Lying in bed alone every night (vent once again)

[Remedy]

*warning dumb ass depressing talk inc*

I'm just talking about the feeling of being alone and when you are getting ready for sleep its one of the worst feelings. No, I'm not talking about sex either. I just want someone to be with and cuddle with before I go to sleep to make me feel like I'm special to someone. Is it to much to ask for? What makes me such an insignificant piece of honeysuckle that has never gotten any attention from anyone? I mean I am a human being right, not some weird creature that makes people ignore me in disgust.

Why is it that there are so many people who go from person to person and are hardly ever alone. Especially so many douchebags who cheat, lie, and abuse who don't go alone for that long. While I'm forever stuck in perpetual lonliness.

I like having friends but it always tends to bother me when I go out with them even though I do enjoy their company. It reminds me of how alone I really am every night when I lay in bed. Like tonight I was out with friends who both had their girlfriends with them. It just reminds me of the fact that they will be going home tonight to be with each other. While I am coming home alone like I have for the last 22 and a half years of my life. I know people say I shouldn't feel down because there are people out there who have it worst. I know, I know but just this perpetual lonliness gets to you after awhile and becomes so painful.

When I'm out around girls, I am so crippling shy that I can barely talk. Most people don't believe in it but I really do think Love-shyness exists to a certain extent. I know its something you can break out of, but right now it's just too ******* hard. It's not really something I can control. I basically just go mute when around the opposite sex. I try to talk but the words just don't come out... It is just basically there and it's like I can't do anything about it I don't know :/.

Maybe I was just meant to be a pathetic loser. Maybe I was destined to be a perpetual virgin, destined to a life of lonliness. Some of us are probably not capable of being loved but I will not accept such a fate. My friend tells me that the good ones always get what they have coming in the end. I just don't see it. I just see all the ******* douchebags who cheat on their partners or use them for sex, get what they want. I probably am to insignificant to be loved. I feel like I'm a **** child in a ******* 22 year old man's body. I have never and probably will never amount to what I want in life as far as love goes. Sorry, I'm just really depressed right now.

My plans for tonight is just lying in bed alone wishing I was one of my friend's not sleeping alone. This feels never-ending. Is wanting to be loved to much to ask? Am I really just to insignificant to be thought of being with. I know it is probably my crippling shyness that is effecting everything, but I just can't break out of it... I just wish someone out there would try to get to know me instead of being weirded out by me. Shouldn't shyness be like a mystery to some people to where they would maybe want to get to know someone. Or are they to afraid of upsetting someone or feeling like it would be a waste of time... That really is what I am a "waste"

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Remedy,

Have you ever consider getting some professional help? Someone that can coach you through this.

You do have any female friends?? That's what female friends are good for. It's to get you used to being comfortable around
the opposite sex. Having conversations with them. Having repore with them.

It's just anything else. it's just takes practice or being exposed.

How about going out on a double date?
That's bascailly how I met my first couple of GF.
One of my friends had a gf that had a friend. We would go the the drive in and stuff like that.
One thing lead to another I ended up kissing the gal...I didn't really say that much...yeap, I was pretty shy around girls at first too.
As far is my first time ever falling in love with someone or kissing a girl for the first time....
It's kind of like walking through an invisiable wall of fears.

I know what you're talking about...I had similar feelings and thoughts before i kissed a girl for the first time.

As far as cuddling in bed with the opposite sex...don't trip...man. It's fucken over rated.
After 15 mins..you're fucken arm falls asleep and you'll want it back. Plus her freaken hair gets all into your face so you can't breathe worth a fresia.
You'll bascailly say..I want my fucken arm back. Roll over with your back to her so you can fucken breath when you sleep.lol
Will...at least kiss her first. If she snores, you'll either sleep on the couch or in the guess bedroom.lol Bascailly slumber alone.

 

[CAS]

"As far as cuddling in bed with the opposite sex...don't trip...man. It's fucken over rated.
After 15 mins..you're fucken arm falls asleep and you'll want it back. Plus her freaken hair gets all into your face so you can't breathe worth a fresia.
You'll bascailly say..I want my fucken arm back. Roll over with your back to her so you can fucken breath when you sleep.lol
Will...at least kiss her first. If she snores, you'll either sleep on the couch or in the guess bedroom.lol Bascailly slumber alone."


