Making friends...male or female?

[bureau]

Yes that may very well be the answer. I wish I could wake up tomorrow morning feeling great and consciously make the effort to change things...but, my feelings overpower logic. So much of my life has been spent living one way that I wonder if there is a threshold one eventually crosses where there is no turning back. A point where your feelings define you. The older I get the closer I feel to that point.

 

[davechaos]

I am 37...have spent the last 6 months seeing a counsellor and feel a lot better for it. I have grown in so many ways. You are never too old or too learned to change what you know...give it a chance and work with it...you will get there if you really want it.

It has to be like that otherwise why do we go through everything we go through?

 

[bureau]

you seem like a nice guy dave. i envy your optimism.

 

[davechaos]

Well if I am not optimistic then I worry...I have gone through so many things in my life that I really shouldn't be so optimistic...so trusting...so loving...but those are traits of mine that I cannot hide...and will not hide.

The decisions I make though are things that I am trying to come to terms with...and learn from.

Hence my optimism.

 

[Silvernight]

Thanks Silvernight...is it because you feel that you can't approach males or is because your experiences have been bad?

No, it's nothing to do with bad experiences. Men like easy-going, communicative girls who can express their thoughts and feelings freely at any time (which is perfectly understandable) - everything I'm not in other words. I'm shy, it takes a helluva time for me to get used to someone's company, and the more I like a person, the more nervous and uncomfortable and at a loss for words I become. In which case, I think they assume I'm simply not interested. Which is not true, of course. I do my best to hide the nervousness and pretend I'm like so laid back but I don't think that most of the time I'm fooling anyone.

 

[davechaos]

I am not the best at advice...I kind of just say what I think is the right thing...so here goes.

You will be surprised at the number of men who actually like someone who is shy...quiet...mysterious in many ways...as opposed to the brash...loud...in your face girl.

The more you like someone the more you will get nervous...but during that time just be yourself...don't hide your nervousness...it is part of who you are and part of the person that you will always be. Don't pretend to be someone you aren't...love yourself...that is what my counselling has taught me...I love being me now...I never used to before. I used to try and be people that would like me...forget that...two failed marriages and you can see that that doesn't work.

If that helps...and I hope it does then great...if it doesn't then I apologise if I have offended.

What about everyone else...the vote is still two to one...opposite against same.

 

[Frostburn]

So Frostburn would you say that you actively discourage getting to know females or is it that you don't get the opportunity? Do you think that it is the way that we approach women and the way that we give out an impression about ourselves?

The internet world is very much different though...time...getting the opportunity to revise and practice what we 'say'.

I remember having like one chance where I could have possibly made a friend out of a girl, but I didn't take it. This happened like three years ago. I was younger and mentally a wreck during that time. Much less confident about myself than I am now. (Not that my confidence is great these days either, but it is a start.)

I don't really know if I discourage it myself. Well I am not very outgoing. I have my friends I spend time with in school and outside it, but I don't have any real hobbies where I could meet new people for example. I go sometimes to drink with friends and there might be also some girls that I could possibly get to know, but they tend to be the type I don't wish to associate with. I don't like making friends when alcohol is involved too.

Heh, that is why I feel more comfortable talking to people in the net. My brain works on slow rate and I need time so I can gather my thoughts. Reason why I can at times be clumsy in social situations.

 

[davechaos]

I think that is what we all like about the internet...how many times guys have we typed something and then decided against it...you gut reaction is one thing...and then your sense of reason kicks in and you are able to revise your response.

I treat the internet as a training ground for me. It is not very often when I type something and then change it. I am really comfortable with writing what I want because it is what I feel and I know that it is right.

This website has allowed me to do this and if you all learn the same way I have it will allow you to do the same...and that is why I love being here because if I can help one person as much as I have been helped then that is what I am here for.

Thank you to everyone...you have all shared a part in this.

 

[Unacceptance]

I find it difficult to get along with humans in general, however I was brought up with all females. I grew up with a single mom, had a female cousin as a friend and my aunt and grandma were the family I saw most.

I'm find women a little easier to talk to, however males have this simple caveman-like quality that also makes it easy to get along with them.

I'm really not sure I guess. My best friend for the longest time is another guy though, he's like a brother. So maybe that says it all.

 

[Naleena]

It depends. Thats my answer for most questions...lol I find it easy to befriend women much older than myself. I think it's because of thier maturity and that they know and are CONFIDENT in who they are. They have been through life and have a lot of wisdom. All my friends have been much older than me. I don't befriend women my age as easily because women are very competitive and I don't like that. A lot of them like to gossip to each other and can be down right cruel to another woman. I hate hurtful gossip.

I tend to befriend men very easily. I always had more male friends than female. Yeah, guys are cool

One note: While I love my male friends, there are times in my life when I really need that sisterly companionship.

