Married and Lonely seeking friends

[Techno]

The worst thing in life isn't to end up all alone. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel alone. You shouldn't have to beg for things that should be freely given to you like love and affection. Resentment develops when you repeatedly feel unheard, dismissed or feel that your spouse puts other interests ahead of you and the marriage.

Research suggests 60% of people that suffer from loneliness are actually living with their spouse. It might hurt to walk away but that will never compare to the pain of staying. Don't let the fear of being alone keep you in a relationship where you are alone.

You need to decide. Is this the life you want to live?. Is this the person you want to love?. Is this the best you can be?. Can you be stronger? kinder? more compassionate?. Decide, breathe in, breathe out and decide.

Thank you!

 

[TheRealCallie]

Thank you! I would never cheat on my wife. I love her and we have a good life except for the conversation. I usually go for walks or coffee with friends, but her silence when I tried to talk to her about my family sent me into a Deep depression. We went to a birthday party yesterday, and many friends I had not seen since pre covid were warm, friendly and interested in talking to me so I am feeling better. I usually do the things you suggested I do. Thanks again.

Glad you're feeling better.
How do you feel about therapy? Would she be open to going as a couple? If not, even going alone could be helpful.

 

[Techno]

Glad you're feeling better.
How do you feel about therapy? Would she be open to going as a couple? If not, even going alone could be helpful.

I am in favor of therapy. I have been in therapy a few times.

 

[Raa]

Hi All,
I am a 35 yr old female and I am married. I am very lonely and depress. I know some of you would say...if you are married then why are you lonely...it's because my husband is not married to me but he is married to his JOB! He spends more time there than with me. When he is home he does not talk to me, but he is on the computer trying to find ways to make more money. I am a house wife, I married a rich man, but I am very unhappy. He is a great provider but not a husband. We do not have a relationship....I have a void in my life that I need filled..I need social interaction....I love to have great conversation. I am open minded. I am here seeking friends male or female. If you can relate to me write back. thanks

Hi tangy002, my name is Rainey and it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m saddened to read your story, I can hear your heat breaking still. I’m soon to be separated although no longer engaged, I understand how you feel about being lonely.
I’d like to be your penpal as it were if you’re interested.

 

[ZMxncbv456!]

Hi All,
I am a 35 yr old female and I am married. I am very lonely and depress. I know some of you would say...if you are married then why are you lonely...it's because my husband is not married to me but he is married to his JOB! He spends more time there than with me. When he is home he does not talk to me, but he is on the computer trying to find ways to make more money. I am a house wife, I married a rich man, but I am very unhappy. He is a great provider but not a husband. We do not have a relationship....I have a void in my life that I need filled..I need social interaction....I love to have great conversation. I am open minded. I am here seeking friends male or female. If you can relate to me write back. thanks

I understand. I am in a similar boat. My wife is focus on her career and getting a doctorate. I am doing the same but I cook and etc. but so lonely it’s like when I bring it up it is a problem

 

[okidoke]

Hi tangy002, my name is Rainey and it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m saddened to read your story, I can hear your heat breaking still. I’m soon to be separated although no longer engaged, I understand how you feel about being lonely.
I’d like to be your penpal as it were if you’re interested.

I understand. I am in a similar boat. My wife is focus on her career and getting a doctorate. I am doing the same but I cook and etc. but so lonely it’s like when I bring it up it is a problem

The original poster hasn't been on the forum for 15 years FYI

 

[JJW]

Back. Been a while. Still lonely. No changes in status. Still wishing I was someone else somewhere else.

 

[Jackie]

Yes, I have told my husband this many and plenty times and he will make an effort for a short period of time to intereact with me, then eventuallly it always go back to the same thing . Me being ignored most of the time. I am tried of being alone I don't work, I don't have any real friends.

I feel your pain. Our situation is similar in one aspect but entirely dissimilar in another aspect. In any case, we share the feeling of loneliness for the same reason: Being ignored. If I find the remedy I will be sure to let you know ASAP ... and if you find it first I hope you will do the same for me.

 

[Rand]

Hi All,
I am a 35 yr old female and I am married. I am very lonely and depress. I know some of you would say...if you are married then why are you lonely...it's because my husband is not married to me but he is married to his JOB! He spends more time there than with me. When he is home he does not talk to me, but he is on the computer trying to find ways to make more money. I am a house wife, I married a rich man, but I am very unhappy. He is a great provider but not a husband. We do not have a relationship....I have a void in my life that I need filled..I need social interaction....I love to have great conversation. I am open minded. I am here seeking friends male or female. If you can relate to me write back. thanks

I'm right there with you. I'm married as well, but our love life is distant and lacking. I'd love to just talk.

 

[okidoke]

I'm right there with you. I'm married as well, but our love life is distant and lacking. I'd love to just talk.

They haven’t been on the forum for 15 years. Hopefully things have improved for them.

Welcome to the forum though. I’m also estrangedly married.

 

[Rand]

They haven’t been on the forum for 15 years. Hopefully things have improved for them.

Welcome to the forum though. I’m also estrangedly married.

I'm glad I found this site. I can't believe the website has been up over 15 years and I never found it.

 

[Grizel]

Hi All,
I am a 35 yr old female and I am married. I am very lonely and depress. I know some of you would say...if you are married then why are you lonely...it's because my husband is not married to me but he is married to his JOB! He spends more time there than with me. When he is home he does not talk to me, but he is on the computer trying to find ways to make more money. I am a house wife, I married a rich man, but I am very unhappy. He is a great provider but not a husband. We do not have a relationship....I have a void in my life that I need filled..I need social interaction....I love to have great conversation. I am open minded. I am here seeking friends male or female. If you can relate to me write back. thanks

Unfortunately when you choose a man who seeks wealth and stature, you have to be the kind of woman who is ok doing things alone and finding activities with other women in the same situation. Ever thought of joining a social, golf, or yacht club?

