melofsalem
Member
- Joined
- May 16, 2016
- Messages
- 24
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I haven't spoken a word, except to my dying parents, about this loneliness I've been wrestling with. Im recently separated after many years of marriage and found out I have a terminal illness... I now live by myself and work many hours; I keep busy and try not to become idle; that's when my predicament hits me like a ton of bricks and I feel like the only person on earth. I've three good friends since early childhood. Recently, one moved across country and is engrossed in a new romance, one just "made it in Hollywood," and the other is somewhere on the streets of San Francisco chasing heroin addiction. I would talk, albeit pathetically it seems, with anyone who would listen, but I've realized no one, at least, not yet, seems to really care. I'm very close to my teenage children, but these words are not for them.
Everyday, when I awake or on my way home, the pit in my stomach begans, and an unconscious mantra repeats in my mind: you're alone and so shall you die, alone. I would be lying if I said this didn't bother me greatly, but I push it out of my mind. I think, with so many people in the world and so many similar situations, how can anyone be alone? How can anyone be alone in this age of technology in which we are all seemingly connected and can easily express ourselves whenever we want on just about any medium. So, I have tried depression forums and I am told perhaps I should try the anxiety forums. I have tried the anxiety forums and am told I should try the depression forums.... So perhaps I don't fit in these boxes and it feels a little bit like more rejection which the way that it is very difficult. Except for little pleasantries and cordiality at work and the sparse conversations I have with my parents, the only dialogue/monologue that of her occurs is with myself, in my quiet mind, in my quiet house. I know I am lonely and I do not want to be any longer. I want to share my thoughts and dreams of anyone that will listen to me; I need somebody to know that exist.
Everyday, when I awake or on my way home, the pit in my stomach begans, and an unconscious mantra repeats in my mind: you're alone and so shall you die, alone. I would be lying if I said this didn't bother me greatly, but I push it out of my mind. I think, with so many people in the world and so many similar situations, how can anyone be alone? How can anyone be alone in this age of technology in which we are all seemingly connected and can easily express ourselves whenever we want on just about any medium. So, I have tried depression forums and I am told perhaps I should try the anxiety forums. I have tried the anxiety forums and am told I should try the depression forums.... So perhaps I don't fit in these boxes and it feels a little bit like more rejection which the way that it is very difficult. Except for little pleasantries and cordiality at work and the sparse conversations I have with my parents, the only dialogue/monologue that of her occurs is with myself, in my quiet mind, in my quiet house. I know I am lonely and I do not want to be any longer. I want to share my thoughts and dreams of anyone that will listen to me; I need somebody to know that exist.