It's that kind of attitude that annoys me more than anything. At least you KNOW what that feels like.

 

[Badjedidude]

I wouldn't mind braving some elbows and hair for some warm boobies against me and arms around me at the moment.

It's a damned good feeling.

You WILL feel that, Remedy. And soon. You just have to go out and make it happen.

----Steve

 

[CAS]

I can whole-heartedly relate to the way Remedy is feeling. It's a yearning that causes a pain in the chest.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

"As far as cuddling in bed with the opposite sex...don't trip...man. It's fucken over rated.
After 15 mins..you're fucken arm falls asleep and you'll want it back. Plus her freaken hair gets all into your face so you can't breathe worth a fresia.
You'll bascailly say..I want my fucken arm back. Roll over with your back to her so you can fucken breath when you sleep.lol
Will...at least kiss her first. If she snores, you'll either sleep on the couch or in the guess bedroom.lol Bascailly slumber alone."


It's that kind of attitude that annoys me more than anything. At least you KNOW what that feels like.

Aint that a *****. Change your attitude then.

 

[Wolfe]

"As far as cuddling in bed with the opposite sex...don't trip...man. It's fucken over rated.
After 15 mins..you're fucken arm falls asleep and you'll want it back. Plus her freaken hair gets all into your face so you can't breathe worth a fresia.
You'll bascailly say..I want my fucken arm back. Roll over with your back to her so you can fucken breath when you sleep.lol
Will...at least kiss her first. If she snores, you'll either sleep on the couch or in the guess bedroom.lol Bascailly slumber alone."


It's that kind of attitude that annoys me more than anything. At least you KNOW what that feels like.

Hmmmz *scratches chin*

 

[Minus]

... It's fucken over rated....

I don't think that i could agree with that. Seems underrated if anything.

--
Remedy, while i understand the feelings, you are not any of those things that you called yourself, except shy.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

I'm just talking about the feeling of being alone and when you are getting ready for sleep its one of the worst feelings. No, I'm not talking about sex either. I just want someone to be with and cuddle with before I go to sleep to make me feel like I'm special to someone.

After my ex moved out, for the next 6 months or so, I could not sleep in the bed we'd shared for 12 years. It just felt so big and empty. I knew that if I moved my leg in the night, I could keep moving it until I fell off the bed before I touched another person.

Instead, I slept on the couch, snug up against the cushions so I wouldn't have to feel how empty and alone my bed was.

Although I have reclaimed my bed as my sovereign territory, it still hurts like fresia when I realize how empty it is, and how it is likely to stay that way, so I feel for you. It does hurt.

Is it to much to ask for? What makes me such an insignificant piece of honeysuckle that has never gotten any attention from anyone? I mean I am a human being right, not some weird creature that makes people ignore me in disgust.

You aren't any of those things and no, it is not too much to ask for.

 

[Phaedron]

Somehow for me it's worse after a relationship then it was the 27 years prior to having one.

I used to be just like you, perceiving myself as a monster and such, having to be alone all my life, shy, etc. The most notable thing about when I finally did find someone was that I fully believed I would. When it comes to matters such as attracting someone you are compatible with, the law of attraction is at work. As hard as it is you really must stop seeing yourself this way or nothing good will happen.

I assure you, no one man is completely desirable nor a monster to every woman alive. No not even the most popular, as there are sure to be those who hate them just to go against the grain if nothing more. The difference between you and other people is that they fit in well and never perceived themselves this way. So stop wallowing and start looking for the ones who will see you in a good light, and when you do emphasize your good qualities with confidence.

The key to getting less nervous and shy is getting to a point where you just don't care anymore. Yes, if you do something wrong it may go bad, but if you don't do or say anything it will definitely go bad, so why not give it a shot?

Also, don't approach a girl with the expectation of dating. Just get to know her and see what comes of it. If you need to expect anything, expect her to not be the one for you, but who knows you might get lucky.

