Hi everyone!
I just wanted to share a story about my dramatic encounter with love, and how it turned my life upside down (Well, slightly dramatic and kind of upside down)
This is about a woman at my work. She started a couple of years back, and when I first worked with her it wasn't love at first sight or anything like that. Sure, we talked to eachother and got along pretty well, but it wasn't until a year after (About 1 and a half year ago) that I started developing these feelings for her. I can't describe how it happened, or why. I think I got to work a lot more with her during that time and got to know her better. I can tell you this. Every time I thought that I'd been in love up to that point was nothing compared to how I felt about her. It was something not of this world. Every second I got to spend with her was like a gift from god. Nothing else mattered, and I just counted the days until I would see her again, thinking about her all the time. I just can't explain it very good in words. It was such an amazing feeling, and at the same time, it was hell.
Of course, I never had the guts to tell her about these wonderful feelings. I thought in my naive mind that if I just talked to her enough and showed my interests in her life, then maybe she would notice. Maybe she would like me. Well, I did, and it didn't get me anywhere. Most of the time I felt like a real idiot around her, getting nervous and saying random stuff. Sometimes I thought I was way too obvious, but I didn't want her to know what I was doing. (Brilliant strategy!) I remember one moment very clear. A moment of brief eye contact that doesn't sound like much but felt special. I was looking at her doing her work, she looked up at me, and we looked at each other for a couple of seconds before we both looked away. This happened another time. I wanted to mention it, because I thought they were pretty strong moments, and that maybe, just maybe, there was a connection between us. I actually wrote a diary during this time, and I can't believe my eyes when I read it. It's so cheesy! Either I was in love, or totally insane!
This went on for some months. One day, I overheard my boss mentioning that she was going to quit at the end of the summer. That wasn't easy to hear. I learned that she would be moving for studies. I just... couldn't believe it. This woman had consumed my mind for almost half a year, and now she would disappear from my life. I knew that if I wanted to let her know how I felt, I had to do it soon, but I couldn't tell her. I continued to talk to her as much as I could. There was so much I wanted to tell her the last day I worked with her. So much I'd planned to say. I did tell her that I was really going to miss her, but the final goodbye was an awkward mess. That was the last time I saw her for a long time.
The months after she left were awful. I felt like honeysuckle. Nothing mattered anymore, and I just knew that I would never feel that way about another person again. Time went by and I forced myself to forget about her. It didn't make me happier, but at least I didn't have to think about her all the time. Life moved on. I was talking to my boss one day about half a year ago, and he casually said "Oh, <she> called me yesterday. She wanted to come back to work this summer". I told him "Oh... cool", but inside I was more like "WFT?! Please tell me you're joking!" I don't know why I felt that way. I tried so hard to forget about her, and I couldn't bear the thought of having to work with her again while being polite and pretending like nothing is wrong. Pretty selfish, I know. I was so mad that day. At her and at myself. I wasn't looking forward to summer =/
Then one wonderful day during easter break she visited work. The moment I saw her it was like someone flicked a swich in my mind. All those feelings came pouring back. I wasn't mad anymore. It was amazing to see her again. I even got a hug. (Best hug ever!) There I was again, nervous and talking like an idiot. Oh, good times! It was actually nice. She sticked around for a while, and we got to talk for some time, though awkward as it was. When she left, I felt great. Fantastic, in fact! I'd really missed that feeling. I was in love again, and I loved it. Of course I also felt pretty torn, because I wouldn't be seeing her again for months. This was a rough period, because I couldn't get her out of my mind. I thought about her day and night. I was going crazy! AGAIN! It came to a point where I felt that I really had to talk to someone about this, and being a lonely person that I am, that's easier said than done. I decided to tell another woman at my work. This woman is a very kind person, and the only one I've ever trusted enough to talk about some deeper feelings with. It wasn't easy, but I told her about it and who it was. I've never ever talked about my feelings like this before, and for me, it was a huge step! She was very supportive. It didn't solve my problems, but It was a big relief that someone else knew about it. But I was still going crazy, and I just couldn't wait until the day I would see her again
I went to Prague in May, and being away from home like that gave me way too much time to think. I remember on the plane down when i was listening to music, all I could think about was how the lyrics of each song would fit into love letters that I could send to her if we were together. Ugh! I got this idea when i was laying in the bathtub back at the hotel, that maybe I could send a letter to her now. You know, a good old fashioned letter. That way I could tell her exactly how I felt with the right words without the awkwardness. I immediately started writing lines in my head. My mind was consumed by the idea of that letter for the rest of my vacation. When i got home I went straight to the store and bought some fancy pencils, paper, and letters. I got home, sat down for five hours and wrote like posessed. The only problem was my handwriting, but it had to do, because I really wanted it to be written by me, and not the computer. The results were five very honest pages about my feelings for her. I went straight to the mail-box and posted it. It was certainly one of those "Well, this is it" moments of life. Funny thing is, I wrote in the letter that "I know I'll get so much anxiety after I've posted this letter, but it doesn't matter!" but when I had posted the letter I got such a rush! The following days I was KING OF THE FRIKKIN' WORLD! I've never felt so good in my life. So alive, so happy! But would it last?
