long lonely spring/summer evenings

[one lonely guy]

Especially now that the days are long (for us N. hemisphere folks anyway). How do you deal with the evenings?

I'm completely able to keep myself occupied throughout the day, but come about 5pm, the loneliness (and resulting ruminating & depression) hits me like a Mack truck. A severe shortage of reliable friends largely is the cause.

I've attended evening support groups twice weekly, but I'm burning out on those, and hiking groups I belong to require me to drive ~60mi one way to get there - rather expensive and time-consuming, not to mention that I don't network with local people I might befriend. I'm making some tentative plans with a few people in other groups to mitigate this problem, but it's a slow tedious process.

I absolutely hate sitting by my lonesome in my apartment on lovely spring/summer evenings!

Any ideas welcome!
olg

 

[DayvanCowboy]

I absolutely hate sitting by my lonesome in my apartment on lovely spring/summer evenings!

Me too. *sigh* This spring and summer is going to be so bad. The thing is, I don't have any ideas . Sorry, but I haven't had any for the past two years and I would love to hear some ideas as well.

 

[Brian]

I can relate to you completely.

I live up in North Idaho, where spring and summer is all about being outside and on the river/lake or up in the mountains or just out and about. Together. Everything around me turns into this big reminder that I'm single and have no friends my own age, or any friends at all outside of my profession.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

yeap...I go to support groups almost everyday and I feel burned out of them.
Yeap...I dont watch much TV

Go out for a simple walk and watch the sunset.
I ride my bike almost everyday.
Go window shoping
Sometimes I'll just go to Mc Danalds by myself ...just so i dont sit home alone.
Or I'll go wash and clean my car.
I used to go sit at a park bench and watch the babes go jogging.
I'm starting to jog again.
Sometimes a buddy and i just go sit at Denny's, have coffee and watch the babes come out of a little night club
I used to go to the luandry mat every Thurday night becuase the colleges babes wash their clothe on Thursdaynight.lol
Maybe get a stunt kite and take it to the park or something.
I use to have an R/C 10gt nitro remote control car...I used to just take it to the park and launch it around.
Sometimes I'll take it to an empty parking lot at night ....it gose 45 MPH
They make R/C cars 60 mph out of the box now...lol
Maybe just go hang out at a local mall...watch the babes go shoping..lol
Maybe go hang out at startbuck...lol
If there's a book store in your area try hanging out there.


Right now I'm working on a simple program of LETTING GO...It's something new I came across but it's not a new concept to me..
Oh well....whatever to keep from going crazy...lmao
It's working and helping...

It's simple...anyone can do it.

Whatever unwanted feelings you have...Just drop it as if you're droping an object out of your hands.
Such as the feeling of Loneiness...I just Drop it or let it go.
I don't question it or analyze it...I just let it go.
No forgiveness..No if this or that..no right, no worngs, no praying, no truning it over to god....JUST SIMPLY DROP IT.lol
It's keeping me bussy..lol
I've been applying it to whatever unwanted feelings or pains i have of people, fears....etc
I feel more peaceful

 

[Brian]

Figured I might as well talk some on how I deal with it, before I go to bed.

Summer and spring around here are definitely better with company. But that doesn't mean I can't occasionally enjoy it to myself. I like to sometimes treat myself after a long tiring day, and just be thankful. Thankful that I can take care of myself and that I at least have something in life. A foothold to call my own, and plans to make it larger. I like to sit outside and just kick back with a cigar, or maybe a glass of wine, or even just a tasty sandwich. I admire the neighborhood, listen to the sounds of nature, whatever.

And sometimes I go fishing. Just after work, on my way home, I'll find a spot and get my pole out and kick back for a bit. Sometimes this has a mixed effect...sometimes its nice, but sometimes it makes me lonelier, too.


Anyway. Give it a try some time and see what you think.

 

[one lonely guy]

Thanks.
I'll take some of those suggestions into consideration, and comment on them in a bit. Luckily I set something up tonight just not to be alone. OTOH we'll have lousy weather tonight, which usually doesn't bother me as much wrt loneliness. It's when everyone's out having a great old time (esp. couples and groups) that it really gets to me. I just feel like shutting the blinds.

There are some out-of-town support groups I may attend occasionally, as I've really gotten burnt out on the local ones, at least until there's a turnover of group members/facilitators. That doesn't seem to be happening fast, as this batch (which seem to have become much more of a social clique) seems to be sticking to it. A number of other members who are viewing it as I am have flown the coop recently too (which at least validates my feelings).

 

[Naleena]

Ideas? Yeah Whether or not they sound like something that interests you is a different story. Photography is a great thing. I love being out doors and taking pictures of beautiful things. It's something you can do by yourself and find some fun in. Also, have you thought about a furry companion? Animals are great and a dog would be great for hiking trips Plus picture taking and animals can open up conversations with people.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Thanks.
I'll take some of those suggestions into consideration, and comment on them in a bit. Luckily I set something up tonight just not to be alone. OTOH we'll have lousy weather tonight, which usually doesn't bother me as much wrt loneliness. It's when everyone's out having a great old time (esp. couples and groups) that it really gets to me. I just feel like shutting the blinds.