Or do what I did and go with online dating. Nothing but texts and emails until you're comfortable enough in knowing someone to actually meet them.

 

[Remedy]

Remedy,

Have you ever consider getting some professional help? Someone that can coach you through this.

You do have any female friends?? That's what female friends are good for. It's to get you used to being comfortable around
the opposite sex. Having conversations with them. Having repore with them.

It's just anything else. it's just takes practice or being exposed.

How about going out on a double date?
That's bascailly how I met my first couple of GF.
One of my friends had a gf that had a friend. We would go the the drive in and stuff like that.
One thing lead to another I ended up kissing the gal...I didn't really say that much...yeap, I was pretty shy around girls at first too.
As far is my first time ever falling in love with someone or kissing a girl for the first time....
It's kind of like walking through an invisiable wall of fears.

I know what you're talking about...I had similar feelings and thoughts before i kissed a girl for the first time.

As far as cuddling in bed with the opposite sex...don't trip...man. It's fucken over rated.
After 15 mins..you're fucken arm falls asleep and you'll want it back. Plus her freaken hair gets all into your face so you can't breathe worth a fresia.
You'll bascailly say..I want my fucken arm back. Roll over with your back to her so you can fucken breath when you sleep.lol
Will...at least kiss her first. If she snores, you'll either sleep on the couch or in the guess bedroom.lol Bascailly slumber alone.

No, I don't really have any female friends, they are mostly just acquaintances. That I see whenever I'm with my friends. I don't think I have ever had a true female friend that I hung around with in my life. Like one I could ask if they ever wanted to hang out like I do with my other friends.

I have had therapy before, but when I finally said what was bothering me. The therapist said a couple of things, then said "Ok, it looks like we're probably done". This was after like 5 sessions when I finally became comfortable enough to say something. When the average number of sessions is like 10... So I have tried to get some professional help with my problems before. If even my therapist thinks I'm a waste of time, what the hell does that mean ?

I've became open with my friend about these things. He is like my only close, offline friend that I have. I think he has been trying to help me become less shy by getting me out. The only thing other then that is that he suggested I should try online dating. How the hell is that gonna work though? I'm so crippling shy that I'll make myself look like a ******* idiot. Besides online dating is just a looks game and I'm not that great of a person to look at. Nobody offline knows how much thsi honeysuckle truly bothers me though so I guess I'm just hiding it from everyone except people online. I'm really sorry for being like a broken record but this is the only place I have to go to vent out my frustrations. I just want to know why I want so badly to have someone special if I'm destined to a life of perpetual virginity and lonliness.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Remedy,

I'm sorry you had a lame therapist.

I still attend my support groups. I don't drink anymore and I had to make a life style change.
Bascailly i can't go hang out with the boys at a bar or club to meet women anymore.
One of the major challegnes of being in recovery or triats that a lot of pople have in recovery is isolation.
I've made serveral male friends ..most are just acquanitance...Just a couple I'm closer
While I don't really want to date any women in recovery. I've formed a relationship with serveral women.
They're bascailly my friends. We can talk a lot about whatever. Sometimes about intimate issues or other
deep personal issues...What this dose is helps me maintain some type of social structure with people in general.
Some of my female freinds are really, really close to me...just without the sex. Plenty of hugs, body contacts.

Have you notice something about this website? Half of the people on here are female.
What I'm saying is some of the female acquanitance you have are just about as lonely and wanting a companion as much as you do.
And they're scared shitless just as much as you are or more....becuase it's custommary for a guy to approch women.
So half the female aquaintance that you have are actaully waiting for you to ask them....

Courage is not without fears...Everybody have fears.
Fear can motivate us to do something about our lives or fear can stop us dead in our tracks.
What I'm saying is there's really nothing wrong with you as a person.

I used to shake in my boots too when I go ask a woman out...I still do sometimes.
But I've identified my fears. To over come that fear that would stop me in my tracks...
I had to take courage ( I have courage within me already...we all have courage) and put myself in the line of fire.
The more i did that..the more courage I developed. Beside...fear is just a feeling.

