Love: is it really as beautiful as some people make it to be?

[wannabeXL]

I've been hearing about this "true love" business since I was a little kid, and for the longest time I was led to believe that it exists. Now that I'm slightly older, I think that "being in love" is just another phrase for "being temporarily obsessed with someone to an unhealthy level" or "being temporarily attracted sexually to another person." I've read a long time ago about how "romantic love" eventually transforms into "companionship love" in married couples, and I think this only goes to show that "true love" as many people think about it doesn't exist - and it sure explains why people over the years can't define "love."

I've been told that the reason I still don't know how it's like to be in love is that I "haven't met the right person yet." I think that's a load a crap. I'm perfectly capable of knowing when someone is physically attractive, charming, smart, rich, or has whatever other positive qualities that make them worth going out with. My problem seems to be that I don't let myself turn my liking them as person into what some people call "falling in love." I just don't see why I should let myself "fall in love" when it has made people really stupid and gotten them into trouble. People get married all the time because they're "in love," often forgetting there's a lot more to getting married than, among other things, the wedding.

Lastly, I personally find it more rational to get married with someone you've been friends with for years because you know them - you REALLY, REALLY know them - and you know you can get along with them. And yet my preference seems unpopular as dating your own friends has become a taboo of sorts in the area where I live. I can see where they're coming from, but I disagree.

Anyway. I really should've written this when I had more time to organize my thoughts, but this should do for now. Discuss.

 

[wolfshadow]

Perhaps the fact that "true love" is considered a thing of beauty denotes it's rarity.

My grandparents were happily married for over fifty years and although I suspect that the romantic chemistry took a back burner fairly early into their tenure as a couple, there was always, always an underlying affection between the pair that endured until my Grandad passed away. I think that's just about as good as it gets.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Make your own conclusion. In other words live your life.

I know true love exist. I see it everyday.
My parents have been together for more than 35 years.
They love each other a lot. They have thier own relationship.
I see them experessing thier love for each other everyday.
They have thier moments as couples ..as all couples do.
I still see them getting mooshy or romantic every so often too.

My sister have been married for more than 20 years to her HS sweetheart.

I'm the odd ball of the family
However,....everytime i get into a relationship it last longer and longer.
The last relationship I had lasted 12 years...that's longer than some people have been married
and say love sucks.

Falling in love to me means.... letting go of your fears, being yourself and going with the flow.
A realtionship takes on a life of its own. A relationship also takes dedications and work.
Even with the chaso and insanity wiht my ex-gf for last 5 years...
I guess it was totally intoxicating romance, lust or whatever...becuase we had sex anywhere and
everywhere and did a lot of things only some people dreamed or read about
Sex addictons and other addictions...romance, love, attactments, dramma all rolled into one.
Yes..being in love or romanticly in love with someone is very intoxication. i know she'll remember me for the rest of her life..lol

Of course I had plans or what my idea of what a healthy relationship should be. My GF woke up oneday and decided to lose fucken mind.lmao

It would'nt be any different if she got into an accident or came down
with sometype of terminal illness...wouldn't it ?

I might be single at the moment...
But it's this I know...i rather have lost at love than to had never loved at all.

Yes..it's beautiful. To me it is.
I love deeply...I hurt deeply.
I rolled my dice and took my chances. Wherever the chip may fall.

 

[Nyktimos]

Lastly, I personally find it more rational to get married with someone you've been friends with for years because you know them - you REALLY, REALLY know them - and you know you can get along with them.

True, but many of us need that feeling of being in love to start the whole sex thing going in a relationship (not so much independently of a relationship). Having sex with a friend on the basis that you get on well just doesn't feel right. Although, the modern world being what it is...

As for love, what you've said sounds about right. I don't think there is a single feeling of love. And I doubt it lasts for everyone. I've been in love three times. The first I wouldn't commit, but I guess I'm over her after all this time. The second I'm still in love with, or at least I still feel the vacuum she left. It's a source of constant emptiness and pain. The third, I simply fell out of love with after about four years. And eight years after meeting we're still together. My patience with her is wearing thin. Is love as beautiful as they say? Never has been for me. One thing I intend never to do again is fall in love. It sucks!

 

[heretostay]

Now that I'm slightly older, I think that "being in love" is just another phrase for "being temporarily obsessed with someone to an unhealthy level" or "being temporarily attracted sexually to another person."

