Lonely is Good

[TropicalStarfish]

After seeing in another thread, the post from a suicidal male, it even further cements my belief in solitude. That other male is suicidal just because he cannot get a girlfriend. That's what craving is. Difference between want and craving. While it's alright to want something, but when it becomes to craving, then it becomes mental anguish. Agonizing. What's monumentally ironic is that he desperately craves for a girlfriend whereas I myself was not looking for any at all but I got one Unintentionally. Even though I was not looking for a gf at all, I still went with the flow because I had a lot of fun with her. But as much fun as it was, it still remained celibate, because I don't have any arousal in that vein. It left my girlfriend sorely disappointed, to the point where we eventually split up. Maybe I'm an Asexual because I don't have any arousal in that vein.
The way I see it, though, being Asexual is actually a tremendous blessing to me because I practice a form of Buddhist monasticism whose aim is to reduce emotions as much as possible. Seen in that light, sex would be too Overstimulating. I found that too much stimulation can lead to craving and frustration. So being Asexual is a tremendous blessing. The awful damage of Overstimulation also applies to video-games so I stay away from those too.
The Buddhist lesson is about Overstimulation in general so the idea is to eliminate emotion as much as possible. Seen in that light, being Asexual is a distinct advantage.

No more Sheila

I respectfully say, I think you are a fool. Takes one to know one perhaps; but... Sheila was so cool, I don't even know her, and I think she was cool.

The Middle Way is about balance.

 

[TheSkaFish]

The Middle Way is about balance.

Gave you a "like", not for saying OP was a fool but for the idea of balance.

I'm not sure if "the Middle Way" is a proper term, I think it is because you capitalized it and I think I remember the phrase from history class.

But this is something I've realized lately more and more, as a general idea. So many things in life seem to be all about balance - not being just one way, all the time. That way does seem to be the wisest and happiest and I wish I realized it sooner.

Maybe I should become a Gray Jedi

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Gave you a "like", not for saying OP was a fool but for the idea of balance.

I'm not sure if "the Middle Way" is a proper term, I think it is because you capitalized it and I think I remember the phrase from history class.

But this is something I've realized lately more and more, as a general idea. So many things in life seem to be all about balance - not being just one way, all the time. That way does seem to be the wisest and happiest and I wish I realized it sooner.

Maybe I should become a Gray Jedi

He WILL restore balance. He IS the chosen one!

I hadn't read any of the material containing qui gong; but, he was a pretty likeable Jedi.

 

[randomguy]

No more Sheila

I respectfully say, I think you are a fool. Takes one to know one perhaps; but... Sheila was so cool, I don't even know her, and I think she was cool.

The Middle Way is about balance.

I gave you a like because I agree that the OP is a fool. Poor wee Sheila had a very lucky escape imo.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I gave you a like because I agree that the OP is a fool. Poor wee Sheila had a very lucky escape imo.

Wasn't she the one that wore skimpy bathing suits? She doesn't sound "cool"...she sounds

 

[TropicalStarfish]

I gave you a like because I agree that the OP is a fool. Poor wee Sheila had a very lucky escape imo.

Nothing personal against @August Campbell ...

Anywho, back on-topic...

 

[randomguy]

Wasn't she the one that wore skimpy bathing suits? She doesn't sound "cool"...she sounds

Hahah, I think she liked to play tennis in leotards or something. Hopefully she's met someone who's not so deeply offended by her
joie de vivre

 

[August Campbell]

Nothing personal against @August Campbell ...

Thank you. It seems to be a Misunderstanding among the posters. Because I'm not complaining at all. Instead, I'm relieved at the break up. Because I'm not into physical-intimacy at all. But Sheila wanted it, so I had to break up. As a result, I'm at peace now.

