lonely-me-evil-you

[TheWrathof_Jay]

hi! i have not posted much so far it has mainly been reading and the odd comment so,
im Jamie
i had a lot of trouble and abuse while at school but i managed to get a few close friends that kept me going, but from that point i have always questioned what was wrong with me?
when i got to college it wasnt long before i fell in love and moved in with my dream woman who turned out to be a b*tch as she cheated on me for the duration which i didnt find out untill the day i left her (go figure)
soon after this event i was viciously mugged
i am shy as hell and can get anxious/worked up even in the company of close friends, i hate meeting new people, or being around people as i have no trust and little faith in human nature. i used to smoke a lot of pot for about 10 years which i am fighting to keep off of now. i have insomnia i get migraines and im frequently run down/ fatigued.

most of the time i hate myself and what i have become but other times i think im f*cking amazing why doesnt everyone love me?

im confused to an apex and i dont even know what im trying to achieve by this but i am lonely as anything and have noone to talk to. this is not my entire life report but i have tried to open up

 

[Dwi]

hey jamie,

I feel yer pain. have had my share of troubles, but this thread is not about me it's about you.

You should consider starting from scratch, a meaningfull press on the reset button in your controller. I'm speaking figuratively here, but im sure you know what I mean. No, I don't think you're a fresia-up. You have had a rough ride, but that's how life is, she's a *****. She's the biggest troll. She's the big kahuna. She's the godfather. She's the final boss on immposible mode. We can't beat life, but we sure as hell can try. I'm pretty sure you've got what it takes to give life a run for her money, so tell me....

What are your options?
What do you want to do?

when you hit rock bottom, there's only one way left to go.


D

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I used to be a pothead in HS. I finally had opportunity to be with a very loving person in my Senior year of HS.
She died on Easter Sunday and I totally check the fresia out. Later that summer I lost my virginity to a super model.
I thought she would be my one and only...until she threw all of my belongings on my parents front yard
My mother was actaully happy to see her son home. I was missing in action getting action.
Well..that kind of left a couple of dents in my heart...so, I check the fresia out.

Then I ran into trouble oneday. Her name was Lois and she made me feel like superman.
She was hawt looking blonde with personalities and a nympho. What else can a 18 year old kid as for?
Too bad my best couldn't keep his dick in his own pocket. Too bad she was my fiancee.
Lois was a very loving and kind person. She was never mean to me.
She cried her heart out for the mistakes she had done. She said she was drunk at the time.
Err...I've been fucken drunk before. I couldn't trun to my best friend either...
That event smaHED the honeysuckle out of the trust I have in people. They were the two closest people in my life at that time.
I really , really had to check check the fresia.

Then oneday..after getting into a bar fight over some chick. Actaully i wasn't fighting over her. She was drunker
than a skunk. She stumble on to me and started making out with me. I was actually waiting for another babe to
retrive her car to take me back to her place....Anyhow, it was the first time I got arrested.
So after getting bailed out of jail....I promise myself..."NO more WOmen" They're freaKen trouble...
Of course...life is a trip becuase that very same day my Ex-wf asked me out.

I totally fell head over heels for her. That's why i married her.
However the world was tear us apart. There was just so much hate surrounding us.
I really waNted to trust and love again inspite of it all.
Deviocing her ripped me apart in more ways than one.
I checked, checked the fresia out..
I spent the next 2 years of my life partying, getting totally wasted. I had a great paying job
but I was totally ripped and torn on the inside. On the outside people was saying I had my honeysuckle
together. Yeah I was that guy with the chicks, money and loaded all the time.

But all I really wanted was to trust and love again.

Anyway...I finally got clean and sober.
It was a month after my ex-wife called me. She told me that she loves me very much
and she will always love me.

I went through a break up from a long term relationship of 12 years, in recovery.
She turned into a major psycho *****.
I didn't get drunk or high over it.

Jenni died 2 years ago. I love and trust Jenni very much. I didn't get drunk or high over that either.
Getting messed up or hating myself won't bring her back to life...
Inspite of it all...I didn't messed up. I love and trust myself.

 

[TheWrathof_Jay]

well, i know what i want to do. im moving out as soon as the new place is ready but its so frustrating having to wait. i started a new job not so long ago so i gues i have already started turning things around. i was thinking of seeing a doctor but im not sure what good it would do. i tend to supress all my problems and i dont tend to suffer from them day to day its just every now and then when it all seeps out.