Lonely is Good

[morrowrd]

In answer to the previous participant, my point is that loneliness can be good when used to help at meditation.  In other words, loneliness presents an opportunity.  The opportunity I mentioned. In that case, lonely is good.

You are still confusing lonely and alone.

I agree.  Although I believe I know what he is trying to describe; a silver lining.  Loneliness isn't the same thing as being alone, or solitude, the former being something that isn't a choice.  Being alone, being in solitude, can go with a person who is lonely, but to an introvert, or a loner - being alone is a necessity, and is a comfort zone, it is a conscious decision.

The lonely person who decides to use the position they're in to better themselves, is actively trying to take their situation and make use of it.  Although I still believe that the person still feels the sting loneliness causes - but has mitigated the overall, in a sense turning the lonely situation into an opportunity to work on 'other things.'

 

[Finished]

The lonely person who decides to use the position they're in to better themselves, is actively trying to take their situation and make use of it.  Although I still believe that the person still feels the sting loneliness causes - but has mitigated the overall, in a sense turning the lonely situation into an opportunity to work on 'other things.'

Bingo!

 

[August Campbell]

Thank you to the two previous participants. At least the two of you see what I'm driving at.  Solitude is good for Buddhist Meditation--that's why lonely is good.

 

[Azariah]

I agree that being alone can give you some time to reflect and ponder about life.

 

[morrowrd]

Thank you to the two previous participants. At least the two of you see what I'm driving at.  Solitude is good for Buddhist Meditation--that's why lonely is good.

I don't believe lonely is a good thing.  Sure, you can make the most of any situation, but it never compensates for the pain caused by loneliness. We're talking apples and oranges when comparing loneliness to being alone. There are a great many people, probably the majority of lonely people out there, are lonely for reasons they can't control, and any amount of meditation isn't going to be the snake oil they're looking for.  Any self-improvement is a positive use for the alone time, but does it make the loneliness go away?  I'd like to hear from a lonely person on this forum who is lonely for reasons I mentioned, and if there is some sort of life system they're using to dull the pain.

 

[TheRealCallie]

There are a great many people, probably the majority of lonely people out there, are lonely for reasons they can't control.

I'm not sure I'd agree with this.

 

[Finished]

I'm not sure I'd agree with this.

So, what's new? Ha! ha!

 

[August Campbell]

...for reasons they can't control.

Are you referring specifically to Asperger's syndrome and Autism?

 

[TheRealCallie]

...for reasons they can't control.

Are you referring specifically to Asperger's syndrome and Autism?

That's not an uncontrollable reason.  :club:

 

[August Campbell]

...for reasons they can't control.

Are you referring specifically to Asperger's syndrome and Autism?

That's not an uncontrollable reason.

Actually I was asking Morrowrd-- because it was Morrowrd who stated that some things cannot be controlled.  So I was asking him if he was referring specifically to that particular syndrome.

 

[TheRealCallie]

...for reasons they can't control.

Are you referring specifically to Asperger's syndrome and Autism?

That's not an uncontrollable reason.

Actually I was asking Morrowrd-- because it was Morrowrd who stated that some things cannot be controlled.  So I was asking him if he was referring specifically to that particular syndrome.

Doesn't matter who you were asking.  morrowrd said the majority of lonely people and being as autistic people don't corner the market on being lonely and they aren't the majority of people, lonely or otherwise, he can't possibly mean that.
So it was unnecessary to even refer to those with ASD.  Why did you?

 

[morrowrd]

...for reasons they can't control.

Are you referring specifically to Asperger's syndrome and Autism?

That's not an uncontrollable reason.

Actually I was asking Morrowrd-- because it was Morrowrd who stated that some things cannot be controlled.  So I was asking him if he was referring specifically to that particular syndrome.

No, I wasn't referring to aspergers syndrome, although we can chat about that. Those of us with aspergers can adapt with a little work - such as myself.

When I speak about loneliness and the pain many struggle with, the examples are too many to list.  We aren't talking about being alone here, I'm referring to social isolation some people are trapped in, and have no idea how to get out.  Seeing others enjoying things like romantic relationships, having a group of friends, helll - even having ONE friend to talk to.  Being invited out clubbing, to other homes for dinner and game nights, the list goes on - and there they are alone and that weight sometimes hurts. It's much like a person starving to death - and the suggestion of meditation to me sounds like Peter Pan telling his band to imagine a table full of food, and then it appears.  A starving person can smell the scent of a Big Mac probably so much better than a person who just ate lunch.  It doesn't help take the pain away, it just increases a sense of desire.

 

[MsIslander]

How interesting that many mindset gurus and writers who are actually idolized by many in this society, they always say: "Human's nature is to be with someone. If you still think that being lonely is ok for you, means you are lying to yourself." I heard that many times. Hell, I disagree. I love being lonely and alone. I am not against to have friends, but I am all up to live on the island where is no or very little people, doing gardening, reading books and swimming in the ocean. Of course, some stuff I can't reject and live in full isolation, like the internet, Netflix, but still, it's good to be a lonely lion.

