "no no no, I meant you should be dating anyone but me" reaction.

I'm sorry about that, blackdot.

Hmm, but why do they do that, do you know or have figured out why? What makes them vanish as soon as you tell them you're interested?

 

[Toby]

Ladyforsaken, I think it might come down to akwardness. It can be an akward situation when you don't like someone "like that" and they express that they do like you in that way. Maybe the women just feel it's better to stay away to help to not give him the impression that they do like him, as obviously they hadn't made that clear enough before in general conversation/expressions. They might start wondering if everything the guy is doing or thinking is just to try and date them and that can seem intense to be on the receiving end of that.

Women are very expressive and they will usually be the ones to show you if they do like you or not.

 

[Misanthrope23]

Ladyforsaken, I think it might come down to akwardness. It can be an akward situation when you don't like someone "like that" and they express that they do like you in that way. Maybe the women just feel it's better to stay away to help to not give him the impression that they do like him, as obviously they hadn't made that clear enough before in general conversation/expressions. They might start wondering if everything the guy is doing or thinking is just to try and date them and that can seem intense to be on the receiving end of that.

Women are very expressive and they will usually be the ones to show you if they do like you or not.

your name Toby reminds me of "Tobi" from the anime Noein. the one with purple hair. but in the english dub he was made to sound like a girl :3

 

[ladyforsaken]

Ladyforsaken, I think it might come down to akwardness. It can be an akward situation when you don't like someone "like that" and they express that they do like you in that way. Maybe the women just feel it's better to stay away to help to not give him the impression that they do like him, as obviously they hadn't made that clear enough before in general conversation/expressions. They might start wondering if everything the guy is doing or thinking is just to try and date them and that can seem intense to be on the receiving end of that.

Women are very expressive and they will usually be the ones to show you if they do like you or not.

Hmm, but for all those women? I'm sure there's at least one person who could at least talk about it and continue being friends with blackdot?

 

[Toby]

Ladyforsaken, as much as people differ and are unique is as much as they are also similar.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Ladyforsaken, as much as people differ and are unique is as much as they are also similar.

Just unfortunate really, in this situation.

 

[blackdot]

I have met other females that I get along with and things are fine until I mention that I am interested in them. They then vanish. Normally it's after they tell me that I should be out dating someone. When I turn the tables and mention I would love to go out with them, they immediately go to the "no no no, I meant you should be dating anyone but me" reaction.

Hmm, but why do they do that, do you know or have figured out why? What makes them vanish as soon as you tell them you're interested?

I have no idea. I guess I'm just good at scaring women. *laughs*
It's always just been a reoccuring problem. They show interest in me. I get the wrong impression. They run away. I get hurt. If I were the drinking type, I'd make a drinking game out of it. Ha ha ha!

 

[duff]

I have met other females that I get along with and things are fine until I mention that I am interested in them. They then vanish. Normally it's after they tell me that I should be out dating someone. When I turn the tables and mention I would love to go out with them, they immediately go to the "no no no, I meant you should be dating anyone but me" reaction.

Hmm, but why do they do that, do you know or have figured out why? What makes them vanish as soon as you tell them you're interested?

I have no idea. I guess I'm just good at scaring women. *laughs*
It's always just been a reoccuring problem. They show interest in me. I get the wrong impression. They run away. I get hurt. If I were the drinking type, I'd make a drinking game out of it. Ha ha ha!

it could be worse for you. At least women show interest in you !

Alot of women treat me like crap !

 

[blackdot]

Right now I'd rather be treated like crap so I didn't always get my hopes up. *laughs*

 

[ladyforsaken]

I have no idea. I guess I'm just good at scaring women. *laughs*
It's always just been a reoccuring problem. They show interest in me. I get the wrong impression. They run away. I get hurt. If I were the drinking type, I'd make a drinking game out of it. Ha ha ha!

Really, I'm curious as to why you "scare" women lol. Do you sound or become stalker-ish when you tell them you're interested? Or maybe it's just your luck all those times :\