Lonely in a crowd...of potential relationships!

[TheSolitaryMan]

This is...so hard to explain, especially without sounding like I'm trying to pathetically inflate my ego. Believe me, if you'd seen me at my lowest ebbs of self-confidence, I'm more a specialist in self ego deflation

You know that "lonely in a crowd" thing? I've always had a profound understanding of that through experience.

Now I'm finding it's kinda the same when it comes to relationships, though it's self-imposed. I'm starting to realise that perhaps I'm not unlovable, it's just I'm not open to loving others.

I went on a night out earlier this evening for the first time in a while, just to go see some musicians. Was really good fun.

Throughout the night I managed to catch the eye of and flirt slightly (read: body language and gazes) with three pretty girls that seemed quite interested in me.

One in particular I had an intriguing moment with. I bumped into her in a doorway, she was shorter than me and had a sweet face. We shared this awesome eye-fixed glance close up, her mouth opened slightly...and then I had to move along. Sigh

I was talking with a friend recently, and she seemed to think from the impression I gave to her about it all that I was just not appearing attractive to women or something. I thought that sort of thing myself.

When I think about it rationally though, I realise that I can usually tell if a woman likes me quite soon after I meet them...and they actually seem to somewhat often.

The real problem seems to be there is so much choice, the opposite of what I used to think!

I'm so worried about finding the right girl, not offending anyone, being nice as I can to everyone that I just cannot seem to get the courage to ask a lady out, or actually do something more than share "the connection" with one :\

I've gone from thinking I'm totally hideous to a more realistic assessment that I'm not...and in fact it's more like I can't deal with women liking me. Really odd, but I just don't know what to do at all when it happens.

On the one hand, I'm surprised and flattered that these girls do show interest in me. Even amazed. But it's...so frustrating that I'm so useless at developing it.

Any help/advice/sympathy most appreciated. As long as it's not smug and along the lines of "get naked" or something, anyway!

 

[ninecrimes]

:club:

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I guess I should consider myself luckie or blessed when it comes to women.
That girl at summer camp was persistent on getting a kiss out of me.

My first GF @ 15...a summer of love and romance. My first love.
A cute little blonde with the most amazing blue eyes. Which kindda
set the tone/bar for the rest of the women in my life.
Yes..i was dumb founded as well. She was very pretty..prettier than all the girls
I've met or went to school with. It totally blew my mind.

As innocent and as young as we were. We had our moments alone after the first 5 mins
of meeting each other. We just play an arcade game that was in the lounge of a motel/resturant.
Her family was managing or rereninoting a motel near the air port.
We bascailly had the entire loung and motel to ourselve that night.
Her sister was dating my friend..and they were disappeared and left us alone.lmao

Yeah..it just start with us playing that vedio game. The ice breaker and bonding.
We would make body contact while joking and luaging play the game...
After we finish playing the game she grab my hand and lead me into the bawl room.
So showed me around then truned on the Jukebox. We slow dance all alone.
Then She kissed me. We both didnt know what the heck we were doing but
making up felt good. I saw her every day and night that entire summer.
We would go swimming at night or make out in different rooms.
She was very, very in love with me. As was with her.
We both thought it would last forever. She cried for me all the time.
Her family moved away. Life has a way of taking the ones i love away from me without my
permission or control. She called me 2 years after that to tell me happy birthday
or marry xmas. I'm grateful I had that experince with my first love.
In many ways it kind of messed me up...I was innocent and naieve.
I thought all girls would be sweet, kind and loving as her...especially the pretty ones.

At the sametime having that experince..I knew I was capiable of being loved
by the most beautiful, kind, loving woman.
This would be that selfesteem and confidence I have with other women.
Right out of the gate...My first GF was a Mrs Right.
It was pure...no drugs..no alcohol just a couple of kids in love.
Thats why i still remember her and a lot of moments i had with her.
I was presence in the moment with her going with the flow with her
I didnt what all of that being in the moment was..
I was naturally doing all the healthy thing a healthy person do in a relationship or living.
We didnt even know how to kiss right at first...but just made out more to practice
becuase it felt so..so so good to make out with her and just hold her.

It colure my personality a lot. It's one of the reason why I'm very romantic
and in love with love. It also

In other ways it kind of fucken me up becuase in so.. many ways I been trying to replace her.
Strange as it maybe...Renae looks almost just like her.

Anyway..
When i lost my virginity...It was that same.
Another summer of love and romance
This girl was drop dear goregouse. She was in the process of being a model.
I went to visit her at her house with a friend.
For some reason she found me interesting or attractive.
She spoke with me all night until everyone left but asked me to stay the night
with her. I was still kind of shock becuase I havnt lost my virginity.
She bascailly lead me by the hands. I got into bed with all my clothe on.lmao
She started kissing me and taught me about sex. It was a good experince for me.
I totally fell in love with her. I moved in with her for the entire summer.
I thought I would be with her forever...Still young and innocent in a lot of ways.
She was actaully the first woman to break my heart.

---

Anyway...my piont is...My ec wf asked me out too. Haha

By defualt...I dont put women on a pedelstal or Im not afraid of beautiufl women or their looks dont inttiminate me..

At the sametime I aloow my slef to be loved as who I am. I didnt have to be perfect...from learning how to kiss, make out to sex. It was all a learning process.. I also believe most if not all
women finds that innocent side of me attractive or cute.

Youi try Reading Positive enegry...
Theres 3 circle of energy.
1 youLre closed off...in retracted
2 yourre in the moment (intimatecy)
3 you think your better than...

What you want to do is get to 2....

From what I read of what you wrote...
youre in circle 1

---

For brift moment...you were in the moment with that girl.

Circle energy is bascailly EQUALITY.
No big I or Little U or No big U or little me....
In ither words shes just another human being just like you.
Therefore your wouldnt have any
confidence or self esteem issues.

If your awaer of this...and apply it with everyone you meet or women you wanna date...

It is the awaerness or state you want to be in.....

 

[Lonesome Crow]

If youre protecting energy 1 or 3 when you wanna meet a chcik...its not a good idea.

1 you think your less than...you repell people , reject people or close off people. IT all give the impression or vibe that your a whimp or dont have confidence.

3 people repell you ..becuase nobody likes to be treated less than.. Dom definitely dont want to intiminate a woman you wanna get to know..
People with Low selfesteem put down others to make themslef feel better...

Circle 2....is when you can create connection or intematcy.

Circle 3 might serve you well in other situations..such as you dont wanna be
pushed around by thugs or unhealthy people you wish not to get invovled with.

Circle 1 might serve you...if you wanna disappear into the crowd and not draw attention to you...or just chill out.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

:club:

You changed this post? I remember reading something quite interesting before this strange edit appeared :\

Anyway, I forgot I even made this thread. I still get this weird feeling.

It's like I'm either quite attractive to girls but I'm crap at using it, or I'm not attractive at all and I'm imagining that I have this sort of mind-boggling choice. Still haven't figured it out yet

 

[AJR]

I hear you. Most people I meet in person think me funny and charming and I dunno where it comes from or how to use it to my advantage. I guess there are worse things lol