 

[MrLonely86]

Lonely is good indeed. Imagine when you die and be born again, you need to share planet with 120 billion people. XD I wish I was only human on planet ...... So yeah, lonely is good. <3

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Loneliness and Solitude I think are different things.
Solitude can be good, Loneliness is its unenlightened brother.
While it is true that solitude can be good for sorting yourself out, it is also true that too much solitude can be dangerous to mental health and the mind.
This is because humans are conditioned to be social.
When we're alone for too long, that social dependency gradually shifts from a whisper on the wind to the roar of a waterfall.
It is particularly challenging at that point, even if you expect it logically before hand, because you are used to that natural state of social dependency.
The longest that I have ever been alone was also at the time in my life where I needed social dependency the most.
It is like quicksand, the more that you fight it, the harder it gets.
Navigating the hallucinations was perhaps the most challenging part.
Loneliness is a form of suffering, whereas Solitude is an escape or refrain from the opposite of the suffering of loneliness.
Whereas loneliness comes from desire, solitude is a choice that people make to resolve the suffering that is caused by crowdedness.
Finding the middle ground, is perhaps both the most ideal, and the trickiest part.

 

[NotThrivingStillSmiling]

hmm,there is a massive gulf between being alone (a physical state) and feeling lonely/loneliness (an emotional state)..

as you rightly point out you can be on a mountain and feel connected to every living person and creature on the planet(and you don't need to be a Buddhist monk to experience that!) . you can be in a crowd of a ten thousand people and feel utterly lonely. We are homo sapiens, one of at least x30types of documented humans to have walked the earth. homo erectus managed 2million years in harmony with the planet. sapiens evolved as foragers and hunter gathers, we are designed to be in social groups of x50/x150 with strong social bonds and free and abundant resources everywhere. we aren't designed for walls and chasing currency and having to validate our existence..

 

[August Campbell]

It's quite clear from the post of the fellow from the other separate thread that his desire for a girlfriend has worsened from just a want to a craving. At that point, it becomes painful, even agonizing--in other words, just as painful as the craving of an alcoholic. Interesting that the other gent feels so desperate for another relationship when he had already experienced a marriage. Because in My case, I'm more than satisfied with the relationships I already had. Those two were more than enough. Even just one was enough, but the Universe was insistent on giving me another one.
To tell you the truth, I was not even looking for any relationship in the first place, but those two happened anyway. Maybe that's the key, that is, to not desire too desperately. In fact, I've seen that particular advice presented in some YouTube videos, such as Miyamoto Musashi.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Interesting that the other gent feels so desperate for another relationship when he had already experienced a marriage. Because in My case, I'm more than satisfied with the relationships I already had. Those two were more than enough. Even just one was enough, but the Universe was insistent on giving me another one.

I would say it's more common to want a relationship than it is to not want a relationship for most of the human beings on this planet.
Though, with Sheila, I would say you didn't want a relationship, you wanted someone who would do what you say when you say and not deviate from it. That's not a relationship, that's controlling and abusive. Sorry, not sorry.

Perhaps you should get a dog.....

 

[MrLonely86]

You need more time to cook egg then average relationship lasts.

 

[August Campbell]

I would say it's more common to want a relationship than it is to not want a relationship for most of the human beings on this planet.
Though, with Sheila, I would say you didn't want a relationship, you wanted someone who would do what you say when you say and not deviate from it. That's not a relationship, that's controlling and abusive. Sorry, not sorry.

Perhaps you should get a dog.....

No, it was not me. Instead it was Sheila who was controlling. She was extremely jealous about me just even talking to another Woman. For example, when a Woman (possibly a tourist) asked me for directions to an address, I helped her. At that moment, Sheila got infuriated at me talking to a Woman. But all I did was help someone find a particular address. What's wrong with that?

As you can see, her jealousy bordered on paranoia. So I ended the relationship. What a relief.

Now I'm lucky because I have a new tennis partner, a gent, so I won't have any problems. So I'm thankful now. Even grateful.

 

[August Campbell]

You need more time to cook egg then average relationship lasts.