Fear is cunning...fear would want to convience me a mole hill is a mountain.

Have consider attending church?...keep yourself open.
I started attending church for a while becuase I couldn't do the AA/NA meetings anymore.
Actaullly the two people that help me through my dating process were from churches.
I had a hard time moving forward with my life after a long term relationship break up. Yet, I long to love and hold someone. I wanted my gf back..but that wasn't going to happen.
My ministor...tried to set me up with serveral women.lol. She would purpously introduce me to women...even give them their numbers.
Even some of the women were asking me to go hang out with them after church...
She also help me worked through some of my fears and gave me several dating advice.

The other person was kind of like a coach (sponsor). I used to go hang out with him.
He walked me thorugh it. He encouraged me. At the end of the day, he bascailly got me to put myself out there...put myself in the line of fire.
After i get rejected, stood up...I'd whine or talk to him. Inspite of my feelings or the fears that i had..he got me to take actions. (practice taking courage)
After 2-3 months of him coaching me...I was dating several women. He actaully had to tell me to stop.(hahhaaaaaa) becuase I became too much of a player.

I was 29 at that time. I never thought i would be dating at that age. I had a lot of internal conflicts i had to work through.
I felt ashame to be single at that time...becuase in my mind a 29 year old should be settle down. Plus i had a lot of guilt or sense of failure becuase I couldn't
make that relationship work.

What I'm saying is...wheather your a 22 virgin or 30 year old after a relationship break up. The principles are still the same.
( fear of living, fear of not being good enough, fear of failures...etc)
There's salutions to our living challenges. Focus on salutions. Find salutions. We must take actions or apply principles inorder for our lives to change.
In other words put theories or ideas into practice.

I writting this to myself more than anyone else...becuase I'm over 40 after another longterm relationship break up.
I still feel guilt, shame...and bascailly retarded for being single at my age...but i can't simply just give up on myself.
I have to practice all these things in my life. There's still plenty of life ahead of me. I long for that special someone just like a lot of poeple.

Just keep reaching ...people face to face. Doors will open, if you keep open. Take baby steps.

 

[Badjedidude]

I've became open with my friend about these things. He is like my only close, offline friend that I have. I think he has been trying to help me become less shy by getting me out. The only thing other then that is that he suggested I should try online dating. How the hell is that gonna work though? I'm so crippling shy that I'll make myself look like a ******* idiot. Besides online dating is just a looks game and I'm not that great of a person to look at. Nobody offline knows how much thsi honeysuckle truly bothers me though so I guess I'm just hiding it from everyone except people online. I'm really sorry for being like a broken record but this is the only place I have to go to vent out my frustrations. I just want to know why I want so badly to have someone special if I'm destined to a life of perpetual virginity and lonliness.

Remedy, you are not DESTINED for anything. Everyone has the ability to change their own future; no one is arbitrarily "locked" into any future. So all this talk about being fated for loneliness is just dramatic hogwash. I'm not getting onto you for saying that stuff, I'm just telling you that you shouldn't believe yourself when your brain tells you those things.

I don't think that therapy is required for this. IMHO therapy is a crutch....I don't really believe in the power of therapy or talking about feelings and honeysuckle.

If you want to make something happen, you just have to act DESPITE your feelings and get it done.

I'm glad that you have an offline friend to talk to about this stuff a bit...because as I've said before, someone offline and close to you would know your entire situation better and be able to help you really get things moving...so it's awesome that you have a nice friend like that to rely on.

I don't think you should necessarily focus on online dating...seriously, like 80% (or more) of the girls you'll find online are probably either a bit messed up, overly desperate, or are only looking for sex. I think that if you want a healthy, good relationship, you should focus on finding people in real life. It's not that hard, really...

Try the bookstore. A book-geek girl would be a good choice. Just browse around the self-help and history sections and if you see a pretty girl, flash her some looks to let her know you're interested, then just walk up and ask her to help you find something. "Excuse me...I know you don't work here, but I don't know much about *****, can you help me find this book by ******?" Haha it sounds cheesy, but it can work.