You are very wise. It is very true what you say, at least to me. ive been with my h for four years now and have come to this very same conclusion. After you get past the high you'll find staying with someone is just a very practical decision that you make one day at a time. Love becomes more practical and it is work just like anything else. Maintaining it is tiring, frustrating, and good. But its not easy nor does it just come.

I hope you stick by what you've learned. Be very practical when you pick someone. Luckily, even though i was swept up in the high for awhile, i was pretty practical when i picked my H. He is very hardworking, makes good money, has a good job, good credit, never drank, never did drugs, and is a family man.

 

[Minus]

Now that I'm slightly older, I think that "being in love" is just another phrase for "being temporarily obsessed with someone to an unhealthy level" or "being temporarily attracted sexually to another person."

All to often it is only that and in that case it frequently won't last much longer then the new relationship high. Then again there can be much more then that and often there is.

 

[Arnaert]

I think that "being in love" is just another phrase for "being temporarily obsessed with someone to an unhealthy level" or "being temporarily attracted sexually to another person."

That's not love that's lust.

I've read a long time ago about how "romantic love" eventually transforms into "companionship love" in married couples, and I think this only goes to show that "true love" as many people think about it doesn't exist - and it sure explains why people over the years can't define "love."

We can't define a lot of things, that doesn't mean it doesn't exist,
human kind has given itself way too much credit, I mean we are quite wonderful, but let's not get cocky. Our language can't fully express or define alot, so in ways we with our many different languages that seperate us even though we are of the same species, are no different than a dog barking or sniffing some *****'s bumhole.

I've been told that the reason I still don't know how it's like to be in love is that I "haven't met the right person yet." I think that's a load a crap. I'm perfectly capable of knowing when someone is physically attractive, charming, smart, rich, or has whatever other positive qualities that make them worth going out with. My problem seems to be that I don't let myself turn my liking them as person into what some people call "falling in love." I just don't see why I should let myself "fall in love" when it has made people really stupid and gotten them into trouble. People get married all the time because they're "in love," often forgetting there's a lot more to getting married than, among other things, the wedding.

Yah, people often do alot of stupid things whilst in love, getting themselve's into trouble, but that's love, when one is in love they're willing to do anything. They're willing to make themselve's completely vulnerable to where they'll make complete fools of themselves trying to impress the object of their affection, they'll risk everything even experiencing the worst pain in their life. But in the long run its worth it, its worth even if it turns out to be just a short moment in your life because you were happy. You were happier than you ever thought possible.

Lastly, I personally find it more rational to get married with someone you've been friends with for years because you know them - you REALLY, REALLY know them - and you know you can get along with them. And yet my preference seems unpopular as dating your own friends has become a taboo of sorts in the area where I live. I can see where they're coming from, but I disagree.

Anyway. I really should've written this when I had more time to organize my thoughts, but this should do for now. Discuss.

There is a difference between friendship love and romantic love, if you feel that it is romantic love then you should maybe think about how you will change your friendship into something else. But you can't just date someone cos it looks good on paper.

Love is a complicated thing, its also rare. If you can be lucky enough to someday feel it. True love. Your cynacism has a serious opponent, its kinda no match for it. Love is the most spiritualism you'll ever need. Its more fulfilling than Christianity, Islmam, Judaism, and buddism. Hell, love is nirvana, don't need meditation for that.

 

[ledchick]

Well, I am in my 21st year of marriage and I fell in love at first sight and have been in love ever since. It does not meant that there are not days when we feel like we hate each other or have our differences. But we remain deeply in love today. I did not marry for money or looks or all that other stuff! I knew when I saw him that he was the one and it has been a series of ups and downs and all the good and bad etc. We still are in love like teenagers somedays and other days we are like an old couple sittin on the porch together. Love is all things...good bad happy sad up down and all around.

 

[ChessGuy42]

It depends on what the definition of 'true love' is. We can't look for the existence of something until we know exactly what it is for which we're supposed to be looking. This is exactly the reason why neuroscientists and philosophers can't solve the problem of consciousness.

However, suppose we take 'true love' to be the following: a mental attitude towards a person which causes the experiencer to believe that he or she wants to be with the object of the attitude for the rest of the experiencer's life.

By that definition, yes, true love exists... but almost in a way that is trivial.

But there are problems. First, the romantics in the audience will note that the above definition is very clinical. It lacks the mystery, awe, and reverence generally associated with 'true love'. Second, the more perceptive members of the audience might note that this allows for one person to be 'in true love' while the other person is not.