There are some out-of-town support groups I may attend occasionally, as I've really gotten burnt out on the local ones, at least until there's a turnover of group members/facilitators. That doesn't seem to be happening fast, as this batch (which seem to have become much more of a social clique) seems to be sticking to it. A number of other members who are viewing it as I am have flown the coop recently too (which at least validates my feelings).

Taking walks during the evening or just riding my bike around
town had given me a different perspective...
I notice most of the cars are parked on the driveway at most
people's house....which means, most people stay home.
I also relized I lived like that when I was in a long term relationship.
I was a home body , a daddy, and a husband.

It's been hard for me to make this adjustments of being single again.
I've been single before and gone through veriouse stages.
Graudally, I lived a more active life style or was doing something all
the time. luckiely I had a well paying job that allow me to just take off
for a weekend.. *sighs*. I saved over $10,000 in 3 months becuase I
was single again.

I don't have that freaken job today
So I do the best with what i have.
For the most part today...I'll force myself to leave my house so i don't sit and stair at the 4 walls.
Even if i take my recovery books or work book with me.

For the first year of my recovery...I had a motor cycle.
It was very theraputic for me...I couldn't sit home alone or still.
I drove my bike on every road in my county on the weekends, I'd
just ride my motorcycle into the mountains...whiny roads and wind in my face.
Being in nuture was very healing for me. I think that did me more good than attending meetings.
i still think meetings is an important part of my recovery...but i also think working my program or
the steps helps increase the quality of my recovery.
The only thing that kept me pluged into attending meetings was becuase I valunteer to do service work
at a meeting. I'd say 70% of the time i dread going to meetings.
I go becuase it's a self desciplin thing even though I'm not doing service work today.
At the very lease...that's what I get out of it or 1-2 hours of me not having to sit home alone.
Yeah...some people have the same feeling about certain meetings.
It's like walking into a crypt or a mortuary..lmao

I'm not totally sure how and why it has to be this way for me.
I notice everytime a girl walks into my life...I was happy and out going for the most part.
Once I get into a relationship...then it's a challenge for me to stay home again...wierd.
As you can see...I'm not at the stage of totally being happy being single at the moment.
I know when i get to that piont...of thinking...Wooo hooo this is fun being single and I
wouldn't change it for anything....then Bam whamp a girl will walk into my life to mess up my serenity...
Becuase as soon as i think i have the honeysuckle all figured out...life throws me a curve ball...lmao
Then I'll be happy with her...for a couple years, then wake up oneday and say to myself.
"fresia...fresia..fresia...i wish i was single again"...lmao

 

[one lonely guy]

Before commenting, wondered if anyone has tried meetup.com - & what results?

I've lumped quotes together for efficiency. More ideas still welcome & thanks for those so far. I'm really more into group activities than solo walks into the sunset (as one suggested).

>>I go to support groups almost everyday and I feel burned out of them.<<
>>I dont watch much TV<<
likewise & likewise

>>Go out for a simple walk and watch the sunset
Nice, but alone it just magnifies the loneliness.<<

>>I ride my bike almost everyday<<
Likewise in summer. At least you're closer to people that way than in the car.

>>Go window shoping<<
Doesn't do much for me.

>>Sometimes I'll just go to Mc Danalds by myself<<
I do that sort of thing, but does it help loneliness? Not for me.

>>Or I'll go wash and clean my car<<
I keep my car pretty filthy as I drive many country roads. I'm not a car clean friek.

>>I used to go sit at a park bench and watch the babes go jogging?<<
Done it. Enjoyable, but rather increases the loneliness feelings.

>>I'm starting to jog again<<
Can't do that - health reasons. I do hike though, with organized groups.

>>Sometimes a buddy and i just go sit at Denny's<<
That works, but finding available buddies usually is the problem.

>>I used to go to the luandry mat every Thurday night becuase the colleges babes wash their clothe on Thursdaynight.lol<<
There's a thought! Now I usually do mine at the public apartment laundry room - more convenient.

>>Maybe just go hang out at a local mall...watch the babes go shoping..lol<<
The latter part sounds great, but I despise malls.

>>Maybe go hang out at startbuck...lol<<
Can't stand their coffee far prefer Tim Hortons - not many i the US I guess.

>>If there's a book store in your area try hanging out there.<<
Already do that & libraries. Good to be where people are doing the ame, but not a big help to loneliness (for me).

>>I like to sit outside and just kick back with a cigar, or maybe a glass of wine, or even just a tasty sandwich. I admire the neighborhood, listen to the sounds of nature, whatever<<
I do it; then what?