About three days later I got a text message on my phone. It was freaky, I was holding it in my hand at that moment. I saw her name, and my heart took a leap. All those feelings, all that happiness had come down to this, and I didn't want to open it. I sat there for 15 minutes with the phone in my hand and my heart pumping.
Just a side note here. I send a 5 page HAND-WRITTEN letter, and she respond with a text message on the phone? **** technology!
I opened the message and read it. "I got your letter and you're a nice guy ect but I have no feelings for you ect ect see you this summer!" I have to say that I knew the chances were slim at best, even if I really hoped. I just wanted to tell her how I felt, and I did. I wasn't surprised by the answer, but it was still very hard to read. That was it. And 15 minutes later I had to go to work, and I can tell you I was in no good mood to work. I was like a zombie. I couldn't even pretend to be in a good mood. A couple of hours later I actually started to look at it on the bright side and thought that it wasn't the end of the world. Quite the opposite in fact. Now I could finally put this behind me. I did, and that's when the real blow came. I Back on square zero. Everything felt meaningless again, and I had nothing to look forward to. I got over her, but oh, how I miss that feeling of being in love. Both the good and the bad.
I still had one problem to deal with. I would be working with her in the beginning of June. What do you say to someone after that? That's the price you pay for sending a letter like that. I got about a month to figure out an opening. I knew I had to bring it up straight away in a humorous manner just to say "It's over, but we're cool right?". I couldn't stand the thought of acting like it didn't happened. When the day came I was so nervous while driving to work I was shaking. That moment when we first saw each other was so awkward, and we could just say "Hi!" because the boss was there with us. Later when I got the chance I told her that it was really nice to see her again, even if my face is probably looking like a tomato. She said that she thought I was really brave to send that letter, which was nice to hear. And that's the end. We never talked about it again. We worked together a couple of weeks during the summer. Not so awkward as I feared. We got over it pretty fast. Even had a couple of good laughs, just like old times! Now I think she's moved again. I didn't get to say goodbye to her and I don't care to be honest. Those feelings are gone now.
So that's my little love story. I'm really happy that I wrote that letter, because I know I would've regretted it for the rest of my life if I hadn't. It's been a couple of months but it feels like another lifetime. I can't imagine how I could ever get these feelings for another person again, but I guess it can happend at any time, any place. That's how this mess started! And I'd love to do it all again! ^^
Thanks for reading!
I just wanted to share a story about my dramatic encounter with love, and how it turned my life upside down (Well, slightly dramatic and kind of upside down)
This is about a woman at my work. She started a couple of years back, and when I first worked with her it wasn't love at first sight or anything like that. Sure, we talked to eachother and got along pretty well, but it wasn't until a year after (About 1 and a half year ago) that I started developing these feelings for her. I can't describe how it happened, or why. I think I got to work a lot more with her during that time and got to know her better. I can tell you this. Every time I thought that I'd been in love up to that point was nothing compared to how I felt about her. It was something not of this world. Every second I got to spend with her was like a gift from god. Nothing else mattered, and I just counted the days until I would see her again, thinking about her all the time. I just can't explain it very good in words. It was such an amazing feeling, and at the same time, it was hell.
Of course, I never had the guts to tell her about these wonderful feelings. I thought in my naive mind that if I just talked to her enough and showed my interests in her life, then maybe she would notice. Maybe she would like me. Well, I did, and it didn't get me anywhere. Most of the time I felt like a real idiot around her, getting nervous and saying random stuff. Sometimes I thought I was way too obvious, but I didn't want her to know what I was doing. (Brilliant strategy!) I remember one moment very clear. A moment of brief eye contact that doesn't sound like much but felt special. I was looking at her doing her work, she looked up at me, and we looked at each other for a couple of seconds before we both looked away. This happened another time. I wanted to mention it, because I thought they were pretty strong moments, and that maybe, just maybe, there was a connection between us. I actually wrote a diary during this time, and I can't believe my eyes when I read it. It's so cheesy! Either I was in love, or totally insane!
This went on for some months. One day, I overheard my boss mentioning that she was going to quit at the end of the summer. That wasn't easy to hear. I learned that she would be moving for studies. I just... couldn't believe it. This woman had consumed my mind for almost half a year, and now she would disappear from my life. I knew that if I wanted to let her know how I felt, I had to do it soon, but I couldn't tell her. I continued to talk to her as much as I could. There was so much I wanted to tell her the last day I worked with her. So much I'd planned to say. I did tell her that I was really going to miss her, but the final goodbye was an awkward mess. That was the last time I saw her for a long time.