So, true love exists, but once we try to talk about it in a specific way, the notion becomes unsatisfying for two reasons. Having been in love with someone that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I think the above definition of 'true love' is perfectly reasonable.. but if you object, how would you define it?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Unconditional love...as in the perfect love of god.
As in God loves me inspite of me.

As in God loves me without conditions..no strings attached, no demands, no controls issues, no jealouscy,
no bondage, no expecatations. Nothing...I do not have to do absolutely anything to earn god's love.
As in a gift of love.
As in giving something without expecting anything in return.

As in...I love her enough to let her go.
As in I love myself enough to let her go.
As in I love her enough to accept her as a child of god as I am. No more nor no less.
As in I love her enough to let her be and live her life as she choses..whatever path and lesson she wants to learn.
As in I love her enough to want her to be happy no matter what, even if I'm no longer in her life.
As in I love her to set her free...as god had set me free. No strings.
As in I love her inspite of her shortcomings or flaws.

As in I love her enough to be real...life changes..she changes..her perceptions changes, her body changes.
As in i love her no matter what...with or without me. Without conditions...

As in god love's for me has no limits and is constant
As in my love for me has no limits and is constant
As in my love for her has no limits and is constat

As in I'm never seperate from god...no matter where I go.
As in she's never seperated from me no matter she gose.

As in BEING WHOLE and COMPLETE...In complete love with or without her.

As in I'm in this thing call the ocean of love. (GOD)
I'm in it..I'm of it. I AM it.
She's in it ...She's of it. She is it.
As in we are both made out of the same love and can't not be seperated from it.

As in true love is forever.

 

[Athiest #001]

It depends on what the definition of 'true love' is. We can't look for the existence of something until we know exactly what it is for which we're supposed to be looking. This is exactly the reason why neuroscientists and philosophers can't solve the problem of consciousness.

However, suppose we take 'true love' to be the following: a mental attitude towards a person which causes the experiencer to believe that he or she wants to be with the object of the attitude for the rest of the experiencer's life.

By that definition, yes, true love exists... but almost in a way that is trivial.

But there are problems. First, the romantics in the audience will note that the above definition is very clinical. It lacks the mystery, awe, and reverence generally associated with 'true love'. Second, the more perceptive members of the audience might note that this allows for one person to be 'in true love' while the other person is not.

So, true love exists, but once we try to talk about it in a specific way, the notion becomes unsatisfying for two reasons. Having been in love with someone that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I think the above definition of 'true love' is perfectly reasonable.. but if you object, how would you define it?

This guy knows his honeysuckle, I concur.

 

[wannabeXL]

That's not love that's lust.

Are you sure there is a difference between this love and lust? I think I deleted the paragraph where I tried to clarify this point, but there's a difference between "loving" someone and "being in love" with someone. For example, I'm perfectly capable of loving my family as in I care about them and if they died I'd probably cry. However, that doesn't mean I'm in love with them as in I want to tell them how beautiful they are and make out with them.

We can't define a lot of things, that doesn't mean it doesn't exist, human kind has given itself way too much credit, I mean we are quite wonderful, but let's not get cocky. Our language can't fully express or define alot, so in ways we with our many different languages that seperate us even though we are of the same species, are no different than a dog barking or sniffing some *****'s bumhole.

True, but I'm pretty sure many of us are mistaking love (in the romantic sense of the word - for all practical purposes I'll stop adding this disclaimer and hope you can understand what I mean from the context) for something it's not. I'm pretty sure people are confusing love with lust all the time.

There's a related point that I've been having in my mind, but I haven't been able to phrase it just right. I'll be back, hopefully within two weeks.

Yah, people often do alot of stupid things whilst in love, getting themselve's into trouble, but that's love, when one is in love they're willing to do anything. They're willing to make themselve's completely vulnerable to where they'll make complete fools of themselves trying to impress the object of their affection, they'll risk everything even experiencing the worst pain in their life. But in the long run its worth it, its worth even if it turns out to be just a short moment in your life because you were happy. You were happier than you ever thought possible.

I've always been inclined to believe that if you do love someone you've probably come to terms with all of that person's flaws. But in any case, all I see here is how being in love just means not being yourself and making sacrifices just to impress another person. IMHO that's stupid, and before we get off track let us remember the original question: Is love as beautiful as some people make it sound?

There is a difference between friendship love and romantic love, if you feel that it is romantic love then you should maybe think about how you will change your friendship into something else. But you can't just date someone cos it looks good on paper.