>>And sometimes I go fishing<<
Good idea. Can't find a fishing buddy.

>>Photography is a great thing<<
Do it already (with nature groups). Found I'm not really into it as much as I'd thought I might be, so glad I only got a cheap camera.

>>have you thought about a furry companion?<<
Been there, done that, several time. Bottom line - it's not fair to the furry companions (as I'm not home enough) and doesn't help at all wrt loneliness I've found. Being at others' places with pets is good, & I love animals, but doesn't work out for me.

>>Animals are great and a dog would be great for hiking trips<<
The organized hiking groups (which I really enjoy) seldom permit them.

>>I notice most of the cars are parked on the driveway at most
people's house....which means, most people stay home<<
I notice the same at my apartment building. There must be many 'alone' people, but how many 'lonely'? Some I'm sure.

>>I'll force myself to leave my house so i don't sit and stair at the 4 walls<<
That's me!!

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Well, one of the things that kept me sane for a while was I sort of hang out with
a elderly gentleman from the support groups.
I needed that. It wasn't exaclty what I was looking for becuase he didn't have any boobs on him..lmao
I took it as an expeince of having to start from the bottom up...sort of like working my way up from the mail room.lol
Somtimes it felt like I was white knuckling life being around him.lol
But it got me out of myself for a while. He was a very funni guy.
For a while it was sort of cool...becuase I had to take him to the hospital almost everyday.
I flirt with the receptionist and the nurses...

Everyonce in a while he wanted to go to the casino and get his fixed..lol
I'd take him. Sometimes I'll just sit and talk to a babe at a slot machine.
That didn't go too well becuase i had a gambling problem. It was a good thing I didn't have alot of money.lmao
but it helped me to get out and inneract with people. Just the drive out of town into the mountain help me.

mmm...then I did the next best thing...I ran into another friend that I knew.
I tried to have an affair with her...lmao
I had a couple of dates with her..
She kept me bussied for a while. I'd call her or e-mailed her almost everyday.
I had other emotions running through me aside from lonliness...lol
If she ever gets a deviorce...lmao

Then I went through another stage....I actaully had an on-line GF...I miss her sometimes.
I'd go to work..to my meetings and come home and talk to her all night ( It felt as if we were married.lol)
It helped a lot that I could hear her vioce. She comforted me a lot. Just the experince of me having feelings
for another woman again or falling in love with her was a major break through for me.
I felt different emotions aside from lonilness for a while. It felt almost the same as when I used to date my
ex-wf. I didnt get to see her everyday, so we spent all night on the phone talking.
It hasn't really been that lone since she broke up with me.
I thought i handle the break up pretty good.

I met a friend through a support group...she's been in the program for a while.
She and I had become friends and we have a lot in common. A connection that you speak of.
She hugs me a lot...that helps even though it's a plutonic relationship.
In so many ways I'm alot closer to her than I ever was with my ex-gf.
We're close in many ways....I don't feel lonily or alone.
She's the closest person I've felt aside from Jenni.
For a while i was just grieving over Jenni's death...I didn't feel lonely for almost a year.
So...feeling lonely was a sort of healing or the next stage of me coming out of greiving
or a sign of me wanting to move on with my life.

Then i actaully asked a girl I never knew out a couple if weeks ago...I felt good about that.
I'd talk to her for a while on the phone..We were suppost to go to the movies,
but she stood me up. It's okay though...I 've been stood up before.
I take it as just another one of those things you go through when you're single and trying to date.
Like i said...I've been single before and there's stages that you'll go through.
I'm sort of having fun or going with the flow...becuase i actually was dating 5-6
women at the sametime before I got involved in a relationship the last time.
It's sort of like a journey to me..the many experince of beig single.
In this way...I'm not taking the good and bad experince as a personal attack of life is out to get me.
I also feel ..there's lessons for me that i can use when I get involve in a relationship again.
The various stages or experinces a couple can go through while in a relationship.
In past relationships I felt everything was a personal attack on my soul or being...( I hope that make sense)

I still do all those other activities...so I'm actaully a lot more active than most people.

mmm...just the other day I came across something that was very benificial.
It's just about letting go. Recovery tools that I already have.
I'm practicing letting go of my feelings of loniness.
Working it from the inside out...instead of from the outside in....(I hope that make sence ).
I don't feel lonely or alone today....because Im learning how to LET GO of FEELING lonely.

 

[ledchick]

I do not actively seek out anyone to do any thing with, I do spend alot of time in my garden and with my plants talking to them. I just do not want to be around anyone. I burn cds to fit the moods that I feel and those are my companions. These things do not disappoint me or require too much from me. No one really cares to hear what I have to say when I do talk to real people anyway...so why bother. My plants and garden love me. My animals always give me love and care for me and they are always there for me, they sense when I am upset and will not leave me.
I know it sounds even more lonely but it works for me.....