M
melleh
Guest
I feel an intense loneliness at home, living with my mother. The problem is that...we hardly talk. I mean, we talk, but we don't TALK, if you know what I mean. Our conversations pretty much revolve around crap and I never feel like I'm appreciated. When the tv is on (which is all day and night) and her shows are on, my sister and I can't really open out mouths because we get told to be quiet.
That rejection causes such a sadness in my heart. I never feel like she wants to hear anything I have to say. She's quite an introvert; her life revolves around her tv shows for the most part (seriously, it gets ridiculous. Our coffee table is covered with VHS tapes- shows she's taped over the week. She just sits and catches up her shows, every single day). She never really sees friends (and she only really has one or two friends). I feel like her lifestyle is rubbing off on me, and I despise it. I do NOT want to be in constant seclusion. But I am. I hardly see my friends (and I myself don't have too many), and don't leave the house that much.
I feel like I'm in such a rut and that I'm wasting my life. I feel like it's never going to get better. And I just don't know what to do anymore...I mean, I'm TRYING to do more things (go for walks, go to the shops, etc) but I never feel like it's enough.
During the semester (Uni) I went to see a counselor every week or so, and I'm starting to miss talking to someone. He listened, and didn't tell me to shut up. I can't afford a therapist or anything, so I guess I'm going to have to wait until next year to see a Uni counselor again...
I just feel so lonely, unwanted, and secluded and it's such a burden. I never used to cry but these days, I'm crying quite a lot.
Why is it so hard to find somebody to talk to?
That rejection causes such a sadness in my heart. I never feel like she wants to hear anything I have to say. She's quite an introvert; her life revolves around her tv shows for the most part (seriously, it gets ridiculous. Our coffee table is covered with VHS tapes- shows she's taped over the week. She just sits and catches up her shows, every single day). She never really sees friends (and she only really has one or two friends). I feel like her lifestyle is rubbing off on me, and I despise it. I do NOT want to be in constant seclusion. But I am. I hardly see my friends (and I myself don't have too many), and don't leave the house that much.
I feel like I'm in such a rut and that I'm wasting my life. I feel like it's never going to get better. And I just don't know what to do anymore...I mean, I'm TRYING to do more things (go for walks, go to the shops, etc) but I never feel like it's enough.
During the semester (Uni) I went to see a counselor every week or so, and I'm starting to miss talking to someone. He listened, and didn't tell me to shut up. I can't afford a therapist or anything, so I guess I'm going to have to wait until next year to see a Uni counselor again...
I just feel so lonely, unwanted, and secluded and it's such a burden. I never used to cry but these days, I'm crying quite a lot.
Why is it so hard to find somebody to talk to?