I guess my whole point is that you just gotta keep getting out there and working at it. You're never going to just immediately meet a girl...it takes a lot of work and a lot of rejection, but eventually you'll find the girl you're looking for. Just keep it up, man, and you'll be GOLDEN!!!

----Steve

 

[CAS]

Remedy, you and I are the same age and are in pretty much the same situation.

I can offer you no words of comfort, because it's one hell of a honeysuckle situation to be in. We're 22, we're 'supposed' to be settling down, marrying, having children etc. and we're virgins who've never had girlfriends. Sad and pathetic as it is, I guess we just have to make the best of it and try to do something to change. And I'm not underestimating how difficult that is.

It's either that or commit suicide which admittedly does seem like a fantastic option at times. Only the other month I was sitting with a bottle of whisky in one hand, a knife in the other and thinking how great it would be just drink myself into a semi-stupour and slit my throat to free myself of everything, but I couldn't do it to my parents.

What I'm trying to say is, we have to at least try to find a reason to live.

 

[dorsai]

You're comparing yourself alot to others. As a result, you're not developing the real you or accepting that it's okay. Contentment comes from knowing that the only person you need to please is yourself. Try not to project too much into the future based upon what is currently going on in your life. Besides, your outlook changes in time. You adapt. What you want in this thread will be different in a month, year, or two.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

You could get a Dakimakura. I have one they are nice, not exactly warm but I like mine.

Let me just say that I was once in your shoes friend. Wonder why I am so worthless to have to not know what it is like to cuddle or have sex. But you look to the outside world too much. You are forgetting you have one very powerful tool at your disposal, it is called the internet. That is where I met my first female friend.... even if I might lose her.

I found the internet is a great tool to meet people. It allows me to hide yet be seen. I am not saying go to a dating site or anything. Just find a forum to frequent. Go off and pick an argument with someone. Just because you only see text does not make them any less your thoughts. I always found it funny, back in college I did not know any girls in real life. But on the internet I did not know any males. That is why I always put a location on my forum accounts. You never know when someone might see your location, and say "Hey that is near me". That is what happened to me. You also need to be willing to reach out to people.

I don't know, maybe I am just in a manic mood because I watched an anime about underwear. But never forget the internet is a tool to meet people. People with common interests. If you are interested in it, there is most likely a forum for it. An example of something I am going to try to do in the next year or so, join a forum that is directly related to an anime convention I attend. Try and make friends there, people who I can meet in real life and spend time with at the con and at other times. Maybe even meet another girl... if that is possible.

Either way, use what you have at your disposal. The internet is bursting with people to be around. But just like real life you have to make it work... god I feel like such a hypocrite right now... anyway. Just because people on the internet hide behind a veil of 1s and 0s does not mean they are any less human. It is just another way to reach out to people.

 

[SilentComfort]

I dont know if i should reply in a serious topic like this, but count me in as another person with girl failures. Im 22 too.
Im thinking its easy for people to hold themselves down by looking at their own present situation, thinking that its depressing, and it feels like fate won't allow certain things to happen. I used to think such thoughts all the time.
If i look at my own past, i was so much more shy and defensive than i am now. That may be reasons for my situation, im a virgin and i never had girls as friends. So tragic really. But i used to be really immature and plain retarded. Since then, things have only moved forward it seems.
Ok end of personal history. Sometimes looking in the past makes sense to things. Being 22 is not being very old.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

SilentComfort: On the note of looking to the past. I know I define myself by my past. Who I was then is who I am now. Instead of looking to the past to make myself better. We cling to the past, because we feel we are unchanging.

OP maybe instead of looking to the past to define who you are. Look to the past to see what you did right and do it again. Or see what you did wrong and make sure you do not make that mistake again.

I know this is hard the past is a warm blanket the future is the cold night. But those who do not get up and try and find the bright warm future won't find it.

 

[Brian]

It's a yearning that causes a pain in the chest.

GOD I hate that. I had it so bad a few times I almost couldn't breath and considered calling 911. Thought I was actually having an MI.