 

[morrowrd]

How interesting that many mindset gurus and writers who are actually idolized by many in this society, they always say: "Human's nature is to be with someone. If you still think that being lonely is ok for you, means you are lying to yourself." I heard that many times. Hell, I disagree. I love being lonely and alone. I am not against to have friends, but I am all up to live on the island where is no or very little people, doing gardening, reading books and swimming in the ocean. Of course, some stuff I can't reject and live in full isolation, like the internet, Netflix, but still, it's good to be a lonely lion.

You aren't lonely, you're choosing to be alone.  I can't stand being around people myself, I hate nosiness, gossiping, bullshit small talk, and I don't like people visiting me either.  I'm a loner, and I like being and doing things by myself.   That's NOT loneliness, what you're talking about isn't loneliness. You're making a choice, I'm making a choice.

The phrase "I'm lonely" usually refers to a person who craves company.  Not a person enjoying being alone.

 

[MsIslander]

How interesting that many mindset gurus and writers who are actually idolized by many in this society, they always say: "Human's nature is to be with someone. If you still think that being lonely is ok for you, means you are lying to yourself." I heard that many times. Hell, I disagree. I love being lonely and alone. I am not against to have friends, but I am all up to live on the island where is no or very little people, doing gardening, reading books and swimming in the ocean. Of course, some stuff I can't reject and live in full isolation, like the internet, Netflix, but still, it's good to be a lonely lion.

You aren't lonely, you're choosing to be alone.  I can't stand being around people myself, I hate nosiness, gossiping, bullshit small talk, and I don't like people visiting me either.  I'm a loner, and I like being and doing things by myself.   That's NOT loneliness, what you're talking about isn't loneliness. You're making a choice, I'm making a choice.

The phrase "I'm lonely" usually refers to a person who craves company.  Not a person enjoying being alone.

You are right. Thank you

 

[August Campbell]

Previously the other participant, Morrowrd, wrote that loneliness is comparable to food-starvation.  But I have to differ. Because the difference is that food starvation is life threatening.  A human can survive without food from 8 to 21 days, after which his biological system rapidly breaks down and the person dies.

In comparison a human can live as a hermit totally alone for weeks and months and even years, but he'll survive.  
So a food-starving person will die but a lonely person will survive.

 

[priscella]

At this point I do not know if I agree with any of you and it depends on the situation "I think".  If your in a real green and beautiful environment and alone -one appreciates it and glad to be alone. But if your in the slums or something then maybe one might want another person to talk to so in my judgement it is not clear here. Now personal opinions matter and if you like being alone--so be it---but there are moments in life you might need people so do not give up on them so readily. Like for instance at the end of your life you would like to leave your stuff or personals to someone rather than just leaving it for the junk man or woman. Or maybe you have a pet --maybe a bird or a cat or dog and they are young you would like to know there are people in your life who would take care of it. Everybody I think has something special -- a book, a ornament or something they treasure even a picture hung on a wall that you might be concerned about. I do not know the answer but when I get many people contacts in life--I wish to be alone.  But when I am alone I wish to have contact with some people--this is me and i guess everybody has a different view but for sure it was a good subject to ponder on..thanks  priscella

 

[August Campbell]

When Morrowrd commented on the Buddhist meditation, I don't know whether he felt chagrin or pleasure.  It could be interpreted either way.  So far I've seen only one other participant on this forum who meditates the same as I do.  Apparently he gets the same benefits too.  So as can be seen, being alone in solitude is helpful and conducive to meditational progress, which is why lonely is good.

 

[TheRealCallie]

When Morrowrd commented on the Buddhist meditation, I don't know whether he felt chagrin or pleasure.  It could be interpreted either way.  So far I've seen only one other participant on this forum who meditates the same as I do.  Apparently he gets the same benefits too.  So as can be seen, being alone in solitude is helpful and conducive to meditational progress, which is why lonely is good.

I meditate.  No one is saying meditation can't be helpful or isn't helpful.  What you are failing to understand, even after being told repeatedly, is that there is a difference between loneliness and being alone.  

And again, ALONE is different than LONELY.  Loneliness is NOT good, but alone can be.

 

[priscella]

August Campbell:  I can agree with that if your at a stage in your life to where you wish for self development and a higher plateau to reach whether it is by meditation or not for people have other ways. This depends on your belief system and nothing is wrong here if it is your thing so to speak. Our older books are filled with thought of self development and enlightenment and in this instance it is best for one to be alone.. But in other cases it is detrimental for people to be completely alone for they feel unwanted and unappreciated so it is a problem especially when the tears roll down faces of young people because no one ever calls them on the telephone----this is loneliness and very hard to snap out of unless you have a peer group supporting but peer groups don't rightly appear on demand and there are other considerations as well---depressions because of other factors in ones life that is hard to put a finger on. But good for you if you found a way through meditation to enjoy your life by being alone..