L
Lonely4life
Guest
So here I am, alone, starting over yet again, when will it end, when will I stop feeling so empty and worthless. The loneliness I feel is so over whelming at times, I feel like I'm being consumed by it. I'm 38 years old and I just feel like my life is over. I try so hard to be thankful for what I have, but the reality is I don't have a lot. I live in a small council flat in London, have no real friends and a boss you treats me like I'm an idiot.
I didn't have the best start in life, I was molested by my father at a young age. I some how managed to forgive him, because I didn't want to become bitter with my hatred for him. I've struggled with my self-confidence and self-esteem as a result. All my adult relationships have ended because it seems I was never enough for most people. When you reach a certain age, and you don't have a successful career, or own your own home, it appears that people don't seem to take you seriously, you just get over looked.
I've also struggled with my sexuality, being a lesbian is not what I ever envisaged, my first love was a man so how did I end up here? I'm not one to usually feel sorry for myself because if something isn't working in my life I try to fix it. I went back to university obtained a degree, but it didn't give me the career opportunities I had hoped for. I've tried to become the person I want to attract with relationships, even just friendships, but I just never get anywhere. Its hard when you see your friends surpassing you, and suddenly they stop calling. Why do people have to judge you by what you have, why can't they just accept you the way you are. I just feel so lost, I feel like I've run out of time, all I can forsee is old age and poverty. I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't have any hope left anymore. Every day becomes harder to find a reason to carry on.
I didn't have the best start in life, I was molested by my father at a young age. I some how managed to forgive him, because I didn't want to become bitter with my hatred for him. I've struggled with my self-confidence and self-esteem as a result. All my adult relationships have ended because it seems I was never enough for most people. When you reach a certain age, and you don't have a successful career, or own your own home, it appears that people don't seem to take you seriously, you just get over looked.
I've also struggled with my sexuality, being a lesbian is not what I ever envisaged, my first love was a man so how did I end up here? I'm not one to usually feel sorry for myself because if something isn't working in my life I try to fix it. I went back to university obtained a degree, but it didn't give me the career opportunities I had hoped for. I've tried to become the person I want to attract with relationships, even just friendships, but I just never get anywhere. Its hard when you see your friends surpassing you, and suddenly they stop calling. Why do people have to judge you by what you have, why can't they just accept you the way you are. I just feel so lost, I feel like I've run out of time, all I can forsee is old age and poverty. I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't have any hope left anymore. Every day becomes harder to find a reason to carry on.