Lonely even though I've got a boyfriend

[Ina]

Since two years I have a boyfriend and we also live together since nine month. I love him and he loves me - but although I'm not happy.
I feel sooo lonely because he isn't there for me the way I wish. I want to hand out more with him. The half day he's in university and
he spends the rest of the day by playing computer games. I often talked to him and said that I want to undertake more with him. He did
always say that he wants to change something - but he doesn't. I don't unterstand how he can do this to me if he knows that I'm so sad,
depressed and lonely. =(
Does anybody unterstand how I feel?

Sorry for my bad English, it's because im from Germany^^

 

[lonelygirl]

Hey Ina,

I totally know how you feel. (hugs)

Yes, I'm married and though I really do love my husband, there are many things that he neglects in our relationship.

May I ask your age and that of your boyfriend? Maybe he's immature. Maybe he's selfish. If you are not happy in this relationship, don't stay in it. It's bad for your mental health to be living with someone when it makes you unhappy.

I would consider giving it a few more efforts and if nothing resolves, just gather the strength to leave or ask him to move out. It's not worth suffering. Sometimes when relationships are broken, they cannot be repaired.

Hugs!!!

 

[Guest]

Thank you for your comment!
I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 24.
Everything fits together and our relationship makes me happy.
The only thing is that I feel so lonely sometimes.
I miss it to undertake something with him =(
I cannot leave him because I love him more than myself...
It's not good, but it's the truth =(

You're right:
My mental health is very enervated.
It's because I suffer from very hard depressions since I was 13...

 

[sweetestbaby]

You should see if you can find some activities that you would both enjoy together, even if it means finding a game on the computer you could play together. It would also be healthy to your relationship to have some quallity time where you can look at each other as you have deep conversation where there's no distractions such as TV, computer, etc..

 

[Guest]

Thank you for your tips!
You're right, I want to do something with him like talking - something in which we are close to each other!
Not something like playing computer or watching a film...
I like to go out into the nature - take a walk, play badminton, ride by bicycle, etc...
But he doesn't want to go out event though he likes it if we do it...

(Sorry, but I cannot express my feelings very well in English =( )

 

[lonely2beeme]

well if he wont go out and do the things you like then you must learn to do the things he likes a bit
if you want to stay with him, there are several online role laying games where you can have female characters
and he is male, you build a computer couple , i had bf 3who was addicted to games ,he was very addicted to the point he quit school and lives at home ,his parents take care of him and that all he does 15 hours a day is play games.
he wouldnt stop playing them for me but when i played with him ,he would talk to me for hours and hours about new weapons,armours,fighting techniques ,ways to make game money, levels ,goals i mean as long as it was about the games he spent hours and hours talking to me.
it wasent what i wanted but at the time the only other choice was that to break up and i couldnt
when i stopped playing the talking stopped and he started makeing new friends in the game to discuss stuff with after awhile the lonliness was too much.
so either learn to be a gameing girlfriend and share his hoby to get more time
or get out of it the relationship now while you can.
i will never date a gamer again, its a addiction just like drugs or alcohol they wont give it up for the people they love they would rather lose you than quit playing games and keep you much like a alcoholic to his drink vs you.
even tho they wont admit that is true ,it is.....give them a ultimatium and he wont quit the games and t does break your heart and make you feel worthless.im sorry i know its tough.

 

[Leon]

Taking the hobby as your own just to save the relationship? This is only a temporal solution, as it happened to lonely2beeme. In my opinion, anyone who prefers games over his girlfriend is just an idiot. There are millions of people in the world looking for a relationship; people who are willing to make everything for it to work. I am a gamer, but for me life is much more than games. I have interests in people, my studies, my family and life itself. It is terrible when someone conceals himself just in videogames, as there is just too much to lose!

I agree with the ultimatum idea: he needs to realize how much your relationship is important to him. It is worse for you to undergo such an unhappy relationship. If he does not bother, I know it will be hard, but you should dump him. Remember, getting out of a terrible relationship that you thought was perfect is hard. You'll have to deal with the illusions that you made about the relationship. The best way to handle is to hang out with your friends, meet people and go to parties. Finally you will succeed when you meet someone that really makes you happy!

 

[husky]

hey ina, you seem like a nice person. you should at least love yourself as much as you'd love another person. i agree with leon. right now it seems like you're totally depending on that guy for happiness. maybe he feels that is burden, maybe he doesn't really love you. you need to take charge, find some truth and find your own happiness.

 

[BrokenDreams]

Aww, I understand how you feel. The guy I like never seems to want to hang out with me. At times it feels like hes ignorning me since he never answers my calls or emails. He says he's not but I'm just not sure. It seems like he doesn't want to hang around with me. I'm thinking its because I'm so depressed.

 

[sweetestbaby]

This was a topic on the radio this morning and 2 things factored in.

-Whether he's really not interested or just lazy.
-If how long you've been with him can be measured in years or not.

Their solution was to break up with him to see if it will give him a wake-up call or not and a caller who went through the same thing also suggested it. The one seeking advice was in a relationship for almost 3 years and the caller who went through it took her own advice and two weeks later or so, her bf stopped being lazy and their relationship has gone on for at least 5 years.

 

[Guest]

Thank you all so much for the things you wrote!
I will take this to heart, think about what you wrote and maybe I can implement it!
It feels good to know that some of you understand how I feel =)

Yesterday, my boyfriend and me played together a game called singstar!
After it, we cooked together - the day was very romantic and much better than all the days last week =)

 

[Leon]

Then keep it up and that butthead out of selfish behaviour!