Major group anxiety

[Hope_Reigns]

This bothers me. I'm always so nervous in groups, especially groups where I'm being introduced to a bunch of people. For some reason forum doesn't bug me, probably because I don't sense the proximity, but any real time situation online or off I just freeze. I literally can't speak much, if at all.

I don't know what to do about it really. I've been like this most of my life, but in the last few years it's multiplied. One on one I could talk all day..almost too much at times. But stick me in a group and ::silence::

It's rather embarrassing, and it highly disappoints the friend trying to introduce these people to me. Either they end up looking bad because of it, or they end up upset at themselves for overwhelming me. I hate letting people I care about down like that

 

[Estreen]

Well, one way you could do it (and what has worked for me) is to try meeting people kinda one on one, or in small groups. Like say meeting a couple of your friend's friends together at a small hang out at someone's house (or if you feel more comfortable in your own home, invite them over if possible) then you can build on that from there. If there's an opportunity to meet even just one friend of a friend's...try to, even if it's just for like, 10 minutes or something. I feel that in bigger groups I feel more at ease with the more people I've met beforehand. I realized this after I noticed I had no problem being in a semi-large group/party setting when I would invite all my own friends over.

I don't know if that'll help you much, but it's an idea anyway.

 

[SilentThinker]

I also have the same problem as you.

One good trick is to treat a group as many individuals.Try talking to a individual first esp the one who introduced you to the group,

Once you built the confidence in the individual,start talking to another individual who may have same interest as you.Note for interest level when people are talking to you.When they are interested in talking to you,the conversation will start go on.

 

[Sylver]

Hugs!

I have friends who are really shy in groups and can't seem to talk when there are a lot of people..

Have you tried watching a movie or something and then talking about it? I've found that when something interesting is being said, the shy ones are likely to try to get into the conversation.. And with a little help (as in, giving them the room to talk) they have pretty interesting things to say and quickly forget that they are shy because the conversation is so interesting!

Estreem has a good idea in finding a zone of comfort.. So did Silent Thinker.. If you can, try to meet people somewhere you're comfortable, like at your place or a friend's place. If not, stick to the person you know in the beginning and try to find someone you have something to talk about.. Maybe mention to your friends that you have a really hard time talking to crowds, so if there's a particular person they would want you to meet (and good for them for introducing you to new people!) then if they could, could they start a conversation with that person that you both would be interested in talking about and once it's underway, quietly exit and leave you to talk?

Good luck!
Hugs!

 

[evanescencefan91]

hey hope i've also had the same problem for a while and i think estreen has a good point there, just start out small,
get to know maybe 2 or 3 people individually then maybe you can meet them all together in a group.

 

[Needles]

Hey, I have the same problem as you too. When I go to eat at the cafeteria here I usually find one of my friends who eats all the time and sit next to him. He is friends with almost everyone in the school (or so it seems). So, tons of people begin massing the table I was sitting at. Eventually, the table gets full and everyone begins talking to the one guy I know. I find myself unable to really speak out or add in to the conversations going on, even if I have things to say. So far, the solution to this problem has been to jump in talking when the table is less than half full, before everyone gets there. When you start small with just 2-3 people, you will get more comfortable around them and then be able to keep talking in that smaller conversation as more people come by. Then, it's the people just coming who have to enter the conversation, not you.

Well, that's my somewhat-solution. Maybe it will apply to your situation. Good luck!

 

[rdos4]

i have the same problem as you too....man you just read my biography, i swear i cant say anyting when im in groups........i guess a good excuse is that you dont know them, so its not your fault that you're quiet

but im telling you, be thankful that you have friends. its tough not having any at all...

 

[PieBeNice]

I hate being in large groups and things like that, its the eyes that scare me, they make me cry and have a sad face. The worst times were when everyone would have to stand in front of the class and talk, made pie sad. Its all to do with confidence really though, just say what you're thinking, espeacially if its as you say, with new people, so you can express your personality to them and show people what you're really like. Jus try not to get intimidated and made speechless. The more you talk to people the more you will feel confident around them.

If all else fails, just use big pointy sticks to clear away large groups of people. Works every time.

 

[Alive42]

all of these suggestions are great - the only other suggestion I would add is because we all have a radius of personal space around us and when you go to group things this space tends to get invaded, which is another thing making us uncomfortable. So if you are ready to start going out into large groups I would start with a place that has a lot of people that you don't have to talk to and get more comfortable with people being in yourspace even though you don't really know them, then I would move to the talking/meeting people stage.

 

[Caesium]

bla bla bla

You say the weirdest things sometimes..and that's why you're so cool

Regarding the thread, sure, I can relate to most of what has been said. I don't get involved in many group activities - none in fact, and I don't remember the last time I actually spoke informally with a group of people that wasn't about something related to school or work. I much prefer just being alone with someone, and talking to them like that. Such situations rarely arise in a school environment however. Alas, such is life. There's been some good advice offered in some of the above posts though, from Estreen especially. I'll keep what you've said in mind whenever I go somewhere where a social situation may arise, Estreen.

 

[bobgarden]

Hi,
l know what you are going through,because l suffer the same mental ialment myself.For some reason,just like yourself,l find it hard to express myself in a confident manner if l am witha group of strangers.The only way for me to overcome this anxiety is to have a drink to relax me,so l can say with confidence of what is on my mind.
Have you heard of a book in the seventies called:self help with your nerves..by Claire Weekes.lt guides you through the mental turmoil one is experiencing and will eventually make you see a light at the end of the tunnel.
lf you cannot find this book,l will be quite happy to send it to you free of charge as a gift.lf l know that l have helped someone,then this will make me feel better in myself.lt is a lot better to give then it is to recieve.