 

[Grizel]

Yes, I have told my husband this many and plenty times and he will make an effort for a short period of time to intereact with me, then eventuallly it always go back to the same thing . Me being ignored most of the time. I am tried of being alone I don't work, I don't have any real friends.

Men need constant reminders, especially the busy ones

 

[Jackie]

Unfortunately when you choose a man who seeks wealth and stature, you have to be the kind of woman who is ok doing things alone ....

And when we men get involved with a woman who mostly wants to spend, spend, spend our money but doesn't show us any appreciation for our kind and loving character ..... what should we do?

 

[Grizel]

Well if you are a man of means who wanted a woman mostly for how she can represent you, then you should expect her to spend your money and as a man you should also know how to manage your wife whom depends solely on you…..

 

[Jackie]

Well if you are a man of means who wanted a woman mostly for how she can represent you, then you should expect her to spend your money and as a man you should also know how to manage your wife whom depends solely on you…..

Is that an insinuation?

 

[Unsigned]

Well if you are a man of means who wanted a woman mostly for how she can represent you, then you should expect her to spend your money and as a man you should also know how to manage your wife whom depends solely on you…..

Honestly that's kind of a cold outlook.
So I am in the top 6% US net worth.
And for the right girl, I would absolutely be willing not only to support her 100%, but also to put her as the sole beneficiary of my will.
And you know what?
Even though I have made this known to a few girls in my life, they didn't care!
They'd rather "mess around" with "dangerous/exciting bad boys" than be with me and set themselves up for the rest of their life.
I am a lifelong single male. We have by far the shortest lifespan.
I am also a heavy drinker.
I will almost certainly croak within 10 years.
And despite that, for whatever reason, I am still young looking for my age and in good outwardly physical shape.
DOES NOT MATTER!
They want their "bad boys" and that is that!
I don't want to say that all females are evil and/or without forethought, but...

 

[Draven]

@Unsigned Ayy I'm suddenly feeling so feminine rn. That's such a pretty profile pic did you take it yourself??

 

[Unsigned]

@Unsigned Ayy I'm suddenly feeling so feminine rn. That's such a pretty profile pic did you take it yourself??

No I did not take the picture.
It's Hallasan (Mt. Halla), a dormant shield volcano and the tallest mountain in South Korea. It is in the middle of Jeju-Do (Jeju Island), a very beautiful place known as "the Hawaii of Korea". I spent a week there in 2011, and hiked to the top of Hallasan.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Honestly that's kind of a cold outlook.
So I am in the top 6% US net worth.
And for the right girl, I would absolutely be willing not only to support her 100%, but also to put her as the sole beneficiary of my will.
And you know what?
Even though I have made this known to a few girls in my life, they didn't care!
They'd rather "mess around" with "dangerous/exciting bad boys" than be with me and set themselves up for the rest of their life.
I am a lifelong single male. We have by far the shortest lifespan.
I am also a heavy drinker.
I will almost certainly croak within 10 years.
And despite that, for whatever reason, I am still young looking for my age and in good outwardly physical shape.
DOES NOT MATTER!
They want their "bad boys" and that is that!
I don't want to say that all females are evil and/or without forethought, but...

It's the kind of woman you're offering that to, though.

That's the thing - you can't save those people from themselves. They're not damsels in distress. They want to be what they are, they don't see it as a problem. They like getting money without a career/easy luxury without school and knowledge work, they like risk-taking and thrills, they like drama, they like attention-seeking and being scandalous because it gives them a rush and a sense of power. They don't care about stability, so offering them that is meaningless to them. They don't see it as a value, or a priority.

They want their "bad boys", because they are the female counterpart to that - not every woman, just this particular personality type. That's who they have compatible personalities, interests, beliefs, and worldviews with. You've said it before, these are not "nice" women in those circles.

I used to think a similar thing growing up. I used to want preppy cheerleader-type women too (despite me being a geek, having no macho interests save for cars, and nothing to talk about with these girls because we had no interests or personality traits and beliefs/values/views in common), and I used to not understand how they only cared about jocks and stoners, even though these guys talked about women in such vulgar misogynistic ways. And then there was that girl I mentioned getting to know before, when I first got to this site, that I thought wanted someone to see her as sweet and that didn't treat her like she was a bad person, and wanted out of a life of random sex, drugs, partying, and small-time crimes. But in all cases I was wrong - I misread the situation, and misread them as people. They're not looking to be saved, either from that life, or from those guys - they're not resigned to those guys, as the best they can do, or the way it has to be/what society says they should want instead of what they really want themselves - it's just who these people really are, and the crummy guys they go for are who they are compatible with because they think and feel the same way. You could say that they deserve each other. The girl that was mixed up in all the partying and crime, she even said we were incompatible, but explained it in such a metaphorical and messy, indirect way, that I didn't understand it at the time, but I did eventually on my own, and when it finally clicked, I could see it, it made sense, and I didn't crush on her anymore. She was never the sweet misunderstood damsel in distress I thought she was. That person was just a figment of my mind, they never existed in real life. I had been crushing on an illusion all the while.

I sound mad here but I'm really not. I don't care anymore. I understand how and why I'm not compatible with them, and agree that I would have been unhappy with them anyway so it's for the best.

My point is, you have to know who you're compatible with, so you can know who to "market" yourself to, for lack of better terms.