Lonely: A Memoir

[mikkiatalonelylife]

Has anyone read this new book by Emily White? I just read it last week - I really identified with a lot with her describing emotional versus social loneliness. I think I have a lot more of a problem with social loneliness now (e.g., not having a large social network locally to draw on), but I was also definitely emotionally lonely when I was younger.

However, I don't think she found answers for the road out of loneliness. Not that there aren't any, but that she didn't get to them in her book.

Thoughts?

 

[coricopat]

Hmmm....no, but I'll check it out. I don't have a library and am dead broke, don't supposed you'd let me borrow your copy?

I've got a couple of books on solitude and loneliness, but most of them tend to pontificate too much on philosophy, eventually digressing into nonsense. Half the time I'm reading I'm thinking 'Did they not have an editor?'.

 

[mikkiatalonelylife]

I borrowed it from the library You don't have one or don't have access to one where you live?

Here's a link to her blog, which gives you an idea of what the book is about.

http://www.lonelythebook.com/loneliness-blog/

 

[whirlingwaltzer]

Has anyone read this new book by Emily White? I just read it last week - I really identified with a lot with her describing emotional versus social loneliness. I think I have a lot more of a problem with social loneliness now (e.g., not having a large social network locally to draw on), but I was also definitely emotionally lonely when I was younger.

However, I don't think she found answers for the road out of loneliness. Not that there aren't any, but that she didn't get to them in her book.

Thoughts?

I think it's a phenomenal book. I have been taking notes like a fiend. It's revolutionized the way I think of my loneliness. I am actively looking for a new therapist who is trained in the--still-controversial--thinking that loneliness is not self-inflicted. I related a great deal to the concept of shame surrounding loneliness and the great pains to which the lonely (that would include me) go to hiding the fact that they are alone. I also very much identified with her description of wanting very much to connect, but avoiding social contact, etc.

Her book is the first place I've read about evidence that, for the chronically lonely, "just getting out there" and amassing as many opportunities to be amongst people (the whole "go for coffee with a pal," "volunteer" routine) as possible will get you "over" your loneliness. I always knew there was a big difference btwn. being alone and being lonely, but this is the first time anyone's given me license not to feel entirely responsible for my loneliness. I have long felt such anxiety and guilt and pressure to "fix myself"--that if I just "tried harder" I'd succeed in conquering loneliness. Reading the book hasn't fixed me--nor even given me hope that I'm "fixable"--but it has made me stop beating myself up quite so much.

I also like that she admits that she is still lonely, but that her debilitation was eased by finding a trusted partner. I've been told flat out in therapy that I have to learn to be OK "alone"--I've had plenty of relationships and was never not eventually lonely in them. I've long had the feeling that finding the right relationship (and I've not been in one for a long time, so I'm not "frantically" trying to find "the one" or any of that horse honeysuckle) w/someone I could really connect to would help me a great deal. There is a stigma of desperation around wanting a dependable, deep connection with at least one other person. I don't understand what the crime is.

 

[AuroraSkyGlasgow]

wonderful book very rare for me to buy an expensive hardback book but this was worth every penny. doesn't aim to be a self-help book and doesn't really offer solutions but made me feel like there were lots of others in the same boat as me, and that we weren't bad people for being alone.