Messed up thoughts

[Zak]

Has it ever occured to you, this feeling, that everyone hates you? That people are annoyed of you and they dont like your prescence there but its just that they dont show it to you and they talk by hiding the hatred.

I have no idea why but its been always like that. I trust people so blindly and I do whatever they say. But deep inside my mind. I have these thoughts that if I am being doublecrossed or cheated. I feel like people are talking to me with a different intention keeping something else in their mind. Like they are plotting something behind my back as they ultimately hate me. As if they want me gone from there and just dont want to see me anymore. Its become worse lately and I cant seem to take in anything without a grain of salt in it. I just cant makeout whom to trust or not or if that particular person is trustworthy or what are his or her true intentions. But yet like a double personality or something, I just try to put my trust on everybody and go with what they say cos I dont know if I am doing something wrong by not doing so. I am scared of life and people now cos of this. I want to meet people who are really honest but I just cant make out if they are or not. Its just not forum or chat or msn or anything. Its everywhere including real life. I cant even trust my mom and dad.

I had these problems from as long as I can remember. This has become worse lately after my breakup and all. Its weird when unexpected things happen in your life. Oh well no.. I am completely over my ex and stuff but the issues the situation gave me are kinda.... how do you say... priceless?

 

[Poueff]

I was like that... now I realized most people don't care enough to do something like that

 

[Zak]

Yeah i know probably you are right but i just cant digest the thought

 

[Mary Mary]

Yeah i know probably you are right but i just cant digest the thought

Write or say Peouff's comment (or your version of it) every chance you get and feel like. Positive thoughts are like exercise. You have to keep using them before they can get strong. When you start, you won't notice anything happening; but after you do it for a time, you'll start to notice that you actually are starting to believe it.

This isn't something I read. It works/worked for me.

 

[Zak]

I will give it a try. Thank you

 

[Mary Mary]

You're welcome.

 

[Drama]

I dont plot behind your back but in front of your face (un)

*hugs*

 

[Zak]

what are you plotting? i know you hate me lol

 

[Drama]

(d) yea yea right
(un)

 

[LGH1288]

Sanal ~ I wonder if you're projecting your feelings about yourself onto others, then persecuting yourself by imagining deception which serves to transfer the responsibilty for the "failed" relationship onto others as a defense mechanism? The point is that you need to stop the vicious cycles in their tracks by avoiding negativity. It's quite OK to constructively critique yourself but not OK to randomly bash yourself. Think positive! LG

 

[Zak]

No. Actually its not because of this failed relationship. Ofcourse that boosted it but I had this from whenever I can remember. Its a weird feeling. For instance. A person asks me for some money. Maybe $200. I will give it to them even though my mind says that person will not give it back ever. I dont know to control it. Maybe he will give back. Maybe not. It has happened few times that people havent given back. They say they dont have it now and will give later and i dont have anything to say back. But im thinking he is just double crossing that he is having it but just not ready to give. Maybe when the person says later he really mean it and some have given back too. idk this is just an instance. Stuff like this happen all the time.

 

[Mary Mary]

Sanal, it's normal to have your bulls*#% alarm go off when someone asks you for money.

 

[Zak]

Lol its just an instance heh. I couldnt think of anything else

 

[spectacles]

Well I think the lack of trust is always present when we dont know the person, but when we get to know ppl u kinda predict how they are gonna act. Anyway, u never know, but its not healthy to think they are gonna betray u, try to trust little by little, and dont lend money lol

 

[floffyschneeman]

I have to agree with Poueff. I had those feelings too and it always made me kept a distance from other people. As a result, I didn't have anyone whom I can call honest to goodness friends. But as for me, it was something about my past that I kept secret from everybody else (including my family). That secret made me feel like I was a horrible person trying to fit in and act normal and good so that everyone wont notice. It was like I was paranoid. No one knew all of me, only I and even myself was scared of what I really was. But I have gotten over it. I still can't share every bit of myself to other people and I still kept a distance from people to keep myself safe. What changed was my perspective. It started with a thought that I was not that special to be that dark. (I know it sounds pessimistic but it helped). In other words, I accepted the fact that I was no more or no less than everybody else. Like me, others keep secrets too. Like me, I don't exert much effort to destroy or figure out what this kind of person is or what she/he is thinking. And if someone really dislike me, I just thought, so what? I can't please everyone.

I don't know if we are on the same boat here but this I can say, whatever it is you are going through, just give yourself a chance to be good and don't be too hard on yourself. People are nice, give them chance too

 

[Zak]

I actually dont have any problem in anything because of this. Can meet people, talk normally and stuff but its just inside my mind theres a side thinkng the other way always. Not that I mind too much as it helps me to be rid of shocks as the negativity is already inside my mind. But it gets annoying at times. I just worry for no **** reason and yeah that others hating part too. I really cant take it if a person openly tells me they hate me. Its fine if its just my mind. But if they admit it too then I get restless and will do something for that person to not hate me.

 

[floffyschneeman]

you really can't please everybody. If you try to, you might lose yourself along the way. That is worse than having someone be angry at you. If you know you did something wrong that made that person dislike you, then you can apologize sincerely. If he/she is just heartless mean, it is his/her problem.

 

[Zak]

I m trying to accept that truth that I cant please everybody but seems hard.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Sanal, next time someone asks you for money (especially if its someone who didn't pay you back next time) just tell them you don't have the extra cash to spare right now, no one's paid you back that you've loaned money too.

 

[SophiaGrace]

persecutory delusion. Im not sure if it fits you but look it up anyway??

Also look up delusion disorder.