Making A Decision On Which Is Worse?

[ComfortZone]

I was wondering today, maybe it just might all boil down to making a decision: Which is worse: Living a severly lonely, almost totally debilitating, suicidal life or RISKING stepping out of my comfort zone in order to make new friends/connections with other people?

(Because not doing anything afterall.....is still a decision.)

Pros and cons to both sides.

(Gosh, I'm really nervous in even entertaining this notion.....)

So, then I'm thinking....what's the worse that can happen?

Well, for me in the past - A LOT!

(I'll spare you the sordid details.)

I am considering now that it is because I never really had any rules of my own established as to acceptable and unacceptable codes of conduct beforehand - so, is it any wonder then, that I felt like a tumbleweed out there in the world.....just spinning around aimlessly at the whims of any and all outside forces?

I ran across a really good article that talks about writing our own rules in relationships. (Though it mainly talks about the dating world, its basic premise can be applied to finding platonic friends as well:

http://www.yourtango.com/proconnect/201085764/how-write-your-own-dating-rules

This is making me feel TONS better as I seriously consider stepping out of my comfort zone.

What do I want?

(Gee, I don't really suppose that I have ever asked that question to myself before!!!!!!!)

Operating from a standpoint of what I expect in a relationship.

What is important to me?

(I can't believe that I never thought of this before...)

I know that one important point would be for the other person to DO what they say they are going to do....and vice-versa. I think that's a pretty good starting place.

Secondly, with regard to trust (which any relationship bearing any significance entails).....I think there can be 3 catagories to this: Safe, Semi-Safe and Not Safe.

Maybe I could place everyone initially in a neutral 'semi-safe' zone. Then, from there, I determine after a period of time whether to move them into the safe or un-safe zone....or even to just keep them in the neutral zone. MY decision.

It's embarrassing to admit not having the first clue here on how to go about all of this, especially at my age! (But, better late than never, I reckon.)

Rules, limitations....knowing ahead of time what I want, what I will tolerate, what I will not tolerate, what I expect, what I don't expect.

Yeah.....I'm kind of thinking that this just might work............

Oh sure, I might be met with rejection - but so what? I am sure that I will reject others as well, particularly when I can figure out for myself what my personal deal-breakers are and by the same token, also give the other person the right to determine and honor their own deal-breakers accordingly.

So, maybe it all kind of comes out in the wash that way.....I'm thinkin'...

This is still a little bit rough around the edges, but I think that it is at least good for starters, anyway ~

I would be interested in what ya'll think/feel about this? Does this make sense? Has anyone else ever tried something along these lines?

Please DO feel free everyone to offer and/or express any comments/suggestions/insights you might personally have along these lines as maybe together, we can all figure out a way out of this dismal abyss of .....loneliness.

 

[dead]

Hey ComfortZone. your expectations are reasonable, but it does seem like you are abit over-analysing.

i dont' know. luck, being in the right place at the right time. all those are factors.

it does seem like you are prepared to accept the possibility of rejection well. that is quite rare.

 

[ComfortZone]

Hey Dead,

All of your points well taken. Many factors DO indeed come into play including 'luck', which I haven't really made up my mind yet for sure - actually exists?

I think that maybe the Forrest Gump movie had a pretty good grip on all of this when in the scene, where he in standing at the grave of Jen-knee....that maybe its a combination of both? All "destiny like" but unpredictable as well. (I am surely para-phrasing the crap out of this one....but maybe you get my drift if you are familiar with the movie?)

So far as rejection is concerned.....(thank you, by the way in saying that it is rare.) When you get right down to the nitty-gritty of it all.....it really is unavoidable by either party - really. I mean, I might reject someone - they might reject me. Is it really the end of the world either way?

(You know?)

In any event, I sure do appreciate your comments and thank you for taking the time to respond.

Surely food for thought all the way around ~