Love is a complicated thing, its also rare. If you can be lucky enough to someday feel it. True love. Your cynacism has a serious opponent, its kinda no match for it. Love is the most spiritualism you'll ever need. Its more fulfilling than Christianity, Islmam, Judaism, and buddism. Hell, love is nirvana, don't need meditation for that.

Yes, I understand that there's a difference between friendship love and romantic love. The former is real, the latter is imaginary and complicated because people refuse to see it as what it is: a simple desire to mate and (eventually) make babies. Romantic love seems to be another word for lust to me - it just doesn't have the stigma that the word lust has. Who really wants to admit that they're in lust? Meanwhile, if you say you're in love it even sounds like a good thing.

 

[wannabeXL]

Well, I am in my 21st year of marriage and I fell in love at first sight and have been in love ever since. It does not meant that there are not days when we feel like we hate each other or have our differences. But we remain deeply in love today. I did not marry for money or looks or all that other stuff! I knew when I saw him that he was the one and it has been a series of ups and downs and all the good and bad etc. We still are in love like teenagers somedays and other days we are like an old couple sittin on the porch together. Love is all things...good bad happy sad up down and all around.

How did you "know"? Gut instinct? I don't have none of those. I've tried to use gut instinct when I buy Lotto tickets, and so far I've wasted half as much money as I had hoped to win.

 

[wannabeXL]

It depends on what the definition of 'true love' is. We can't look for the existence of something until we know exactly what it is for which we're supposed to be looking. This is exactly the reason why neuroscientists and philosophers can't solve the problem of consciousness.

However, suppose we take 'true love' to be the following: a mental attitude towards a person which causes the experiencer to believe that he or she wants to be with the object of the attitude for the rest of the experiencer's life.

By that definition, yes, true love exists... but almost in a way that is trivial.

But there are problems. First, the romantics in the audience will note that the above definition is very clinical. It lacks the mystery, awe, and reverence generally associated with 'true love'. Second, the more perceptive members of the audience might note that this allows for one person to be 'in true love' while the other person is not.

So, true love exists, but once we try to talk about it in a specific way, the notion becomes unsatisfying for two reasons. Having been in love with someone that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I think the above definition of 'true love' is perfectly reasonable.. but if you object, how would you define it?

I have a few thoughts, but I think if I post them right here right now they wouldn't come out right. I'll have to get back to you.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

One Sunday morning William burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan.

After dinner, William's dad took him aside. "Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married 30 years.. She's a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half-sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her."

William was heart-broken. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Dianne said yes! We're getting married in June."

Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Dianne is your half-sister too, William. I'm awfully sorry about this."

William was furious! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news.

"Dad has done so much harm.. I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half-sister."

His mother just shook her head. "Don't pay any attention to what he says, dear. He's not really your father!"

 

[ChessGuy42]

This guy knows his honeysuckle, I concur.

Thank you.

I have a few thoughts, but I think if I post them right here right now they wouldn't come out right. I'll have to get back to you.

I'd be more than happy to hear them. I'd be even happier if you came up with something to show me wrong. One can only be a cynic to the same degree that one is a romantic.

Are you sure there is a difference between this love and lust? I think I deleted the paragraph where I tried to clarify this point, but there's a difference between "loving" someone and "being in love" with someone. For example, I'm perfectly capable of loving my family as in I care about them and if they died I'd probably cry. However, that doesn't mean I'm in love with them as in I want to tell them how beautiful they are and make out with them.

I'm inclined to agree that there's a difference between love and lust. I would(and did) claim that love an attitude towards a person that makes you want to keep that person in your life. Lust is, as you say, wanting to tell someone how beautiful they are and to make out with them. For that matter, love is also different than liking. I have plenty of friends and family members that I love despite the fact that I can't stand being around them for long periods of time sometimes.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Lust is a wanting..

you want money
you want securities
You want pride
you want prestige
you want accpetence
you want peace
you want knowlege
you want a piece of ass.

Horny is when you need to get laid

Pussy whopped is when you truned your will and your life over to the Power of the snatch...lmao

 

[Arnaert]

Are you sure there is a difference between this love and lust? I think I deleted the paragraph where I tried to clarify this point, but there's a difference between "loving" someone and "being in love" with someone. For example, I'm perfectly capable of loving my family as in I care about them and if they died I'd probably cry. However, that doesn't mean I'm in love with them as in I want to tell them how beautiful they are and make out with them.