The months after she left were awful. I felt like honeysuckle. Nothing mattered anymore, and I just knew that I would never feel that way about another person again. Time went by and I forced myself to forget about her. It didn't make me happier, but at least I didn't have to think about her all the time. Life moved on. I was talking to my boss one day about half a year ago, and he casually said "Oh, <she> called me yesterday. She wanted to come back to work this summer". I told him "Oh... cool", but inside I was more like "WFT?! Please tell me you're joking!" I don't know why I felt that way. I tried so hard to forget about her, and I couldn't bear the thought of having to work with her again while being polite and pretending like nothing is wrong. Pretty selfish, I know. I was so mad that day. At her and at myself. I wasn't looking forward to summer =/
Then one wonderful day during easter break she visited work. The moment I saw her it was like someone flicked a swich in my mind. All those feelings came pouring back. I wasn't mad anymore. It was amazing to see her again. I even got a hug. (Best hug ever!) There I was again, nervous and talking like an idiot. Oh, good times! It was actually nice. She sticked around for a while, and we got to talk for some time, though awkward as it was. When she left, I felt great. Fantastic, in fact! I'd really missed that feeling. I was in love again, and I loved it. Of course I also felt pretty torn, because I wouldn't be seeing her again for months. This was a rough period, because I couldn't get her out of my mind. I thought about her day and night. I was going crazy! AGAIN! It came to a point where I felt that I really had to talk to someone about this, and being a lonely person that I am, that's easier said than done. I decided to tell another woman at my work. This woman is a very kind person, and the only one I've ever trusted enough to talk about some deeper feelings with. It wasn't easy, but I told her about it and who it was. I've never ever talked about my feelings like this before, and for me, it was a huge step! She was very supportive. It didn't solve my problems, but It was a big relief that someone else knew about it. But I was still going crazy, and I just couldn't wait until the day I would see her again
I went to Prague in May, and being away from home like that gave me way too much time to think. I remember on the plane down when i was listening to music, all I could think about was how the lyrics of each song would fit into love letters that I could send to her if we were together. Ugh! I got this idea when i was laying in the bathtub back at the hotel, that maybe I could send a letter to her now. You know, a good old fashioned letter. That way I could tell her exactly how I felt with the right words without the awkwardness. I immediately started writing lines in my head. My mind was consumed by the idea of that letter for the rest of my vacation. When i got home I went straight to the store and bought some fancy pencils, paper, and letters. I got home, sat down for five hours and wrote like posessed. The only problem was my handwriting, but it had to do, because I really wanted it to be written by me, and not the computer. The results were five very honest pages about my feelings for her. I went straight to the mail-box and posted it. It was certainly one of those "Well, this is it" moments of life. Funny thing is, I wrote in the letter that "I know I'll get so much anxiety after I've posted this letter, but it doesn't matter!" but when I had posted the letter I got such a rush! The following days I was KING OF THE FRIKKIN' WORLD! I've never felt so good in my life. So alive, so happy! But would it last?
About three days later I got a text message on my phone. It was freaky, I was holding it in my hand at that moment. I saw her name, and my heart took a leap. All those feelings, all that happiness had come down to this, and I didn't want to open it. I sat there for 15 minutes with the phone in my hand and my heart pumping.
Just a side note here. I send a 5 page HAND-WRITTEN letter, and she respond with a text message on the phone? **** technology!
I opened the message and read it. "I got your letter and you're a nice guy ect but I have no feelings for you ect ect see you this summer!" I have to say that I knew the chances were slim at best, even if I really hoped. I just wanted to tell her how I felt, and I did. I wasn't surprised by the answer, but it was still very hard to read. That was it. And 15 minutes later I had to go to work, and I can tell you I was in no good mood to work. I was like a zombie. I couldn't even pretend to be in a good mood. A couple of hours later I actually started to look at it on the bright side and thought that it wasn't the end of the world. Quite the opposite in fact. Now I could finally put this behind me. I did, and that's when the real blow came. I Back on square zero. Everything felt meaningless again, and I had nothing to look forward to. I got over her, but oh, how I miss that feeling of being in love. Both the good and the bad.
I still had one problem to deal with. I would be working with her in the beginning of June. What do you say to someone after that? That's the price you pay for sending a letter like that. I got about a month to figure out an opening. I knew I had to bring it up straight away in a humorous manner just to say "It's over, but we're cool right?". I couldn't stand the thought of acting like it didn't happened. When the day came I was so nervous while driving to work I was shaking. That moment when we first saw each other was so awkward, and we could just say "Hi!" because the boss was there with us. Later when I got the chance I told her that it was really nice to see her again, even if my face is probably looking like a tomato. She said that she thought I was really brave to send that letter, which was nice to hear. And that's the end. We never talked about it again. We worked together a couple of weeks during the summer. Not so awkward as I feared. We got over it pretty fast. Even had a couple of good laughs, just like old times! Now I think she's moved again. I didn't get to say goodbye to her and I don't care to be honest. Those feelings are gone now.
So that's my little love story. I'm really happy that I wrote that letter, because I know I would've regretted it for the rest of my life if I hadn't. It's been a couple of months but it feels like another lifetime. I can't imagine how I could ever get these feelings for another person again, but I guess it can happend at any time, any place. That's how this mess started! And I'd love to do it all again! ^^
Thanks for reading!