While I acknowledge your point, I differ with it. Because every situation is different. Especially in situations which have drama. And sometimes it's a matter of Incompatibility, which applied in my case. But while it lasted, mine was fun. When it comes to companions of the opposite gender, namely, ladies, I prefer them as just friends only. No relationships but just friendship only, is preferable for me. So I don't see why the gent in the other thread feels so desperate for a relationship to the point that he gets upset about so-called friend-zoning. Friend-zoning is better because it prevents drama. It has that advantage.

 

[August Campbell]

Loneliness and Solitude I think are different things.
Solitude can be good, Loneliness is its unenlightened brother.
While it is true that solitude can be good for sorting yourself out, it is also true that too much solitude can be dangerous to mental health and the mind.
This is because humans are conditioned to be social.
When we're alone for too long, that social dependency gradually shifts from a whisper on the wind to the roar of a waterfall.
It is particularly challenging at that point, even if you expect it logically before hand, because you are used to that natural state of social dependency.
The longest that I have ever been alone was also at the time in my life where I needed social dependency the most.
It is like quicksand, the more that you fight it, the harder it gets.
Navigating the hallucinations was perhaps the most challenging part.
Loneliness is a form of suffering, whereas Solitude is an escape or refrain from the opposite of the suffering of loneliness.
Whereas loneliness comes from desire, solitude is a choice that people make to resolve the suffering that is caused by crowdedness.
Finding the middle ground, is perhaps both the most ideal, and the trickiest part.

In your post, you mentioned You experienced hallucinations. What sort of hallucinations? Can you describe them?

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

In your post, you mentioned You experienced hallucinations. What sort of hallucinations? Can you describe them?

I spent 3 months totally alone once.
No television, no game console, no internet, all my friends had moved out of town, and I was scraping by on half of my former paycheck to finish paying out my lease. I went to work, went to the grocery store, and that was it. My car was broken for about 3 of those weeks as well, so I was walking 2 miles to work, standing for 9 hours, and walking 2 miles back.
I did a lot of heavy drinking at that time. I was going through a breakup from a relationship that spanned 2/3rds of my life . I also wasn't eating much. To the point that I remember finding a bag of peppermint candies in the the kitchen and rationing them out. Some weeks I wouldn't eat at all, and I'd only eat on the weekends, with a lot of whiskey in the between.
I talked to exactly 1 person during that 90 day time period. An old friend online I used to talk to on Skype.
I used to talk to myself in my apartment in the hallway and in the kitchen just to hear a voice.
I knew in my right mind that there was nobody there and that the shadow people I would see weren't really there, but I was very much not in my right mind during that time. People are so socially isolated now that I would even talk to myself at the grocery store sometimes. That actually became a habit that took me about a year to stop. I didn't realized I'd normalized it as I had. Under enough psychological and physical stress, hallucinations occur. The whole of the experience is sort of brain fogged over now, as it's been nearly 10 years since then. That was probably about the closest I ever got to actually killing myself. Skype friend told me she was beginning to worry because I had far too much self control to endure what I was enduring at the length that I was enduring it for.
The thing is, that going into it, I never thought it would be as bad as it got.
I thought it'd just be a couple months to myself and everything would be fine, that I'd save money by not having internet and eating less. And while that part was true, The first part definitely was not true. My family when I moved back home at the end of it, told me I looked like I'd just been released from an institution because I was slim, and hardly talking besides whispering to myself. I thought that was ironic and funny, because they were saying I looked like I got released from one, and I was feeling like maybe I should be going into one.
Gradually, with proper food and rest, and some minimal but to moderate socializing, I got better.

 

[August Campbell]

@NoxApex(N/A)
What an ordeal you experienced. But also what a relief that you endured! In my case, how I endure it is by realizing the universal truth that everyone's life is both joy and pain. It's something that everybody has. No exceptions. In other words, heaven and hell are not separate places but instead co-exist side by side. They are both sides of the same coin. So that's obviously why we all have both joy and pain. It's reality. And acceptance of that reality is stoicism.

 

[August Campbell]

How lucky I am that I have a specific purpose in life. As the quotation goes, "A good life is not found in comfort but instead in fighting for what you believe in."