 

[Rebel001]

I can be friends with both, but if I think about all of the friends ive ever had they are mosty girls lol

I find it easy to talk to girls because well we usually have a lot in common besides the fact that we are both girls, and guys well they arent so easy to talk to sometimes, maybe its just me, but I get very nervous around guys for some reason. I get very self consious, and well, Most guys that I try to be friends with usually end up liking me and trying to get into a relationship with me when all i want to do is be thier friend. I dont know if im doing something wrong..i dunno, but well thats how it usually ends up when I try to make friends with a guy.

i have like one or two guy friends that arent in love with me at least lol but what the heck do I do?? could someone please explain that one to me?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

yeah..I m like Dave.
I'm using this site as a sort of interaction or stepping stone.

I wasn't always like this but some events in my life that happened to
me had a profound change in my phygic. It's kind of hard to explain
but I couldn't seperate the 2 of just not trusting a person that hurt me from
everyone else. There's a lot of trust issuse i have to work through...not that
I havn't worked through turst issues before.lol I think i also had PTSD.

I use to be really into spiritaul journey or trying to live a spiritaul base life.
Even my faith have been effected or it changed.

I think i was mentally and emotionally unstable..too much happened too fast
and it very difficult for me to process it. Being in that state...I wasn't well.
How did i know i wasn't well ???....becuase I remember being well, I knew what
it's like to be well. Anyway I tried not to makesence of whatever i was going
through or over anylized it...becuase i wasn't thinking right...Dose that makesence?

There was a part of me in me somewhere..I'm not really sure what to term it.
My soul, inner child, or my ultra-consiouse. I'm not crazy or insane... dose that makesence ?
My life situations was driving me crazy or overwhelmed me.

It's as if I made a journey through the wasteland.
In the waste you loose everything.....that's why it's the wasteland.
I belive i lost all my marbles too.lol

I belive I'm more stable now. I met alot of people here, male and female that
made me laugh. I havn't laugh in over a year.

So to me at this piont..it's dosn't even matter if it's male or female.
Just as long as I reach out or want to try again.

 

[eh?]

I get along better with females than males. With family, the males are usually far outnumbered.

But mostly, its age groups.
People over 40 seem to gravitate toward me for some reason. Is it my aura? My attitude? I don't know. But I think the only hope of me getting a wife is to target that age group(I am in my mid-twenties).

 

[capricious]

I can be friends with both, but if I think about all of the friends ive ever had they are mosty girls lol

I find it easy to talk to girls because well we usually have a lot in common besides the fact that we are both girls, and guys well they arent so easy to talk to sometimes, maybe its just me, but I get very nervous around guys for some reason. I get very self consious, and well, Most guys that I try to be friends with usually end up liking me and trying to get into a relationship with me when all i want to do is be thier friend. I dont know if im doing something wrong..i dunno, but well thats how it usually ends up when I try to make friends with a guy.

i have like one or two guy friends that arent in love with me at least lol but what the heck do I do?? could someone please explain that one to me?

Pretty much the same with me. lol

I have mainly female friends, it seems pretty natural to befriend with someone in your own gender. But I get along with males pretty well. Because I grew up with brothers, so I tend to be more sporty and like video-games and stuff... However, just like you described above, they always end up liking me instead. I can only name 2 as well who don't think of me that way, although I think 1 of them used to like me.-_-;

 

[wah]

Opposite sex. Always was, always will be (I guess).

 

[sweetviki]

I have both male and female friends but they are very different from each other. With girls I can connect a lot more on an emotional level. I can talk to them about problems including relationship issues, family stress and then there are conversations about style,dieting , skin care etc. etc. With guys its a whole other situation. There is not a lot of the emotional convos its all about just all kinds of other random crap. With guys I tend to be a lot more silly and less focused on being emotional or serious. My friendships with girls are a lot deeper while with guys its more about the pursuit of fun. However girls tend to be a lot more untrustworthy and are more likely to stab in the back. Girls seem to be more insecure and we feel a lot more intimidated by other girls. As far as friendships with guys the one problem I had is that sometimes a guy would try to get to know me and while I am thinking on a friendly level the guy has something else on is mind. There were times when I've realized the guy is trying to emotionally connect with me in order to get into my pants. I guess overall I find both sexes easy to befriend but each type of friendship has its own drawbacks.

 

[Lawrens]

I've only ever had male friends before, I never really cared and I'm just more comfortable with males, but I seem to attract more males than females iterms of having a conversation going, females from an older age group seems to enjoy chitchatting with me but not anyone from my same age group (like from schools etc).

I'm not sure if it's just the way I act, females in my age group avoid me like a plague

 

[Sanal]

Either.. I aint shy and nobody resists a friendship

 

[NakitaKita]

as much as i try to be friends with females I can't really we get to talking and thats fine but hanging out and things it really dosen't happen...the last time i hung out with a chick ... she was going to color my hair we had like this bright green that i was going to put in my hair just so happens all that green went on my neck and down my back rather than my hair so i walked around for a couple of days with a green neck! Hmm!... besides i find it kind of fun to hang out with men more anyways.