True, but I'm pretty sure many of us are mistaking love (in the romantic sense of the word - for all practical purposes I'll stop adding this disclaimer and hope you can understand what I mean from the context) for something it's not. I'm pretty sure people are confusing love with lust all the time.

There's a related point that I've been having in my mind, but I haven't been able to phrase it just right. I'll be back, hopefully within two weeks.

I've always been inclined to believe that if you do love someone you've probably come to terms with all of that person's flaws. But in any case, all I see here is how being in love just means not being yourself and making sacrifices just to impress another person. IMHO that's stupid, and before we get off track let us remember the original question: Is love as beautiful as some people make it sound?

Yes, I understand that there's a difference between friendship love and romantic love. The former is real, the latter is imaginary and complicated because people refuse to see it as what it is: a simple desire to mate and (eventually) make babies. Romantic love seems to be another word for lust to me - it just doesn't have the stigma that the word lust has. Who really wants to admit that they're in lust? Meanwhile, if you say you're in love it even sounds like a good thing.

Yah some people do often mistake lust for love, one of the reasons why so many people get divorces. Love is forever. It can become complicated beyond what alot of people are willing to take, it can turn into hate you "hate" this person as much as you loved them, but its always there. You know the difference between love & lust cos lust lust goes away after you see something better. No one would die for a quickie unless they were idiots. Look at Dante Alighieri, he loved Beatrice. He never had sex with her & when she died, he continued to love her & dedicated himself to preserving her memeory.

Btw of course you will change for love. Love changes us. It changes us, it shows us what we're capable of.

 

[ledchick]

Well, I am in my 21st year of marriage and I fell in love at first sight and have been in love ever since. It does not meant that there are not days when we feel like we hate each other or have our differences. But we remain deeply in love today. I did not marry for money or looks or all that other stuff! I knew when I saw him that he was the one and it has been a series of ups and downs and all the good and bad etc. We still are in love like teenagers somedays and other days we are like an old couple sittin on the porch together. Love is all things...good bad happy sad up down and all around.

How did you "know"? Gut instinct? I don't have none of those. I've tried to use gut instinct when I buy Lotto tickets, and so far I've wasted half as much money as I had hoped to win.

Well, it is not like there was a flashing neon sign that said "this is IT"
But I had never had a b/f before I met my husband. I do know that I never had that happen with any other person, except much later in life I met a person that I had that 'click' with, but I was already happily married. Ummm, gut instinct is not what I would call it and I would not compare my love life to buying a lottery ticket....unless you want to spend your life thinking every person you come along is could be the one, that could become emotionally exhausting. Some people never experience what I have and never will, they simply meet someone think they are in love and settle for that. I was just lucky to have met mine and to have had 21 years of good times bad times and everything in between.

 

[Jack Kerouac]

Love is very real- so is love at first sight. The first girl I fell in love with I went out with for 2 years in HS, and I felt it strong from pretty much the day I met her. I also just felt the exact same love at first sight spark with another girl this year, but I screwed it up with her so I never got to see how the feeling would play out That's scary to me because that's only the 2nd time in my 29 years that I felt love at first sight.

But love doesn't have to have an instant spark. I also had a girlfriend January and Febuary this year who I did not like at first, but after a WAY too intense relationship with her (we were together almost all day every day and slept together almost every night just days after meeting...), I was falling for her and the feeling was quite similar to the love at first sight thing, though I logically could remember I didn't like her for many reasons. The feeling of love comming on though was in full force and I was starting to do things like float away when we kissed. If you're floating when you're kissing a girl and staring into her eyes makes you melt you're falling in love with her.

That floating feeling was present the first time I talked to the 2 other girls I mentioned though- didn't even need to kiss them. It was like time stopped and the world got very detailed and vibrant and everyone else in the room was almost invisible. It feels MUCH stronger to me than a sexual desire- it's not even a comparible feeling really (if you want that lust feeling go to a strip club and get some dances)-, and I'd feel the love feelings just making out or even talking on the phone or sitting next to the girl. The feeling is so strong that it almost hurts quite frequently, especially when you are not physically next to eachother. And it makes you feel like you're truly alive and can accomplish anything you put your mind towards. You wouldn't give up a girl you were in love with for a movie star or supermodel because there would be no sensible reason you'd desire anybody else at the same time.

So based on my experiences there is obviously no "one person for you" out there and you can feel this feeling with multiple people at different times. So the romantic ideas of soulmates etc is a load of crap. Love isn't though. Love is real and once you find it, when you lose it it can make life lose all its meaning.