Well, one of the things that kept me sane for a while was I sort of hang out with
a elderly gentleman from the support groups.
I needed that. It wasn't exaclty what I was looking for becuase he didn't have any boobs on him..lmao
I took it as an expeince of having to start from the bottom up...sort of like working my way up from the mail room.lol
Somtimes it felt like I was white knuckling life being around him.lol
But it got me out of myself for a while. He was a very funni guy.
For a while it was sort of cool...becuase I had to take him to the hospital almost everyday.
I flirt with the receptionist and the nurses...
Everyonce in a while he wanted to go to the casino and get his fixed..lol
I'd take him. Sometimes I'll just sit and talk to a babe at a slot machine.
That didn't go too well becuase i had a gambling problem. It was a good thing I didn't have alot of money.lmao
but it helped me to get out and inneract with people. Just the drive out of town into the mountain help me.
mmm...then I did the next best thing...I ran into another friend that I knew.
I tried to have an affair with her...lmao
I had a couple of dates with her..
She kept me bussied for a while. I'd call her or e-mailed her almost everyday.
I had other emotions running through me aside from lonliness...lol
If she ever gets a deviorce...lmao
Then I went through another stage....I actaully had an on-line GF...I miss her sometimes.
I'd go to work..to my meetings and come home and talk to her all night ( It felt as if we were married.lol)
It helped a lot that I could hear her vioce. She comforted me a lot. Just the experince of me having feelings
for another woman again or falling in love with her was a major break through for me.
I felt different emotions aside from lonilness for a while. It felt almost the same as when I used to date my
ex-wf. I didnt get to see her everyday, so we spent all night on the phone talking.
It hasn't really been that lone since she broke up with me.
I thought i handle the break up pretty good.
I met a friend through a support group...she's been in the program for a while.
She and I had become friends and we have a lot in common. A connection that you speak of.
She hugs me a lot...that helps even though it's a plutonic relationship.
In so many ways I'm alot closer to her than I ever was with my ex-gf.
We're close in many ways....I don't feel lonily or alone.
She's the closest person I've felt aside from Jenni.
For a while i was just grieving over Jenni's death...I didn't feel lonely for almost a year.
So...feeling lonely was a sort of healing or the next stage of me coming out of greiving
or a sign of me wanting to move on with my life.
Then i actaully asked a girl I never knew out a couple if weeks ago...I felt good about that.
I'd talk to her for a while on the phone..We were suppost to go to the movies,
but she stood me up. It's okay though...I 've been stood up before.
I take it as just another one of those things you go through when you're single and trying to date.
Like i said...I've been single before and there's stages that you'll go through.
I'm sort of having fun or going with the flow...becuase i actually was dating 5-6
women at the sametime before I got involved in a relationship the last time.
It's sort of like a journey to me..the many experince of beig single.
In this way...I'm not taking the good and bad experince as a personal attack of life is out to get me.
I also feel ..there's lessons for me that i can use when I get involve in a relationship again.
The various stages or experinces a couple can go through while in a relationship.
In past relationships I felt everything was a personal attack on my soul or being...( I hope that make sense)
I still do all those other activities...so I'm actaully a lot more active than most people.
mmm...just the other day I came across something that was very benificial.
It's just about letting go. Recovery tools that I already have.
I'm practicing letting go of my feelings of loniness.
Working it from the inside out...instead of from the outside in....(I hope that make sence ).
I don't feel lonely or alone today....because Im learning how to LET GO of FEELING lonely.