Lonely lately.. :(

[gambit258870]

I am just writing my thoughts down, and I enjoy it more if I type them

Im a Junior in High School and, from what I've seen, most kids in my class are just plain ignorant/retarded. I've never been too patient with those who model themselves after a celebrity or watch nothing but T.V. I'd rather go for a walk, talk to someone about world events, practice my chess, or just read.

In these past 4-5 months I've had an overwhelming plague of loneliness cloud my head. Oh, how I long for someone to play basketball or chess with, to walk with me, to hold, someone I can cry on, a best friend. I feel as if there is an enormous worm eating at my heart, and my sanity.

When I do think of holding someone, just being with anybody who I can just call my own, I cannot help but cry like a baby. My childhood companion was killed in a motor accident long ago, and my most recent friend has moved away. Not saying that these are the only people I've known, but these are the few who I was able to talk to about anything, tell my secrets to. My father had lost his mind when I was a child so my mother and he obviously split up. Then, after having another fantastic father figure enter my life - he leaves.

Perhaps it is a matter of trust, or insecurity - I do not know - What I do know is that I will give anything just to have someone by my side. A hand to hold onto, someone I can walk down the street with late at night, just fancying the stars. This emptiness has had such a devastating effect on my school life. Straight D's this quarter. Worst I've ever done in my life.

I remember a dream - I had the trigger to a Nuclear Missile in my hands, and in the distance was a city filled with millions. Then the choice came upon me: Pull the trigger and you will forever have someone by your side, but you will destroy the city; Don't pull the trigger and you will continue to feel such emptiness throughout the rest of your life. I woke up crying because I pulled the trigger.

If you read this long passage - thanks. Perhaps you can offer me some advice on what I can do to fill this black hole.

 

[SilentThinker]

It is hard on you.Sorry to hear what you are going through.I always interested in things that people are not interested in.There was a fuss about an online game and I knew nothing about it.My friends would talk about it all day and I would be staring at them blankly.

Ever since my asthma been acting,I cannot participate in physical sports that I used to play and it makes things even more difficult for me.Things like soccer and I cannot play.The only advice I could give is to connect with people's interests.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Sound like you need to come to terms with your father's insanity.

you sound like the college type. I get the feeling you'll fit in more when you go out to college.

You're young, you'll find someone, Just put yourself out there n_n

In the meantime, we are all here to support you

 

[Nyktimos]

Hi Gambit. I did read the passage, and it wasn't that long at all, but it did seem heartfelt. I'm sorry you have these feelings of loneliness. I can't offer much advice, but I wish you the very best and hope that you like yourself enough to find people to relate to, and don't condemn yourself to loneliness. People do come and go in life, and the temptation to stop connecting with them at all can be strong, but it is worth it.

 

[TheCrow]

Hey Gambit,

I'm really sorry you're alone at the moment, but as far as I've found out for myself the best thing to do is go out, and try to connect with people. Not necessarily at the same time, since gong to a movie or something isn't the best way to meet someone, but when I'm so lonely I feel I could just disappear, it helps me a lot to just go and take a walk downtown, maybe stop at a coffee shop, grab some sort of drink that isn't coffee, and read a book or something. The fresh air always seems to help, and sometimes you meet interesting people there, if not well.. good thing you brought a book.

As for connecting to people, since you are in high school I would advise join clubs. Hopefully your school has a chess club, and since you said you like to practice chess I'm going to assume you are in one. Anyway, maybe try to connect with some of the other players during games, have some conversation going and form a group of friends there. Chess clubs are a good place to find intelligent, aware people, because the vast majority of the population won't have the patience or intelligence to play a good game.

That's the best I got, if you aren't in any clubs, join some! It never hurts to get involved, sure you may start as an outsider but the longer you stay the more people you know and the more comfortable you will be.

I wish you the best of luck in finding that significant other, I know we all hope to find one. It's difficult during high school because things are still so very superficial, but keep faith, your actions come back to you eventually.

 

[gambit258870]

Hey Gambit,

I'm really sorry you're alone at the moment, but as far as I've found out for myself the best thing to do is go out, and try to connect with people. Not necessarily at the same time, since gong to a movie or something isn't the best way to meet someone, but when I'm so lonely I feel I could just disappear, it helps me a lot to just go and take a walk downtown, maybe stop at a coffee shop, grab some sort of drink that isn't coffee, and read a book or something. The fresh air always seems to help, and sometimes you meet interesting people there, if not well.. good thing you brought a book.

As for connecting to people, since you are in high school I would advise join clubs. Hopefully your school has a chess club, and since you said you like to practice chess I'm going to assume you are in one. Anyway, maybe try to connect with some of the other players during games, have some conversation going and form a group of friends there. Chess clubs are a good place to find intelligent, aware people, because the vast majority of the population won't have the patience or intelligence to play a good game.

That's the best I got, if you aren't in any clubs, join some! It never hurts to get involved, sure you may start as an outsider but the longer you stay the more people you know and the more comfortable you will be.

I wish you the best of luck in finding that significant other, I know we all hope to find one. It's difficult during high school because things are still so very superficial, but keep faith, your actions come back to you eventually.

Heh, interesting you brought up the chess club. This year I was a hair away from dropping enrollment and taking an online class. Reason? I thought getting the lower half of school out of the way earlier would put me out there sooner. What kept me from doing just that is joining the chess club. The first two weeks I was there I was nominated team captain! Unfortunately I feel as if the team could give a crap of how their last chess game went, or appreciate it at all. It has certainly helped a great amount, but I wish it could be taken more seriously my classmates.

Thanks so much for your replies

 

[Katia]

When I first read your post, I thought that you said that you were in junior high school. I was wondering how someone so young could write so well. lol Then I read the first line again.

Find something to focus on and do it. It will distract you from the real world for awhile. It would sure help me.

I don't think there is any cure for loneliness. Wouldn't it be great if there was?

 

[Solace]

My goodness. Did you just plug a print into my head and print out all my thoughts?

But yes so much of what you said.

In these past 4-5 months I've had an overwhelming plague of loneliness cloud my head. Oh, how I long for someone to play basketball or chess with, to walk with me, to hold, someone I can cry on, a best friend. I feel as if there is an enormous worm eating at my heart, and my sanity.

Around christmas I started feeling this more acutely than i've ever felt this. It has always been with me but about then up till now, as evening falls I feel as if I am waiting for someone. it is eating away at my hope, my countenance.

I search and I pray but this is a hole that even God cannot fill.

What I do know is that I will give anything just to have someone by my side. A hand to hold onto, someone I can walk down the street with late at night, just fancying the stars.

I cannot say how much I want this. But how does one find a person like that? I can't be just anyone. it has to be someone you can truely connect with.

I've lost a lot more friends than I care to remember, from either growing apart, blatant rejection and hurt, moving away...

And still I feel as if I am waiting for someone. That one person who will be loyal to me, that person that I matter to in a unique way. And it's not romantic. It's just a strong bond that will last for a life time, even when we both grow up and marry different people.

When I say i'm waiting for someone people tell me it' must be my soulmate. But don't tell me that love is the only place to find a kindred sprit, because that place has been built on such rocky ground.